"My children speak six languages": How do multilingual families live
Although borders and visa regimes between countries have not disappeared anywhere, the world has become more open: along with the Internet, the possibility of meeting and communicating with people from other countries and working remotely has appeared. The collapse of the USSR also played its role: many of us travel from early childhood, in contrast to the older generations who grew up behind the Iron Curtain, for whom traveling abroad was an impossible dream. Marriages between foreigners are no longer a rarity, and other families live in a country where none of the couples were born. We talked to a Russian and an English daughter about how she uses Russian, and with several women about what languages their children speak.
I am twenty years old, I was born in London, and now I live in Munich. My mother is from Russia, and my father is an Englishman, but he knows Russian very well, so at home we always spoke Russian. My school life was entirely in English. Since I am currently studying in Munich, I mostly use German and English - even with a familiar Russian girl, we try to practice and speak German.
If I am asked to introduce myself, I always reply that I am English, but I add that I speak German and Russian. This comes as a surprise to most people: the English are known for not knowing other languages or, at least, they don’t want to make an effort to learn them. I consider myself primarily an Englishwoman, because I have never lived in Russia, although now, having lived in Central Europe for almost a year and considering Brexit, I would call myself European.
From four to seventeen years old on Saturdays I went to a Russian school - there were homework assignments, staging plays and performances, it all took a lot of time. Nevertheless, without this place I would not have my peers with whom I could speak Russian. Sometimes, of course, the Sabbath school seemed like a burden - what kind of teenager would be delighted with additional homework? It was difficult to write recipes and learn poems by heart - there are no such tasks in English schools, but as I understand it, this is common practice in Russia and Germany. It was not easy to learn grammar to write in Russian; Often my oral speech was instinctively literate, but much more effort was needed to write.
Now I use Russian when talking to relatives; however, a lot of Russian tourists come to Munich, and sometimes I help them, something I suggest on the street. This year I plan to improve German. I think that in the future languages will be useful to me: I will be distinguished by the fact that I know Russian and German - and at the same time English is my native.
I was born in Western Ukraine, and in the midst of perestroika I was with my parents in the USA; there was my growing up, and I became a real American. My husband is from Europe, he is half Belgian and half Austrian. For a while we lived in Paris, then we moved to London, then to Barcelona, where we lived for fourteen years, and a year ago we were back in Paris.
I have three children: Arthur is sixteen, Albert is thirteen, and Isabel is almost eleven, all three were born in Brussels and grew up in Barcelona. All of them are fluent in six languages: Russian, English, German, French, Spanish and Catalan. With me in Russian, with my dad - in French; if my husband and I speak English, then the children join the conversation in English. Between themselves, they often use Spanish. Even the eldest son now teaches Arabic, a husband a year ago took up the Russian language, and I - for Chinese. Yes, I also speak Ukrainian and Polish since childhood.
Now we have moved to Paris, and I was a little worried about the children, after all, they used to learn in other languages, but they all joined the school without any problems. Every year we fly to America to my parents (sometimes several times), travel around Europe, but children have never been to Russia and Ukraine - in the future I plan to take them there.
Of course, because of the Russian-speaking mother, children are called "Russians." When they were small, they identified themselves as Catalans - as they were taught in school. But then we explained the situation, and they, if they need to tell someone about their origins, say that they are children of an Austro-Belgian and an American who have lived all their lives in Catalonia. In general, these children are completely international family.
Once I tried to take children to a Russian school - usually these are classes once a week. A month later, they began to beg not to take them there anymore; it didn’t work out with the school because they didn’t identify at all with the holidays and the handicrafts they were preparing there. They do not have such associations, they grew up in another world - and then suddenly they are offered to make the Pope a tank for February 23. In general, Russian classes were limited to reading, viewing news and, of course, talking to me. It is difficult for children to read and write - but if need be, it can be tightened. The main thing is that they have felt the language since childhood.
While the children were small, we strictly separated the languages, that is, I tried to speak with them only in Russian - but, of course, without pressure. I believe that in everything the main balance, and if you force a person to speak Russian or any other language, he may become disgusted with this language. My children perceive languages as a toy, they can play around with them, and the more interesting the game, the better. We gave a part of the apartment for a long time through Airbnb, and at some point I stopped telling the children where the guests would be from. They themselves found a common language, for example, when they heard what a couple spoke among themselves - and the guests were incredibly surprised. Children see a clear result, languages help them communicate, and it is always nice.
