Forcing pregnancy: Why do men pierce condoms
Once Leila discovered that from the container with contraceptive some tablets were gone. The next day, all the packaging disappeared. She asked her boyfriend about the pills - he said he did not see them. The next day she found them in his box. When she asked what was the matter, the guy hit her - it was his usual way to avoid talking, just like being forced to have sex and trying to lock Leila in a room before leaving for work.
Due to the fact that her boyfriend forbade Leila to take contraceptives, she quickly became pregnant. Despite the fact that this pregnancy was unplanned, she decided to leave the child. When she said this to her boyfriend, he, strangely enough, became angry and threatened her with beating her to provoke a miscarriage. Due to the fact that the boyfriend treated her terribly during pregnancy, the child was born prematurely. After this incident, Leila did not abandon her boyfriend and became pregnant a second time against her will - this time she had an abortion and left the abuzer.
Leila is one of the many victims of reproductive coercion - systematic violence, which is used by both men and women to have a child without the consent of a partner. In society, however, there is still a stereotype that such behavior is inherent exclusively to women: we all have often heard stories about how men are confronted with the fact of pregnancy in order to force them into marriage or emotionally bind to themselves. Of course, this practice exists, but almost no one says that reproductive coercion by men happens at least. According to the study, 10% of men and 9% of women in one way or another came across this form of abuse.
This unhealthy desire to control the life and body of a partner is rightly attributed to one of the varieties of domestic violence. Coercion to pregnancy indicates a fundamental unwillingness to reckon with the desires and needs of a partner and at the same time violates the basic human right to control his own body.
Rape, abortion and condom hole
Reproductive coercion can take the form of both psychological and emotional pressure, as well as direct physical violence. Forcing pregnancy can begin quite innocently - for example, relentless arguments about how it would be great to have a child (when you clearly indicated an unwillingness to become a mother in the near future), attacking photographs of babies in instant messengers and bringing to pressure relatives who “waited for their grandchildren” . Then persistent persuasion can go into blackmail. "If you really love me, then you give me a child," "If you don't get pregnant, we leave," "If you do not agree, I will lead the child to someone else" - something like this ultimatums can be used in an attempt to force woman to unwanted pregnancy.
But sometimes abyuz can take a frankly aggressive form: physical violence becomes an argument, attempts to restrict a woman’s freedom, humiliation of her because she does not want to become a mother. Often sexual violence is used to take a woman off guard and fertilize when she is physically unable to demand a man to wear a condom.
Some men systematically hide or discard birth control pills or take the intrauterine device out with their own hands - although such a procedure can only be done by a gynecologist.
Another common method of reproductive coercion is considered "contraceptive sabotage", that is, an attempt to protect a woman from using protection during sex. He may wear an open form: a fundamental refusal to wear a condom, scandals due to the installation of an intrauterine device or oral contraceptives. Often, men try to convince a woman that the hormones contained in the coil and pills can harm her health, or simply complain that due to COC she becomes “insane”.
Contraceptive sabotage can also occur in a hidden form - say, a partner can ignore an agreement about interrupted sexual intercourse, make holes in condoms, or even remove them before ejaculation. Some men systematically hide or discard birth control pills or take the intrauterine device out with their own hands — although such a procedure can only be done by a gynecologist.
Even after the pregnancy has already happened, and the woman has decided to have an abortion, a man may try to stop her. Threatening with violence, using physical violence, refusing to pay for an abortion if a girl cannot do it on her own, trying to protect a woman from going to the gynecologist and even making a scandal at the clinic before the procedure.
However, sometimes reproductive violence takes a particularly absurd form. In this case, when a man manages to fertilize a woman against her will, instead of feeling satisfied, he begins to insist on an abortion and even threatens to provoke a miscarriage. According to the American national study of partner and sexual violence, some women who were victims of reproductive abuser were forced to have an abortion 4-5 times, because the partner simultaneously forbade them to protect themselves and have a baby.
