“I'm not just forgetful”: How I live with attention deficit disorder

FOR ABBREVIOUS ADHD HIDDEN Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - a disorder in which it is difficult for a person to concentrate for a long time and keep attention on one thing, people with such a diagnosis are often hyperactive and impulsive. There are still many myths and prejudices around ADHD: it is believed that this diagnosis can only be in children or that it is supposedly just an excuse for "laziness." Moreover, for a long time, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was considered to be primarily a “male” diagnosis: studies were conducted among hyperactive boys, according to their indicators, criteria for diagnosis were also made — because of this, girls were diagnosed less frequently. Today, researchers say that ADHD is observed in both girls and adult women, while it may manifest itself differently than in men: girls and women with ADHD are often not hyperactive, but have difficulty concentrating. Yulia, who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, told us how she learned to cope with her peculiarity and accept it - and at the same time help others.

Interview: Ellina Orujova

"I do not remember myself another"

I'm not just forgetful and impulsive - this is how my brain works. ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, implies an inability to concentrate on a long time, impulsivity, inattention. Such people can often be late, forget about promises, they find it harder to organize themselves. It can be difficult to sit still - always want to do something, it seems that time is wasted. There can be many ideas in my head that I would like to immediately implement, without making plans and not thinking about the consequences - and then lose interest in them and abandon them in the process.

I do not remember myself another. When I was little, I could not sit still - I was running and jumping all the time. In childhood, I had three concussions, because I constantly fell and crashed somewhere. From my parents all the time I heard: "Julia, be careful! Julia, please, slower." The poor grandmother always worried, because every minute I had to be watched: I dropped everything, constantly losing my mittens, hats, shoes.

ADHD may affect cognitive function, but not necessarily. Everything was fine with me: I always studied in fours and fives and quickly grasped everything. True, in the classroom she laughed, distracted and distracted the rest - and also argued with teachers, defended her point of view. They often told me: "You need to be a little more attentive, and then everything will be fine with you." I tried very hard, but I did not succeed. I confused or missed the letters in words, could solve the example of "eight minus five" and get four. Even now I can, for example, write the wrong ending of the word - the truth is, if I write more slowly and recheck, I won’t be mistaken.

When I was little, I could not sit still - I was running and jumping all the time. In childhood, I had three concussions, because I constantly fell and crashed somewhere

About two years ago I was reading my children's medical record and noticed that there are often records from a neurologist about ADHD. And although I was diagnosed long ago, my parents did not accept this feature. It seems to me that the diagnosis was treated so lightly, influenced by my abilities: the child studies well, succeeds, everyone praises her and says what a clever girl, and since this does not interfere with her studies, it means that she was not afraid.

Of course, this has always influenced my attitude to myself: it still seems to me that you need to try to become a little bit better, be more attentive, not lose five mittens a year, concentrate, finish it to the end. When you are told all the time: "Be quiet, be calmer, do not go", it leaves an imprint. As a teenager, I began to hide a lot in myself. She found how to stifle hyperactivity and impulsiveness - she began to eat a lot: it helped to relieve anxiety and stifled emotions. Only recently, I turned to a psychologist for help - thanks to him, the relationship with food became better. I once read that most people have ADHD as an adult. I started reading about it, passed the test, talked to a psychologist and it turned out that my syndrome is still with me. Then a lot has cleared up. Of course, I'm sorry that I spent so much time, driving everything inside, struggling with myself to be more convenient for others. I did not understand that there is no need to change completely, to become completely different, but you can learn to live more comfortably with your diagnosis.

Now I immediately notice children with this disorder. They always say everything that comes to mind, it is very difficult for them to concentrate, they jump from one thought to another, start something and give up. And always with them are parents who seem to be embarrassed by them: "Well, quieter, quieter, behave decently." Such parents do not try to live with these features, teach children the necessary skills, but try to hide them and pretend that everything is “normal”. It seems to me that it was the same with me. How to live with ADHD, the doctor did not explain to my parents.

Jericho Trumpet

I finished school with a silver medal and entered the medical school. The most difficult thing in high school was anatomy - there you just need to teach "booty": you sit and teach. I can memorize something if I see logic in it, and here everything is different: look for it, do not look, but if the bone is called like this and not otherwise, you can’t do anything about it. I could sit on the textbook for an hour or two, without even turning the page. Of course, there were twos - and very many. But I wanted to become a doctor, and it won - I could not give up.

Now I work as an orthodontist. Probably it would be the dentist I would not have worked for so long: this is a very routine work and death for a person with ADHD. In my work, each case is different, constantly difficult and difficult, the brain works to its fullest. Since for the most part I work with children - correcting the bite, putting braces - I get double pleasure. When I have a hyperactive child at the reception, everything turns out precisely because I understand him. Children with ADHD are very grateful and cool - at first it is difficult to find an approach to them, but they diligently follow the recommendations if you believe in them and trust them.

I was lucky, I have been working in one place for quite a long time. I am very proud of it: I try to overcome difficulties, not to change work, but to do better. The management knows about my diagnosis, they say: "Yes, Yulia is impulsive and emotional here." The head physician calls me the "Jericho Tube".

Somewhere three years ago I had an internal crisis - I thought that I was doing something wrong, and I also received the education of a child psychologist. At some point I decided to change my profession, but then I realized that I love my job. As a result, I found a place where my love for children can manifest itself - I am a volunteer in the hospital, I work as a clown, I read fairy tales to children. We sometimes read roles, fool around, and I feel like a girl. Julia is the place where I can show my childishness, restlessness, direct my love for the game to a peaceful course.

