Checklist: 8 signs that you have an impostor syndrome
alexander savina
We have already talked about the impostor syndrome - the feeling that you did not deserve the success that you managed to achieve, and everyone around you is mistaken about your account and sooner or later will realize that you are not representing yourself. Many people encounter this feeling (not necessarily all the time, perhaps from time to time or in certain situations) - it is associated with perfectionism, family relationships, cultural attitudes and not only. It is believed that, first of all, the impostor syndrome hinders career development: it is difficult to move on with the feeling that you are not in your place now. It is rarely associated with a real lack of knowledge and skills - much more often an incompetent person does not feel that he is doing something wrong. We are talking about signs that will help you to understand whether you have this problem - and if you cannot feel more confident yourself, do not be afraid to turn to a therapist.
1
It's hard for you to take praise
It is difficult for those who are not confident in their own strength to accept praise and compliments from others. Of course, in our culture, very often what we are accustomed to be considered as a compliment, in practice, may be trespassing and unsolicited advice - but if you are sure that everything that others sincerely say to you is not about you, this is a reason to think. If, in response to praise, you start making excuses or even persuade the interlocutor ("Come on, this is nothing special", "They helped me", "Anyone can cope with this") - look at yourself: perhaps you underestimate yourself and you should remind yourself more often and about success, and not just about what you have not yet achieved.
2
You feel that you do not deserve what is happening to you
Every working morning begins with the thought that you, as the main character of the series "The Good Place", live someone else's life, and everything that happens to you is a clear mistake. You do not feel on an equal footing with your colleagues, maybe even you are nervous and do not understand how they turned out to be here. Of course, it also happens that you and the company where you work do not match each other; but if colleagues are friendly, there is a pleasant atmosphere in the office, and the only obstacle is that you feel "unworthy" - you should think and try to assess the situation differently.
3
It seems to you that others cope with everything easier and faster.
Often, “honors” face the impostor syndrome, those who are accustomed to set themselves ambitious goals and achieve great results. People prone to perfectionism often make too high demands on others - and live in a slightly different coordinate system. If it seems to you that everyone around you does things faster and easier than you do, then it is quite possible that this is not true. It is very important to separate personal feelings from facts: even if a colleague manages to finish documents faster than you, it is quite possible that she does this, for example, because she has more experience and you will be able to catch up with her over time. Or maybe your feelings are subjective in principle - just those around you rarely talk about their own difficulties and how hard this particular project was given to them. In any case, there is no work in the world that would be absolutely easy, in any case there is a routine, recessions, and difficulties.
4
You think your success is an accident
You are “just lucky” all the time: you entered the university, because that year was a low passing score, you were hired, because Eychar was in a good mood, and you were delayed in the company of friends simply because you somehow remembered an interesting fact or a good joke - every time you find yourself in the right place at the right time. Melody Wilding, a coach and teacher at the City University of New York, believes that thoughts of endless luck can be associated with the fear that a person will not be able to repeat past success, and sincere conviction that his merits are not related to his abilities. But if you are constantly “just lucky,” perhaps it’s not just luck, but also the effort involved.
5
You explain success by external factors.
It also happens that the “impostors” notice their own successes, but see their reason outside, and not in themselves: “Others helped me a lot, I couldn’t have done it alone,” “It was a simple task, much more time and effort "- in general, it’s about anything but time and effort that you yourself have spent. Of course, it takes time to become an expert in some field, and any knowledge and skills need to be developed and maintained. But all this does not mean that right now you have no knowledge and you do not understand the question - but what you succeed in is connected with something other than your current abilities.
6
You are constantly afraid that you are about to "open"
One of the characteristic signs of the impostor syndrome is the feeling that soon everyone will see your "true essence", realize that you are so professional and dismiss. To live in constant fear, to put it mildly, is difficult - therefore it is useful to separate fears from reality. Do you have a reason to be afraid that you are out of place - or did you really hear only praise from the leaders? Even if you really managed to charm Eychara and the future boss at the interview, you could hardly have worked in the company for so long only due to charm: sooner or later you would have to prove yourself as a professional.
7
You feel insecure
It is difficult to act decisively if you feel out of place. Of course, we all worry about our work from time to time - especially if we have just assumed new responsibilities or if we have a big and difficult task ahead. But if you feel anxiety or even fear all the time, perhaps this feeling is not related to what is actually happening. Even when uncertainty does not manifest itself directly, it can be noticed by indirect signs - for example, if you are afraid or shy to express your own opinion and “soften” it: “It seems that it will be better”, “Probably, you can also consider this option.” If you notice it for yourself, think about how you are guided in such situations: do you really doubt that the decision will be successful, or do you doubt yourself?
8
Thinking about mistakes and failures is unbearable for you
Another point of intersection of the impostor syndrome and perfectionism. Excessive demands on themselves lead to the fact that every mistake, large or small, seems to be the end of the world - in the case of "imposture" this fear can also be associated with the fact that because of every small miscalculation you can "bring to clean water ". Naturally, in such a situation there is a risk of becoming agitated and making more and more new mistakes - already because of the fear of them. Melody Wilding notes that the greater the success of "impostors", the more pressure they feel because of the growing responsibility. A continuous cycle arises: the more pressure an “impostor” feels, the higher the price of each new error becomes.
Photo: Valentina R. - stock.adobe.com, niradj - stock.adobe.com, constantinos - stock.adobe.com