Checklist: 12 signs that it's time for you to change a psychotherapist

Text: Elvira Azizova

Towards psychotherapeutic care There are many obstacles: after overcoming your own fears, prejudices and stereotypes, there is still a psychotherapist who can be trusted. We have already told what to look for when searching for a professional, and now we have compiled a list of signs that it might be time to turn to someone else.

1

No contact

The active participation of both parties - the client and the specialist - is a prerequisite for progress. The principle of partnership and contact is one of the key in psychotherapy; This is teamwork in which trust and understanding are important. As in the case of any other doctor, it is important to find someone comfortable with - this is normal if the search for "your" person takes time and has to contact representatives of different schools and directions.

The personality of the psychotherapist plays a big role. If you do not feel that you are heard and correctly understood, you can’t get rid of the feeling that the psychotherapist’s worldview and coordinate system is too different from yours and this affects his work - it makes sense to continue the search.

2

Too close contact

The credibility of a psychotherapist is enormous, but sometimes it leads to a blurring of boundaries. If this happens with the first experience of applying for psychological help, it may seem that “this is the way it was intended” and psychotherapy are spiritual conversations in an atmosphere of close friendship. But extremes are fraught with problems, and too close contact is as counterproductive as the complete lack of mutual understanding. Psychotherapeutic interventions have a certain regulation, and a good specialist carefully monitors its implementation.

Danger may arise after long-term cooperation: in this case, communication begins to look more like friendly meetings, conversations relate to topics not related to psychotherapy, the doctor shares his own life details, passes a comfortable level of intimacy to you, or allows informal communication outside psychotherapy sessions. It does not matter at whose initiative the required distance has been reduced; if this condition is violated - it's time to look for another specialist. It is impossible to help a client learn how to build healthy boundaries without having the skill himself.

3

Lack of support

If the issue of distance is more or less intuitive, then the issue of neutrality is somewhat more complicated. In theory, the psychotherapist is a neutral and impartial figure. But in practice, the client is in a situation of vulnerability and he needs unconditional support. In other words, it is important that you are supported, encouraged and praised.

A competent psychotherapist will help you see progress and teach you to appreciate the work done. Each small step in the right direction motivates and gives strength to move on and look for a solution to the tasks. If, before meeting with a psychotherapist, you have a feeling of a guilty schoolboy or a painful feeling of loneliness and anxiety, this is a reason to look for a new specialist.

4

Strange working methods

There is no strict regulation of the sphere of psychological assistance in our country - and because of this, one may encounter unprofessionalism, strange unproven methods or frankly commercial attitude towards a client. If the psychotherapist does not cope with the answer to your questions, cannot clearly and clearly explain the goals of his actions, insists on exercises, practices and methods that are unacceptable and uncomfortable for you - perhaps you are faced with an incompetent self-taught, which is not guided by professional standards, but own fantasies and "author's techniques."

It is no less dangerous if they try to impose non-existent diagnoses on you and delay therapy. Feeling that you are simply used as a source of income is a reinforced concrete reason to turn to another psychotherapist.

5

Inattention or forgetfulness

In most cases, psychotherapy is a long process, so it is important that the psychotherapist have a certain “operational memory” and show sincere interest: do not forget important facts and details of your life, not be confused in events, know about the features of your psyche.

It doesn't matter how it will be achieved: good memory, mnemonic techniques or simple notes in a notebook that the doctor looks at before each meeting - it is important that you do not have to retell the same experiences or events several times. If you and your life are confused with someone from other clients, privacy can suffer - and this is absolutely the reason to end the relationship.

6

Extreme discomfort

Psychotherapy may well be a source of negative emotions and unpleasant experiences. Often the way to solving a problem lies through a “traumatic” period, the preparation of fears and complexes and the re-living of situations that, in fact, forced to seek help. This is not the most pleasant process, but an understanding of the goal and the algorithm of actions together with professional "accompaniment" compensate for the pain of the experience.

It is important that the "storms" do not hesitate and do not become the leitmotif of your work with a psychotherapist. Psychotherapy should not turn into a series of feats and a constant race for survival. Feeling hopelessness of efforts, fear of telling the truth, constant anxiety and depression, lack of a sense of relief are a reason to audit the interaction with a psychotherapist.

