"Just don't get pregnant": Partners about the big difference in age

relationship with a big difference in age BETWEEN PARTNERS accompanies lots of stereotypes: from the idealization of the union of young girls with mature men in traditional societies to the condemnation of the "kept women" of the held "papic"; from the idea of ​​“teaching a youngster” from a mature mistress to popular notions about age-like sorceresses bewitching young admirers. Is age important for mutual understanding, friendship and good sex in a couple, or a generational conflict - an age stamp? They say six participants of different age couples.

I was thirty-one, he was nineteen. Eight months after we met, we got married. We met when I was still married to another. Husband drank, did not work. It struck me how an adult man thinks at the age of nineteen. Doubts were: I did not know how to communicate with such a young man - but nature took its toll.

At that time I already had two children, girls of seven and two years old. I used to be afraid of the status of a divorced woman, that children will be without a father. But one day he asked me to take a younger daughter for a walk with him. He played with her, she laughed, and I saw the happiness in her eyes. With their father this was not. Now, children from their first marriage are nine years and three years old, our common child is three months old. With children, he is a little stricter than me, but he plays with them more and plays the fool. He gives them the carelessness that I sometimes lack the strength for. Thanks to his lightness, we go somewhere almost every weekend, I don’t hang out in social networks. I feel more young, youthful craving for nature, impressions has returned.

In comparison with my peers, there is more vitality and positive in it. His carelessness is manifested in an easy attitude to daily difficulties. He has almost no sadness and despondency, which is often characteristic of men over thirty-five. I love parties, but sometimes I get bored with his friends. I can safely go into the room and read, and he will sit with them - and no one is offended. We do not force each other, everyone has freedom.

In sex, age is not the first role. For both of us it is very important. Sometimes I feel more experienced, sometimes he surprises me with something - although it seemed to me that it was already impossible to surprise. It happens, I am afraid that I do not correspond to his peers, and jealous. Especially after the birth of the third child: I have always been slim, but here the weight has become more, flabbiness has appeared - it has become straining for me.

I immediately told my relatives about his age. They were not too shocked - fears mainly arose because of problems associated with leaving the ex-husband. I was left with two children, homeless, with a loan for a car and with a lot of debts due to the alcoholism of my ex-husband - and I quickly became pregnant for all of them. Now we are getting better, my husband works a lot and helps me solve problems. Parents realized that there is no need to worry. They love the little granddaughter and are very grateful to my husband.

I was twenty, he was fifty. Relationship lasted six and a half years, under one roof, we lived more than five years. Though we broke up, friendship remained. Parents reacted to this negatively, and I stopped telling them something. His parents at first apprehended our relationship with caution, but then we became very friendly.

Doubts were. I did not want to be "the girl who found Dad." In order not to associate with the kept woman, I defended my financial independence. The maximum I allowed him was to pay my bill in a restaurant (I had to go for it in order to avoid insults and disputes). When we began to live together, I allowed to give me gifts. But right up to the end of our relationship, I always paid for my own half of the big expenses: tickets, hotels, buying currency.

There was almost no difference in world perception. With him it was incredibly interesting and simple, as if we knew each other for a thousand years. We discussed and explained any minor inconsistencies to each other — if they did arise, we studied them with almost scientific interest. Our views on the family were quite similar: we equally recognized the value of long-term relationships, we had a common desire to have children, respect and love for parents. I watched him a lot and learned from him - from working trifles to relationships with people.

He is in good physical shape: he was engaged in home yoga-nidra, we walked a lot, in the morning we went in for sports. He just did not run with me - kept his knees. He was a passionate, experienced and attentive partner, sex was frequent and bright. The younger partners were inferior to him in this (I would like to know how he was in bed in his youth!). He made the almost indestructible rule "only after the ladies."

I didn’t really feel the difference in age, but the thought about it - that it would arise and grow - spoiled everything and caused the gap. Planning something for a long perspective, I began to think about whether I would be just as good with him in seven, ten or fifteen years, whether I was losing my time.

I was twenty-two, he was forty-six. We talked a month, in September we began to live together, in January we got married. We are married for six years.

I always preferred older people. The older a person is, the less he is subject to emotions - but for me it is important to feel safe. Sometimes I imagine that my husband is twenty-five years old, and I wrinkle - I do not like it. At the end of school, I was in a relationship with a 28-year-old, I don’t remember why we broke up. In the first year I met a 30-year-old whom I met in a trolley bus. He dressed like a biker: muscular, bandana, tattoos. I was just thrilled. Separated because I was a difficult teenager.

Husband's children are older than me. When he divorced and began to live with me, they called me "family destroyer," saying that he "disgraced the name." There was a lot of drama in it. My mother clutched her heart. She thought that he wanted to get my apartment, and then get a divorce and pick everything up. His family thinks that I want to take everything for myself.

When I married a man older than my parents, I was told: "This is from fatherlessness." I do not deny it: he replaces me with a father, a mother, and a friend. With him, I finally began to get rid of the complexes and psychological problems: you can rely on him, trust him.

