Forbidden Show "Be Yourself": Stories of LGBT Teens
Last weekend in the red square in Moscow, the short exhibition “Be Yourself: Stories of LGBT Teenagers” was to take place. This series of portraits of Russian adolescents, shot by Maria Gelman and Dmitry Roy, encourages people to think about how homosexuality and bisexuality are stigmatized in Russian society and how difficult it is for young people to openly declare their sexual orientation. However, on the eve of the opening of the exhibition, law enforcement agencies became interested in it: the police stopped access of visitors to the gallery, and later dismantled and confiscated photographs which the authors of the project hung on Gogol Boulevard.
In order to bring this project and the stories of its heroes to a wide audience, we publish it with vivid quotes from teenagers about their life, awareness of their sexuality and how they are perceived by family and peers. We also asked about the project one of its authors, photographer Maria Gelman, and co-founder of the red square gallery Maria Dudko.
Warning 18+. The article contains materials not intended for viewing by minors.
It was originally planned to hold an exhibition dedicated to LGBT adolescents by June 1, Children's Day. The idea of the project was born just to remind about those children who do not exist either for deputies or for social workers and which are not used to be spoken in society. Government policy is aimed at raising the level of homophobic moods, at targeting people, and teenagers suffer from this. They are insecure. At home, at school, in society. In 2013, they passed the “Law on the Prohibition of the Promotion of Non-Traditional Sexual Relations among Minors”. Since then, hotlines for help to LGBT adolescents, help from psychologists and any public discussion about the problems of homosexuals have become illegal. We wanted to give teenagers themselves the opportunity to talk about their problems, desires and dreams.
I was looking for heroes using the snowball method: one said to the second, the second said to the third, and so on. I have not received a single refusal, the problem of homophobia is so acute that everyone has something to say. Everyone experienced psychological abuse due to a different orientation; some faced physical aggression. Our heroes hide their faces - to be open is dangerous, because the government has legalized harassment and violence. But you will see what they love and how they live. In addition to the portraits, we photographed them for the occupation, which they like to do at the usual time. For some, this is origami or theatrical art, while others like to read or ride a bike. You will see them as they are - just teenagers who need to be understood and not at all difficult to love.
At first, it was difficult for me to have a meeting with a new teenager every time, to hear terrible stories that many people face at school or at home. Humiliation, violence, misunderstanding every day. During shooting, a passer-by saw a rainbow ribbon on a girl's backpack — he stopped and shouted various insults at us for several minutes. It was just crazy, but the girl was not even surprised - this happens to her all the time. They say on TV that she is not normal, teachers cannot protect, and parents do not accept. "I hear the word" fag "several times a day," - all these problems more than a child can bear.
On the eve of the exhibition, I learned that one of the heroes had been attacked for walking with one another’s hand. He was severely beaten, and he is in the hospital. I think that the reason lies not in our photo project, but in the homophobia implanted by the authorities, which often leads to overt violence. This case only actualizes our photo project and the need to combat homophobia at all levels.
When we announced that there would be an exhibition on LGBT adolescents, I received about five threatening letters every day.
We assumed that they would constantly put sticks into the wheels. When we first announced that an exhibition on LGBT teens would take place on June 1, I received about five threatening letters every day. And that was just the beginning. After a long search, our curators in Moscow found the Punctum exhibition site on Tverskaya Street, which agreed to provide their premises. But literally the day before the opening, they refused all agreements. No specific reasons were given, but they made it clear that the authorities had put pressure on them. As a result, we had to urgently look for a new platform, and we agreed to shelter the red square gallery at the Electrozavod. The exhibition was supposed to open on June 12, but the authorities intervened again. I would like to express my gratitude for the fact that red square agreed to accept us, and we regret that the police made such a mess there.
Then it was decided that if they do not allow us to hold an exhibition in the gallery - we will make the whole city our gallery. It was a forced decision of the organizers, which is associated with pressure from the authorities. Photos hung on special stands on Gogol Boulevard. Photos and stories of adolescents hung around four o'clock, people reacted enthusiastically, were interested and took pictures. One woman, passing by, expressed gratitude and said that it was a very interesting photo project. Four hours later, an "Orthodox activist" called the police and the exhibition moved to the police station. The police took all the photos.
I'm going to continue the photo project, and he will speak with new voices. The story of the prohibition of the exhibition did not become something new for me, it was expected. On television they tell how gays serve the West and corrupt our children. The authorities need this persecution in order to rally people around themselves and direct them to fight against the mythical enemy. In this way, people will think less about a crisis and a cutback in democracy. Therefore, various educational events, actions, discussions are important in order to show ordinary people who benefit from a policy of harassment on various grounds, and to direct the struggle in the right direction.
The exhibition curator, Tarja Polyakova, wrote to me and said that they were preparing an exhibition about the history of LGBT teenagers, but they had just been denied exhibition space, where they were going to hold it. Natalia Protaseny and co-curator of red square, we decided that we could hold it in our gallery, which, in fact, was conceived as a space for such a situation, for projects that are difficult to exhibit somewhere else. We had an exhibition by Elena Anosova about a women's prison, and the idea was to open this one immediately after, for one weekend.
