Do not play my toys: How to accept a new girlfriend of the former
Text: Sonya Margulis
After breaking the old relationship the most difficult - take a new personal life of one of the participants in the process. It seems to me (and I have already written about this) that former husbands find their girlfriends much faster and, without shame of conscience, begin to walk with them children from their first marriage. Wives are more difficult: they will think 100 times whether it is worthwhile to acquaint a new friend with a child, whether both of them will have a moral trauma, and - I am sure - they will arrange more than one hysteria when they hear about the idyllic walk of the father, his passion and the child. This is understandable: after all, the latter, immediately feeling and realizing the ambiguity of the situation, will begin to scan her unfortunate mother, trying to calculate her true attitude to what is happening.
Do you know that dad has a friend Masha? And father's friend Masha prepares a very tasty pasta. We bought this ball together with the father and his girlfriend Masha.
In a week, your parents, kindergarten teacher, friends, nanny, neighbors and cashiers at the grocery store will know about Masha's friend. And each time, all these people will peek at you, trying to figure out your true attitude towards what is happening. Even the most balanced woman (although it is hardly possible to say this about a man after a divorce) will not endure and will most likely start screaming that she does not know and does not want to know any Masha (this is at best).
Of course, I want the new girl of her ex-husband to remain for a long time a mirage, an ethereal character from the stories of children, with whom it is not necessary to meet and maintain relationships. But this is unlikely to happen. You don't want it, she will come out from everywhere: from Facebook, where she (next to her ex-husband) will be carefully noted by her acquaintances, from instagram, where she will meticulously like photos of your children, from the children's wardrobe, where the items she bought will appear, and Finally, from the phone of the former husband - in the short time he spends in your former common home with your children.
Scandalous children at home who refuse to do everything with you — eat, sleep, walk, brush their teeth, etc. — will behave like angels with dad and his passion, eat cutlets cooked by her unquestioningly and then, moving the plate with your chops away, with the sophistication of experienced sadists to tell how those, her burgers, were good.
In the meantime, you will tremble at the thought that some new person will come to your home and spend the night in the very bed that has recently cooled down after the father of your children. That he will stretch his unfamiliar legs on that very green Ikeev sheet, where after discharge from the hospital you flopped with a fresh baby. That his toothbrush goes down in your family glass. That he will drink coffee in the morning from the mug, which was presented to you for the two-year anniversary of the wedding. Well, and so on.
She will get out from everywhere: from Facebook, instagram, children's wardrobe and, finally, from the phone of her ex-husband
But all this is a big question, because it is still unknown how this stranger will perceive what you yourself cannot cope with, from which you become animal in five minutes and start screaming in a terrible voice. How can he stand up to your disobedient, ill-mannered (albeit very cute) children, if you do not stand them yourself? Will the power of his love be so great that he will be next to you, despite her howling, whims, and nasty behavior (you yourself know perfectly well how other people's children can annoy)?
One of my friends suffered from loneliness for a long time, until finally a person appeared who fit her in all respects. He cooked her breakfast, gave gifts, was well-read, witty, he had pleasant parents who lived separately, and a small, but his own apartment. There was only one “but”: the child of my acquaintance irritated him so much that after six months of living together he could not stand it and ran away.
Whether it's a girl. It is believed (I personally do not believe in it) that they are childlike by default (especially when they have no children yet). Partly it is: they are either ready, or pretend to be ready to babysit with other children, lisp in Facebook comments, accompany the father for a walk in the bitter cold and throw out the tenderness that has accumulated in their childless hearts on other children.
But then they can have a baby? New, small, still not able to annoy and bring to white heat the baby, causing eternal affection. Against this background, all the children of the world - not only yours - will seem something threatening, huge and unsympathetic (as often happens when babies are born). No, not the fact that it will be so, but it can be so, and one thought about it terrifies.
The only way to survive all this is to put up with it: let them walk in the cold.
illustrations: Masha Shishova