“Oh, what about me?”: Nannies about how they break up with their children
Sometimes nannies spend with their wards about the same time as with your own children. The only difference is that sooner or later you have to part with the children of clients. We talked with five nannies about how they leave families and what feelings they feel. Some names are changed at the request of the characters.
I got a job as a nanny when I was twenty-three years old. They were offered by acquaintances whose friends needed help: “If you don’t want to try? We trust you, I don’t want a left person to slip a child.” For me, the word “child” at that moment meant someone of six years old: drawing, sculpting, taking permission to take candy, eating and sleeping, you can occasionally be taken to mugs. Naturally, it does not get dirty, does not make noise, is not irritated, does not get tired and does not get sick. So I decided: why not?
On the eve of the meeting with my parents, they announced to me that this was a five-month-old child, and I had a slight shock — I hadn’t been informed before this age, they simply indicated that it was “small”. I remember, I came to a preliminary conversation and acquaintance with my parents - I thought that we would agree with what date I would start. I come, we meet at the subway, there is a beautiful girl with a carriage. He gives me the keys and a piece of paper with the address: "I will be at ten in the evening." I have a shock again, I answer: "No, this is not done, wait." And together we went to their house.
The woman worked every other day, I had to be with Eve from nine in the morning to ten in the evening. The first week I came for a while: I had to accustom Eve to myself and myself to her. Probably, it is rightly said that it is better to take the position of nanny for a person who already has children, and older ones. Because I, for example, had a lot of questions about what to do.
As it turned out, the family in which I settled was awesome. I am very attached to the girl. It was a golden autumn, we had a long walk with her, had picnics. I got acquainted with the same nannies, we have created a whole group. I went to polyclinics, a little later - to developing classes, massages (a power of attorney was written out for me). I taught Eva to the pot, she went with me for the first time - she let go of her hand for a walk - I even had tears. Eva called me “yum”: when she started talking, she tried to say “nanny”, but confused with her mother, and this “yum” was fixed.
We broke up when the family left. I accompanied them at the airport, they invited me themselves. I burst into tears. Then she ran into spare baby socks and thought: "Eh." It turns out that one and a half years I spent 40% of the time with this girl, I became a family friend. Now we occasionally write off them.
I became a nanny because of a difficult financial situation. I needed a job for two or three hours: the son was small, he was often sick and I could not go out for a whole day. I got a call from a friend whose friend was looking for a babysitter among "her". I asked: "How many children?" - "One and a half month". I replied that this is not a problem if the baby is on an artificial diet. It was necessary to study the girl only twice a week for three hours: usually my mother fed and left, I had to walk, change diapers, feed and put to sleep. I worked for a short time - we broke up when Nika was about two years old.
Immediately I turned up the option next to the house: I had to be there with the boy all day three times a week. Matthew was a year and eight months old. And with him I spent a lot of time. Such feelings warm to him arose - I can not say that as a mother, but still a whole day together, he hugs, kisses. When we parted, he shouted to me: "Irina, bye! Come for a visit!" His mother recommended me to other parents, but my son then went to the first grade, so I did not agree. With parents Matthew, we actively communicated in social networks, and now I congratulate him on the holidays, birthday. He already went to the first class.
When you go to work as a nanny, you need to understand that this is not your child - but for someone else's responsibility is twofold. If you do not like children, there is nothing to do at such work. Yes, and we must bear in mind that mom can be jealous. It happened to me with my second family that for the holidays with Matvey I mostly went, and my mother once said in tears: "Why is he with you in all the photos ..." It is clear that she is not out of malice.
I worked in several families. He started at the former girlfriend who got married, had a daughter, but then her husband was eliminated and did not appear again. I kept friendly relations with her, came, got involved and began to sit with the child. Then I began to leave the girl and pay for it. So I became a nanny.
My longest job is five years with interruptions; I was engaged then with three children of my classmate. We still communicate with this family. I have become attached to children, I miss them, but since my daughter is friends with them, we meet.
My work ended normally, either because the schedule became inconvenient, or the family moved. Mostly I worked with my acquaintances, with most of whom I still communicate in one way or another. One of the most touching memories - a little boy, with whom I seemed to spend not so much time, ran out of the room when I left, and said: "Oh, oh, oh, what about me?"
The first for whom I became a nanny was a one-year-old Ira - I call her the "first granddaughter." We walked with her, I put her to bed, I even had to sleep on my hands. We broke up with her and her parents when she was three years old. I remember putting them in the car, and when they drove off, I felt so empty ... I missed you a lot. She recognized me, ran to meet her, and could kiss her cheek too. But, as a nanny, I knew that I needed to be “pushed back” so that there were no such moments (kisses, for example) - after all, I am an outsider. I tried to behave correctly.
The longest time I worked with Danila. I was with him constantly, in the morning I could come at six, and leave at ten in the evening. I went with him to rest, the rest of the family lived in the same house, but we had our own regime. The family rarely took us somewhere with them. Danila had a habit: he liked to go up to his mother, rub himself on her side, but his mother gave a sign “leave me alone”, grandmother also: “Do not hang on me, you know, I do not like it”. And then he went to me. Grandma even laughed: "Only Olga can caress you." I threw up my hands: "I am on duty." Although in reality it was not. It was a pity the boy, because he survived the divorce of parents. And it so happened that I gave my warmth to him. My child was even jealous, although he was an adult. I came home from work, he asked: "What did you do today?" I told. He replied: "With me you did not do this!"
How did you break up? That was the problem. Danila lacked communication with her mother. He once said: "Olya, I want you to be my mother." I say: "Well, how can you, you have such a good mom." "Mom with me does not want to be, and you are always with me." And for me it was not just a bell, but a bell: I have to leave. I did not know where I was going, but I decided that this was the last year.
After all, I had all the talk about Danil. I stopped myself afterwards — not everyone is interested in it — but any topic led me to this child. I was very worried. The first year I was afraid to see him - probably, I had some kind of emotional trauma. And in a few years since we broke up, I have never seen him. But I still remember Danila as an important moment in my life.
I work as a nanny for more than ten years, I live in Barcelona. By education I am a psychologist-teacher: since the institute I have an interest in child psychology and in children in general.
Usually I work with children for a short time, not more than a month - most often we are talking about families who came to Barcelona for holidays. There are kids with whom I have been doing for a year or two, but not all the time, but I look after them a couple of times a week: I stay in the evening and at night when my parents go to events, or I walk in the afternoon. I easily find contact with children, is always open and friendly to them - this is felt, so that we manage to build a trusting relationship.
I can not say that I am very attached to children, but I always worry about them and ask my parents how things are there, even when the work is over. For kids, I am first and foremost a friend, I don’t try to be a mom or grandmother, as many nannies do, I think this is wrong. Therefore, when parting, neither me nor the children have sadness. I am always eager to communicate further, but so far there has been no such experience. The main age of the children I work with is two to four years, they do not have time to get attached to me very much and quickly switch to new people.
PHOTO:Smallable (1, 2)