"Many are addicted"

When I do not seize the emotions, I feel very anxious. My thoughts are constantly spinning in my head: “Oh, you need to start learning Italian. No, you need to meet with this person. No, you need to read this book - or not, another one”. In ordinary life, it is difficult for me to focus even on a simple matter, but as soon as I experience stress, attention, on the contrary, increases - therefore, for example, I always took exams well. It happens that people with ADHD are looking for extreme situations at all in order to concentrate as much as possible; many are addicted - from food, like me, alcohol, drugs, sex.

But the past few months, everything has been getting better. The psychologist helped me become more organized and attentive. I write to-do lists, highlight the most important thing, keep a weekly, watch to sleep for eight hours. I need to write down everything at all: for example, if I am going to wash, I will write down not only the wash itself, but also that in an hour I need to get the laundry out of the car - otherwise I can get distracted and forget about it. If I promise to bring something to someone, I also write it down - and I used to be ashamed or felt guilty when I forgot to say something, call someone. Because of this, people start treating you differently: “Oh, yes, you still forget” or “Oh, well, of course, this is Yulia.” It is unpleasant when you can not rely on - but now I seem to be turning into a person you can count on. You can’t say to yourself: “Ah, I have ADHD, so you can be late, don’t take a job, forget everything.” Still, there must be responsibility.

The hardest thing for me in my life with ADHD is to pay bills on time - I have something overdue all the time. It is also very difficult to clean the house, although there is always order in the work. I work neatly and quickly, I do not make sharp movements - this is already a question of professionalism.

With age it became easier, but when I do business, I still want to get up and walk in fifteen or twenty minutes to get distracted. I have a life hack for such a case: I listen to a playlist with repetitive music or watch the same movie on replay. In our office there is a TV, I put on it "Gentlemen of luck" many times in a row - the monotony calms me down, and I can do everything further with interest.

"Pull yourself together"

I have never had problems with friends, I was not teased, and I was not an outcast. True, sometimes I still felt that due to the fact that I was very “many”, I screamed, waved my hands, some avoided me - not everyone is comfortable if such a person is around. It is very difficult for me to focus on what I am told; I can easily lose the thread of conversation. A person can tell me something, and I notice that only five minutes have passed - and I was already distracted; I have to constantly ask again. Because of my impulsiveness, I can blurt out something wrong, although I don’t want to offend a person at all. And the closer a person is to me, the more I relax - I have to apologize more often.

There are also moments in sexual relationships due to the fact that it is often impossible to concentrate. To concentrate in this case - it means not to repeat “I am here, here,” but to ask myself questions: “What is happening now? What do I feel?” When I learned this, everything changed for the better.

The closest people know what I am: all the time I’m dropping something, forgetting, somewhere late. But I'm sure some love me for who I am. For example, my husband - when we are in different rooms and he hears that something falls, he shouts to me in jest: "Yulia, are you wearing a helmet? Are you all right?" I do not feel that he would like me to change.

I have wonderful parents, I love them very much, but I don’t feel that they completely accept me. Recently, I went to my grandmother, ran out of her doorway, glanced at the intercom and caught a glimpse of a phone, which I thought had never been before. I called my mom and asked: "Mom, does your grandmother have a new intercom? Do you have the keys to it?" She replied that this girl was always there. Knowing about my frustration and about the fact that I am already thirty-five years old, she says: "Please, be more attentive." She does not think: "Oh, nothing special, my daughter has ADHD, so she may not notice any detail on the intercom for years."

When they say “Yulia, you speak so loudly” to me, I am glad: here I am real

Despite the fact that it can be difficult for me, I am an optimist. Without ADHD, there would be no other qualities of mine. For example, I am multitasking and can do several things at once. It seems to me that I am a creative person - in my work this helps me to approach the treatment plan outside the box. I am very sensitive - with this, of course, it is difficult to live, but I know that I know how to love, be friends, I am very loyal. I would not like to give these qualities. Sometimes I tell a person about my diagnosis, and he answers me: "You are one of the most organized people among my acquaintances. You always have some lists, weeklies and reminders, you plan a schedule for two weeks ahead." It was ADHD that made me so organized — and it really helps me to live.

I can understand people who do not believe that ADHD is a disorder because it really looks like “laziness.” Very often, even I begin to doubt - it is so generally accepted that you just need to "pull yourself together." Therefore, I believe that we should talk more about ADHD so that people can ask for help. Medicines that really affect ADHD are not available in Russia. I have many skills that help me to live without pills, but I would like to try the therapy purely out of curiosity. Find out how to live without frustration - look in the eyes of the interlocutor and remember everything he says. Or, for example, what it is like - when you need to make a working presentation in two hours, and exactly two hours later you get up from the chair, do everything without being distracted every twenty minutes to drink or look out the window.

Recently, thanks to psychotherapy, I try to be more myself. When they say to me, “Yulia, you speak so loudly,” I rejoice: here I am real, the way I am, I stop being ashamed of it. I do not want to waste time trying to prove something to people. I would not want to live without ADHD: no matter how thirty-five years of my life go, this is what shaped me, what helps to overcome difficulties and feel the strength inside. Maybe it would be interesting to live the day without losing the keys or gloves or having enjoyed the cleaning very much - but this is a part of me.

Photo: Jenov Jenovallen - stock.adobe.com (1, 2, 3, 4)