To tolerate, depend: 10 myths about female sexuality
Text: Tatyana Nikonova, author of Sam Jones's Diary sex blog
conscious policy on sex education in Russia there is neither a state nor a private level: menstruation, ovulation, masturbation and contraception with adolescents are most often not spoken either at school or at home. As a result, we are gaining random knowledge about sex and the body where we have to and we suffer, when faced with reality. Much of this collective unconscious turns out to be myths or prejudices - useless, and even harmful. But it is from them that the picture of the world is composed, in which nothing good shines to a woman. Here are ten statements that it's time to stop repeating.
The burden of a woman is to endure
It sounds reasonable only at first glance: menstruation is painful, first sex is terrible pain, all further sex is as lucky as to give birth to horror at all - just like the feelings of a man at 37.2, according to anecdotes. As a result, we get used to the idea of constant physical suffering and don’t even ask ourselves whether we should wear bras that cause headaches in some people, or painfully uncomfortable shoes.
However, many things are in our hands, progress is also present, so we have every right and opportunity to alleviate our lot. For menstruation, there are effective painkillers, and hormonal contraception can reduce their painful manifestations to a minimum. When it comes to sex, it should only be voluntary, painless and as pleasant as possible. Nobody canceled the birth, of course, but the freedom of choice applies to them, including the mode of delivery. In addition, epidural anesthesia in Russia today is available almost everywhere, and this is already a lot. In general, pain is not at all an obligatory lot of women and not some kind of inevitable punishment for original sin. Enough tolerating this.
Loss of virginity - sacrifice
Even if we discard the powerful symbolic load of this event and the accompanying psychological pressure, there remains the fear of all the same pain - a stereotype designed to intimidate and save the virgin. In the public mind, which prefers millennial myths, rather than the anatomical atlas, virginity means the existence of a septum of flesh in the vagina - such a gate on the castle. No one thinks about how the menstruation penetrates the outside and the tampons inward, but everyone is sure that the gates are opened exclusively by the battering ram, which carries them into pieces.
In fact, the chaff is rather a crown than a septum, it can be of different shapes and elasticities, and there are many women from whom even the ramming method will not squeeze a single drop of blood. Moreover, the first penetrating sex can be quite painless and pleasant, if the girl is emotionally ready and physically sufficiently excited and hydrated, and her partner is affectionate and attentive. Sounds like a regular sex description? Of course, because first sex is just one of many in a lifetime, and not an initiating sacrifice.
Oral and anal - not sex
A woman’s reluctance to have sex is often perceived as a reluctance to have vaginal penetration, and everything else is supposedly “not considered.” Often, in such cases, the partner offers the woman to resort to "other methods" to satisfy it - actions with hands, oral or anal sex. But the rejection of sex speaks about the reluctance of sexual interaction in general, and all of these methods are completely to them. It’s one thing if a woman doesn’t want vaginal sex, but wants a different kind of intimacy — then such sex will occur by mutual consent. However, the requirement “and let it be this way then,” if it is clearly stated that you do not want any sex, you cannot allow it. Sex is not a way to get an orgasm for a man, but a mutually beneficial process for two. And if one of these two has no desire to rub with any parts of the body, you will have to respect his or her opinion.
Women do not masturbate
Can masturbate, but can not. Children show interest in their own and other people's genitals from the age of five, and tell about the beginning of masturbation in different ways: from summoning pleasant sensations at the age of six to full-fledged masturbation at thirteen. But children are ashamed of calling masturbation a terrible thing, and touching their genitals is dirty and unworthy. Some people are discouraged from masturbation, others are forced to hide and live in the confidence that they are weak, unable to cope with a perverted habit.
Now the situation is changing. Masturbation of boys and men is rather a reason for jokes and turning points in TV shows, while women sometimes seem not to exist, and sometimes they are not directly approved. The reason is simple: the refusal to perceive female sexuality on its own, in isolation from male satisfaction and the production of children. From the point of view of patriarchal discourse, masturbation is such a translation of a useful product (woman) into meaningless actions (orgasm without a man). It is time to end with such a vision.