I am from Estonia, from a Russian-speaking family, and my husband is Catalan from Barcelona. Our daughter Elisenda was born in Estonia, and we lived there until she was six years old, and our son Andreu was born and always lived in Barcelona. Now they are seventeen and ten.
Children speak Catalan best of all, they understand Russian well, especially their daughter - she reads and knows the letters, because she went to a Russian kindergarten in Tallinn. The son does not know Russian letters, and both cannot write in Russian. The children know English and speak it, speak Spanish; they speak local languages without an accent. The husband, besides Catalan and Spanish, speaks French and English and uses them at work, and somehow communicates in Russian. I speak Russian, English, learned Catalan and Spanish (although not as good as we would like), I can communicate in Estonian.
At the moment, the children identify themselves as Catalans. They can explain that a mom is from Estonia if someone asks about the languages we speak. And then we have to explain that the state language in Estonia is not Russian, but we have a Russian-speaking family there. My daughter has an interest in Estonia, she even began to teach Estonian more seriously, but she did not make much progress. I do not rule out that she will decide to link her life with Estonia; she feels connected with the culture of the country because she lived there in childhood, remembers a lot, and in general the fact of being born in Estonia is important for her.
We somehow do not specifically order the issues of identity - the main thing is who a person feels in terms of culture and belonging, with which community he interacts more and wants to invest in it. So, only the language connects my children to Russia, and culturally and socially, the connection is very weak. Of course, this can cause some confusion - especially since in many languages there is no difference between "Russian" and "Russian". My son once said that he is Russian. We did not persuade him, and this was a good reason to talk about culture, languages and family history.
We thought about extra classes, but we decided not to take children to them. We believe that we need to give children a good rest, and all Russian schools are engaged on weekends. It helps a lot that in the summer we always go to Estonia for two months and there the children have a complete immersion in the Russian language through communication with family and old friends. After returning from the summer holidays, children can even speak Russian for some time between themselves, which makes me terribly happy.
We still adhere to the "one parent - one language" approach. At home, I speak Russian to them and even force myself to do it. If the youngest answers in Catalan, I continue to speak him in Russian, sometimes I help with translation if I see that he does not understand. I always write messages to my daughter in Russian, and she answers me in Catalan. At the same time, of course, I do not show violence - I firmly believe that when there is motivation, if they need Russian in life, they will quickly improve it and learn to write.
I consider supporting Russian as important not only because it is the language of my family, but also from the point of view of the possibilities of my children in the future, their competitiveness in the labor market. Another language is always a plus, it is the key that opens many doors. I explain to children that they have the opportunity to learn a language and practice it for free - while other people spend money and time on it. It is foolish not to use such a chance. On the other hand, I sometimes lazy myself.
In any case, the result is not bad: children have a good attitude towards the Russian language, they love to surprise others with the fact that they know it; son likes to teach friends different words. I have seen many families where both parents speak Russian, but the children do not want to communicate with them in it at all; this is sad because you never know how language can be useful in the future.
I am from Russia, my husband is from Spain, and now we live in the Netherlands, where our daughters Victoria (almost four and a half years old) and Isabel (eight months old) were born. With my husband, we always talked exclusively in Spanish. In the Netherlands, at first there was enough English, but with the advent of children, it became clear that the local language is also necessary - for several reasons we decided not to give the senior to an international school, and in Dutch not all teachers speak English at a sufficient level. For the first time I had to overcome the language barrier when communicating with kindergarten teachers (here children go to school at the age of four, and the kindergarten of the daughter began at two and a half).
Since the birth of the first daughter, we have adhered to the “one parent - one language” approach, which seems to me the most natural. I know that many people have doubts: it seems that conversations in Russian will be incomprehensible to dad or relatives. But I was never embarrassed by this, but for four years my husband pulled up a Russian, perfectly oriented in our conversations and even supports them - in Spanish. As a result, Victoria speaks Russian and Spanish, while the Dutch are lagging behind. I reassure myself that, according to the more experienced mothers, after a couple of years at school, all the children begin to chat on it. Nevertheless, we take our daughter to a local speech therapist "to expand vocabulary."