Such situations confirm the thesis that reproductive coercion most often goes along with other forms of partner violence. 15% of women surveyed who experienced domestic violence stated that they had experienced contraceptive sabotage. Adolescent girls who are in an abusive relationship are in a special risk zone - among them this figure is 25%. They are not protected before reproductive coercion, especially if they are in a relationship with a man older. Due to their inexperience, adolescent girls can completely hand over contraceptive issues to men or face financial pressure. A man, for example, may refuse to buy oral contraceptives or pay for an abortion.
However, sometimes for men it is not important to fertilize a woman during sex. Sarah, an American, is faced with reproductive coercion associated with in vitro fertilization. She did IVF twice, but these pregnancies ended in miscarriages. The husband was angry, switched to insults, smashed furniture, and then demanded to try again. Faced with a sharp refusal, he beat her and pushed her down the stairs.
Vicious circle of violence
The tendency of rapists to reproductive manipulations is explained by the domination to the domination and the desire to control all aspects of the partner’s life, including the physiological processes in his body, according to Gianna Park, a professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago. In her opinion, coercion to an unwanted pregnancy, which often ends in abortion, only provokes an increase in violence in the couple. This is a full abyuz, which is often accompanied by physical violence, psychological pressure and simply disrespect for the partner’s wishes.
For some men, impregnating as many women as possible and acquiring heirs means confirming their masculine status, but in most cases this only demonstrates a painful self-doubt, psychology professor Stephen Stosni said: "Abusers feel unloved and take any measures to bind a woman to myself. " The birth of a child seems to be an ideal option, as in most cases it makes a woman dependent on a partner for a while.
But far from all men, the goal of reproductive abusa is the child. Rather, it is connected with the desire to assign a woman to herself, to leave her “mark” on her
Some men are so afraid of women's independence that they force wives to become pregnant as soon as the previous child can go to kindergarten, and this turns into a vicious circle, says Lundy Bancroft, one of the leaders of the educational program that helps abuser men overcome their violent inclinations. "Thus, a man tries to protect a woman from work, and, accordingly, financial independence," said Bancroft.
But far from all men, the goal of reproductive abusa is the child. Rather, it is connected with the desire to assign a woman to herself, to leave her “mark” on her. "I am not going to beat around the bush forever, I want to leave my mark," say young men, neither financially nor morally ready for fatherhood. Of course, this indicates an irresponsible attitude towards oneself, and above all, to one's partner, who will pay for someone’s dangerous fetish with an abortion, or even an unwanted child.
Why insisting on a child is not cute
But reproductive abuse is not the only form of contraceptive violence. Recently, men have been actively discussed, who secretly remove condoms during sexual intercourse, as a rule, without the intention to fertilize someone. Both men and women are victims of this form of violence. This practice has even received a separate name - stealthing, which means trying to remove a condom without the knowledge of a partner, and in the states of California and Wisconsin it has already been included in the list of types of sexual violence that are punishable by law.
With regard to reproductive coercion, in most countries there are still no laws that successfully regulate this type of violence, with the exception, perhaps, of Sweden and Canada. In Sweden, reproductive violence is a criminal offense punishable by imprisonment. Canada has a law that guarantees "sexual equality", which includes the right to reproductive autonomy. It was in Canada in 2006 that a man received 18 months in prison for making holes in a condom to impregnate a girl without her knowledge and thus avoid parting with her. As a result, the girl became pregnant, after which she underwent an abortion, which provoked a urogenital infection.
Despite attempts to make reproductive coercion punishable, this topic is rarely discussed, and is perceived by many as a far-fetched problem. Russian women's forums are full of complaints from women that the husband is forcing them to become pregnant or is engaged in contraceptive sabotage. Often, the husbands explain the refusal of contraception to their wives by religious considerations, prohibiting them from having an abortion on the same grounds. In response, commentators, as a rule, blame the victims of reproductive coercion for not appreciating men who genuinely want to have a child. In itself, the desire to have children is indeed not at all an indicator of violence. But disrespect for the wishes of the partner, the inability to discuss decisions for which the couple will have to bear joint responsibility, insults and coercion - a serious symptom.
Photo: Tryfonov - stock.adobe.com, Nikolai Sorokin - stock.adobe.com