Women don't watch porn
More precisely, it is understood that the "good girls" do not. At the same time, according to the Pornhub porn site, the number of female users is only growing. Now they make up a quarter of visitors. And this is despite the fact that mainstream porn treats women not very respectfully. Women are looking for Pornhub lesbian sex, group sex, celebrities and squirt and are very interested in cunnilingus videos. Sexual behavior of women is often divided into "good" and "bad", with men declared, of course, controlled by men, and those who seek sexual satisfaction without looking at other people's demands are declared bad. Let most of pornography and imperfect way to expand their horizons, but what really is.
Can't stop halfway
In a world where it is customary to think secondly about women's pleasure and comfort (or not to think at all), there is one important rule: you can’t say an excited man "no" in the process, because it breaks it off. Meanwhile, any person of either sex can agree to have sex, and then change his mind: something is knocked down or strained, his stomach aches, excitement does not come - the reason is absolutely not important, and you are not obliged to make excuses or feel guilty. It doesn’t matter if you had sex before and if there was a reluctance to continue until the beginning of sex or even in the process - no one is obliged to endure what they don’t like, and anything can please you. You can leave at least a full plate of food in a restaurant if you get sick. Well, yes, everything has already been filed, but this is no reason to choke on food if you are not hungry. Your no is the law.
Vagina irretrievably stretched
Women are frightened by a stretched vagina for two reasons. First, in order to limit their sexual activity - paradoxically, many still believe that it would be nice for women to “restrain their agility.” Supposedly, female chastity can and should be clearly expressed in units of muscle tone - the "tighter" the vagina, the less the partner has "sinned". But we have never heard something that the penis can “get off” from frequent sex with numerous partners. Secondly, the idea of a “spreading” vagina connects narrowness with extreme youth, so that women are also intimidated by old age.
In fact, every woman has a narrow vagina (it is known to everyone who has inserted a tampon at least once), but at the same time, it is extremely elastic and, if necessary, is significantly extended and expanded, for example, through sexual arousal. This is an evolutionary mechanism by which the probability of injury to the female genitalia is reduced. But it turns out that in order to become a “perfect” woman with a narrow vagina, you just have to be a woman who is not excited, to whom this particular man and sex with him are disgusted. It is better to walk with a vagina that can miss a baby. Oh, stay.
You can not have sex during menstruation.
An echo of beliefs in the impurity of monthly discharge when a woman turns into a walking evil. The Victorians even thought that the meat would be spoiled if the menstruating cook touched it, and in India they still think so. But in fact, the only problem with sex during menstruation is personal hygiene and a couple of extra loads of the washing machine. Menstruation is a natural periodic female condition, and sex fits into it. Pleasure reduces pain during menstruation, and orgasm makes unpleasant days somewhat more acceptable. But if you don’t want to let someone inside at all (perhaps it’s really unpleasant for you), cunnilingus or working outside with your hands will not hurt either.
Women can synchronize the menstrual cycle
A powerful excuse for the fact that sometimes women are all eaten together by someone, although it would be more logical to assume that this person involved behaves somehow wrong, and not just several people have the same strongly pronounced PMS. The notion of women as identical organisms, seeking to merge together and walk in a system, forced to look for a variety of evidence. Martha McClintock, a psychologist from Harvard, honestly searched for the synchronization of cycles in the twentieth century, but found nothing, and subsequent studies confirmed that the cycles of all women are independent. Moreover, the menstrual cycle also happens in different lengths for different women: from 21 to 35 days. Therefore, sometimes the monthly will coincide, but in a month the scheme will fall apart. So send everyone to someone else trying to explain your behavior to ... sorry, to Harvard.
PMS turns women into furies
Premenstrual syndrome is very poorly understood, and to assert that all women, without exception, are susceptible to it is wrong. Firstly, PMS in the form of feeling unwell, depressed mood and outbursts of rage is not all - many women have never experienced this or have only come across at a certain age. At the same time, the myth of the inevitable PMS can lead to the fact that women can look for signs of the syndrome in themselves - and find, explaining to them problems of a completely different nature. For example, the need to let off steam, because (see clause 1) "the burden of a woman is to endure." Secondly, the “PMS has all women” approach, on the contrary, worsens the condition of those who are really suffering from PMS and are suffering a lot. After all, if such a condition happens in all women, then to study it is just a sexual sign. In fact, it is necessary to remember that PMS is far from everyone and requires more careful study to help those who suffer it.
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