7

Pressure and lack of security

Working through negative periods is not an easy task by itself, and it is completely unacceptable that a psychotherapist becomes a source of additional discomfort and negative emotions.

Devaluing your feelings, value judgments towards you or others, inappropriate jokes and sarcasm, ridiculing, passive-aggressive tone, inattention, neglect and ignoring requests, condescension, lack of flexibility and empathy, condemnation or attempts to impose the "right" outlook on life - all these are signs of unprofessionalism and a reason to immediately abandon further interaction.

8

Context violation

The other extreme is a psychotherapist who is trying to artificially neutralize difficult moments and solve problems for you, that is, goes beyond analysis and counseling in order to become an "advisor." Mandatory instructions, imposing one’s own vision of the situation, peremptory instructions, attempts to control your actions and control the course of events, ready answers to questions instead of joint reflection are evidence of incompetence. Another unacceptable situation is the behavior of the psychotherapist, when you start trying to please him, to earn encouragement and approval.

The professional community has developed protocols and regulations for psychotherapeutic interaction in almost all cases of life - for example, there is a guide on working with acute stress conditions, a guide on working with LGBT clients, protocols on working with chronic depression or on helping patients with breast cancer. The competent psychotherapist follows the relevant regulations and ethical principles, and the “manual control” of the client’s life is not included.

9

Problems with discipline, respect and ethics

This point may seem obvious, but due to the lack of uniform standards and regulatory mechanisms in a huge number of cases, psychotherapists do not follow the basic rules of professional (and sometimes purely human) ethics and norms of interaction. You will be absolutely wise to do if you do not tolerate lateness, disrespect for your time and effort, lack of discipline or breaches of confidentiality.

Indifference to your needs and violation of agreements is also a reason to end the relationship and contact another specialist. It is clear that force majeure can happen to everyone and it makes sense to be guided by common sense and seek compromises. However, eight cases out of ten are no longer force majeure, but a pattern according to which conclusions should be drawn.

10

Lack of clear and clear goals

When you seek help from a psychotherapist, in most cases you have a specific request. Even if you did not fully formulate it when addressing, after a certain period, it is legitimate to expect that together with the psychotherapist you will understand, "what is wrong." There should be a vision of the situation that will allow you to set specific tasks.

The work of the psychotherapist is to help you create a comfortable "road map", determine the goal to which you would like to move and which allows you to assess progress. Psychotherapy for the sake of psychotherapy does not make sense, and if at every session you pour from empty sieve, perhaps this is a case of insufficient competence or just greed.

11

Non-compliance with professional requirements

Another obvious point, a kind of checklist inside the checklist: regardless of the direction, type and school of psychotherapy, there are a number of conditions, in violation of which you should not even begin to cooperate. A mandatory requirement is a quality, thorough and systemic education (confirmed by a diploma), continuous professional development, mandatory personal psychotherapy and supervision. Specialist participation in international professional associations and conferences is also desirable.

Narrow specialization in specific problems and tasks is an optional condition, but, as a rule, it speaks about expertise, experience and high competence, whether it be work with family relationships, dependencies, or certain diagnoses.

12

No result

If you have spent adequate time in therapy, which has been stipulated previously, but intermediate goals have not been achieved, there is no positive dynamics and a feeling of progress, you feel that you are just stomping around - it makes sense to evaluate the effectiveness of the approach or professionalism. In successful therapy, it also happens that after a long work all the resources of a specialist or method are exhausted - and it is time to look for something new. Such situations need to be discussed without embarrassment; together (the psychotherapist in such cases consults with his supervisor) you will be able to figure out which development of events will be optimal. If your doubts, negative feelings and the feeling of crisis are ignored - this is a reason to complete the interaction unilaterally.

It is important that from the very beginning of the cooperation the psychotherapist should inform you as much as possible about the course of therapy and possible risks. For example, the fact that at the initial stage you may feel worse should not be a frightening surprise. The principle of informed consent of the patient, who is guided by medicine, extends to psychotherapy.

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