For me, the question of mastering the Russian language has always been fundamental. I cannot imagine communicating with my own children in a foreign language, in which I cannot invent a million silly nicknames for them, sing lullabies familiar from childhood or teach them to count. Well, and there Dostoevsky and Tolstoy are waiting on the shelf. In short, I consider language a colossal cultural heritage that can be passed on to children. Was there a chance for my eldest daughter not to speak Russian? I doubt it. The Russian language has never caused her rejection, it is her main native language, and even to her father, she often said that the baby-sister "speaks" only in Russian. Of course, I do a lot for this: Russian-speaking friends, books, cartoons, circles, Sunday School - everything that helps to create a language environment. As a result, Victoria has never had a question, why should she speak Russian? Rather, she could ask why she was Dutch.
The issue of self-identification hasn't gotten up sharply yet. To the question of who she is, I reply that I have a passport from the Netherlands, but if I want, I can get another passport and choose myself. So far, she chooses to be "Russian". Just today, I heard her conversation with my father: he explained that different countries are competing at Eurovision, and Victoria said that Russia had to win.
I am aware that everything can change a lot, but for now the investment is justified. Should I put pressure on the child to speak his mother’s language? I think, for starters, it is worth trying to find the pros of mastering the Russian language: interesting collaborative games, cartoons, educational videos on a topic that interest the child, and someone may be hooked on Russian rap. Here, all means are good, if only the theme of the language does not lead to discord in the family, because the language is intended to unite people, and not vice versa.
I have four sons, Morris, Lucas, Romeo and Sasha, they are fourteen, twelve, four and two years old. The father of elder children from Liberia, he now lives in Texas and we practically do not communicate, and the father of the younger children is from Nigeria. We live in Norway, and all my children were born here. At home, I speak Russian with them, my husband with English, the older children among themselves are in Norwegian. On serious topics with children, if there is a dad, we speak English, and in rare contacts with her ex-husband - in Russian (he lived in Russia for a long time and knows the language well).
I think the seniors understand that they are Russian, not Norwegian - they grow with me, and I don’t try to assimilate, I’m comfortable and habitual of being Russian. Morris periodically teasing me that he should have been called Dmitry; Friends consider him a Russian, according to my observations, and strangers, of course, see primarily an African. There were moments in the new school when classmates of African descent insisted that he was lying about the Russian mother - but after the first parent meeting they calmed down. Lucas considers himself a Norwegian more, although if the topic is developed, he realizes that this is not entirely true. The younger ones do not yet see the difference between the nationalities. Among the elders, by the way, it is believed that they are “cool” because they are “Russians”.
I tried to drive children to Russian schools, but we didn’t. I taught myself to read and write, somehow it came out on my own, everything was rather unobtrusive. I can not say that they have the level of schoolchildren from Russia, but when we were in Moscow “Kidburg”, they decently coped with the tasks. From time to time they watch the grammar of the Russian language on YouTube, but irregularly.
English children learn at school and speak it much better than I did in their years. Younger children watch cartoons in Russian, English and Norwegian. What is interesting, Romka loves cartoons in Korean and Thai. The younger ones, by the way, understand the pope, if he speaks his national language Eqal.
It is important for me that children know my language and the language of relatives who do not speak other languages. It is important for the pope that the children speak his native language (the father of the elders does not speak African language, they only have English in their family, these are Liberian features). We adhere to the principle of "one parent - one language". In my opinion, speaking your own language is just natural.
I think there should be no pressure. I believe that everything will turn out if you just use the language in everyday life. I came across examples when the children of Russian-speaking mothers in their teens who did not speak Russian as a child when they were teenagers suddenly began to speak Russian from nowhere, so that the mothers themselves were amazed. When children speak Norwegian among themselves, I even greet: they live and study here and this is their main language. In English, they speak at times less than in Russian and Norwegian.
I never tried to raise my children to Russians, I always represented them simply as people of the world. I am glad that my children can easily communicate with their relatives in the language they understand, although they were born and lived all their lives in Norway. My children began to speak much later than their monolingual peers, and I had fears about this, like many parents of multilingual children. Now that the older ones are teenagers, I see that this did not affect their abilities at all, they have no problems with studying, and in English they are generally the best in their classes. I think in the future neither Russian, nor English, nor Norwegian, nor French, which the older ones learn in school, will not be a hindrance. As they say, two languages are already a profession.