I have long been familiar with the activities of the Rainbow Association, even went with them to kiss the State Duma building, when the law on gay propaganda was passed. I don’t want to live in a country where all girls and boys must grow up, fall in love, marry and give birth to other girls and boys who repeat this scheme. There are so many different combinations of human relations, and therefore, as you know, the state attack on the gay culture is actually an attack on us all.
The reaction of the authorities was rather painful - two days before the opening they began to use different trains to go to the Electrozavod, where the red square is located, and to demand from the management information about what kind of LGBT teenagers will be here in two days. Of course, no one knew anything about it, especially since we had a sublease, but they promised to set up checkpoints around the perimeter of the entire plant on the opening day just in case. Since it was clear at the plant that it was clear that no one would now sign the lists for entry, we found another space, the workshop of an artist I knew, who agreed to open the exhibition. True, then the idea was born to do everything in a public space.
Galina
17 years old, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
I have many friends and friends who are ready to stand for me and even go with me to the LGBT rally, knowing what kind of public reaction they can expect. However, two years ago an event occurred that made me clearly understand: not everything is so rosy. My coming out has grown into an outing. For about half an hour in the presence of a teacher, I had to listen to a number of offensive remarks addressed to me.
Matvey
14 years old, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
Mom said she would accept me by anyone and that she loved me. But somewhere in two weeks I went through my entire room as a “cleaning”, and after finding leaflets from the day of silence I threw it away, tearing them before it.
Some accepted me for who I am. Others are still trying to change me and do not understand that I am just me, the same guy.
There are people who support and love me, for which I am grateful to them. I dream that everyone is equal and that no one discriminates against anyone.
Sofia
17 years old, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
I noticed that my dad suspects - sometimes he joked strangely, asked leading questions, but gives me a little. I once asked to see my VKontakte page - how scared I was! Forced her friend to come in and shoot everything.
Dad began to fill in about the guys whom I supposedly would take to his house ... And, unable to listen to this, I briefly cut off: "Guys do not interest me." And she gave out her story at that moment of falling in love with one wonderful girl. Papa fell silent. You have no idea how long the silence from his side lasted. Everything was interrupted by his wife, starting to say that feelings are wonderful, whatever they may be. We drove and were silent. Coming out of the car, dad came up, hugged me and said only one thing: "You are my daughter, and I will always love you, no matter what," and I burst into tears.
I was incredibly lucky with my parents. It is a pity that not all children with gay sex can brag about it. These people understand and respect me, appreciate and love me. And many thanks to them for that. After dad and I talked about this topic only once, he actually still constantly talks about what my husband should be like, and everything like that, but I think this is normal.
Once my girlfriend took me away from school and we kissed when we met. Some young ladies saw this, and the next day the cherished question sounded right during the lesson - well, I have nothing to hide, I’m not afraid of that and I’m not ashamed. Everyone began to discuss it vigorously, talk nonsense, accuse me. And I said only one thing: “As long as I don’t touch you, it doesn’t concern you”.
Whale
17 years old, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
The family has rather patriarchal views that I am gay, they simply did not believe it. That's how we hung in the position of peaceful neutrality: no one starts talking about it, everyone is silent and pretends that nothing is happening. It is more difficult with teachers: for the most part they are hardened with the fire of the red revolution and I don’t undertake to persuade them of anything and I don’t intend to - it’s not their business, in the end. Not once heard something like "Here you are not a man" or "I know that you know the subject, but as a person I do not like you."
What a touching time when you were just a kid, when the world was so kind, fabulous, and every day met you with a storm of new emotions and discoveries; when there was no hate in our lives. Alas, everything changes - we grow and it becomes more and more difficult to resist the wall of misunderstanding and blind bi- / homo- / transphobia.
Nastya
14 years old, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
People often call me stupid, a whore, or even a "girl against nature."
Today, everything is fine, since I am walking in the company and are not in contact with hetero at all.
I dream that someday we will all be able to talk about our orientation and no one will judge us for it.
Akim
15 years, St. Petersburg
Photo: Maria Gelman
I realized that I was attracted to boys, even as a child, at 3-4 years old. I was not afraid of it and considered it normal. Then I realized that this was not very good, and I stopped communicating with the boys - so that they would not notice that I was not just in touch with them.
Cunning-out was not: a friend told the whole school about my orientation. The reaction of others was negative, the situation has not changed today.
Anton the Dark
16 years old, Moscow
Photo: Dmitry Roy
One day I told my friends about my orientation. They beat me and said that I was the mistake of this world. I locked myself in and that summer I never left the house. In the first month I just cut my hands. Healed - again cut. Until they left a living place.
I lost my childhood friend, because she died of a ridiculous mistake of fate. I realized that I no longer want to live without her ... I got hold of pills, alcohol, and died for exactly seven minutes. I woke up in intensive care.
My parents cannot accept that I am not straight. I do not care, I understand that it is not so important, the main thing is to be yourself.