My friends, having learned how old her husband was, were asking about sex as if every heart ejaculation stopped his heart, and in the next room she was waiting for reanimation. In fact, there is nothing special - you also learn and get used to each other. Although we have a special case: I am the fourth woman in his life, and he got the first blowjob at forty-six. At least he knows where the clitoris is.

At first there was no peace and harmony at all, we even wanted to divorce. But then they realized that this would happen to everyone, if not to work on themselves. We got each other devastated: he divorced, and I was unemployed and upset because of the shattered fantasies. All this time we fill each other. I was always interested to listen to him, his stories, his opinion, his feelings. We talk all the time, this man is inexhaustible.

With him, I can afford to be childish and defenseless. And I can do what I couldn’t think five years ago: for example, buy a big house or start a big and expensive project on my own. I take an example from my husband: how he communicates with people, what he does in critical situations. I want to learn to be as calm and concentrated.

I was nineteen, she was thirty-one. I was surprised and admired: she looked much younger. Doubt: what if she is more experienced and I will feel insecure next to her? I think she thought so too. I realized that everything was fine when we first kissed.

I compared it with my peers and came to the conclusion that it is much more interesting for me to communicate and have sex with her. She is smarter and more educated than my previous girls, more experienced in sex and liberated in communicating with people. He knows how to speak openly about himself, his feelings and desires - but this is rather a personal feature, not an age. Sex with her is fundamentally different from what I had before. It is open to experimentation, freer - and it has no prohibitions. I also became more relaxed.

It did not frighten me that she already had children: I loved her and had no doubt that I would love them too. I realized that I was a real dad when I began to take part in their upbringing, check lessons, conduct educational conversations with an older one, teach the younger one to everything. They started calling me dad. Thanks to her, I began to relate to life more adult, became more responsible.

My dad was frightened by her age: she was already thirty-one, in ten years she would already be “old”, and I would be very young and be tormented. When meeting, he openly told her that he was experiencing, and he very much asked: "Just do not get pregnant and do not marry." But when I told him that she was pregnant, he shed a tear of happiness and congratulated us. He became interested in how she was doing, how she felt. Now we have a daughter, and my wife and dad communicate very well.

I was twenty-four, he was fifty-five, the relationship lasted six months. For a long time nothing happened between us, as I understood that he was older than my father. But once we slept. I was equally embarrassed as his age, and the fact that he is a family friend. I know all his former wives and children, who are one and a half times older than me, and even his grandchildren; he saw me as a child. When I was born, he already had a third family.

He is a very wealthy person. We spent time abroad: drinking, talking, enjoying life. Nobody tried to blind anything from this union. We hid relationships from everyone, because we knew that this was not for long.

An aged man does not attract you visually, unlike a young body - but you experience excitement from strength, experience, charisma. And he had a completely different attitude to my body - tenderly, sensitively. I constantly felt that he somehow silently praises and deifies me.

At the very beginning we did not speak at all. I wanted to understand what was happening, but he didn’t want to sort things out. Already towards the end, when I stopped reflexing and began to simply enjoy life, it became clear that everything is good here and now, without asking. It was clear that we would never understand each other. We lived in the conditions created by him in which our life seemed perfect. But outside of it, we would have been waiting for a communicative failure. Therefore, the relationship ended quickly. Having learned from the new idea that you need to enjoy life, I realized that I needed to treat this with gratitude and leave it. I became calmer and learned to rejoice at what is now.

I was bored with the inappropriate "complexity" of peers. Each person has problems, but this is not something that you need to constantly think and tell everyone around. Enjoying life must be able to. And my peers, like me until recently, do not know how. In people under twenty-five, enjoyment is usually self-destruction. When you're over forty-five, you can still drink and splash, but you do it with such knowledge that you don't even smell like self-destruction.

I was nineteen and she was twenty-nine. Relationship lasts until now, we are married. We met at a rock concert. I then liked one of her songs, I constantly listened to her on a repit. I did not think about the difference in age, I just wanted this woman to be with me.

After seeing my wife for the first time, my mom said: "Honey, and you do not need mom to call?" - I think she wanted to immediately demonstrate that she does not care about the difference in age and that she will take care of us.

I am thirty-three now and she is forty-two years old. Surprisingly, we had no intergenerational difficulties. I think we are ordinary teenagers who never mature. I do not know whether it is bad or good. The common thing between us is that we support the anarchists, since all others are even worse. And in general we go to festivals and spend a lot of time together. In sex, the difference in age is not felt, because we open it for ourselves at the same time.

Of course, this relationship has greatly influenced me, but I am not sure that this is precisely because of the age difference. During our acquaintance, I generally talked with people ten to twenty years older. Since childhood I have felt older than my peers. Now rather the opposite.

Sometimes I think that in something older than my wife. She is an idealist, I am not. Next to her, I'm trying to be more serious and responsible. Does not work.

Photo:kolesnikovserg - stock.adobe.com, losonsky - stock.adobe.com