"Woman without bad habits": As I was a surrogate mother
Surrogacy - this is a reproductive technology, in which three people are not technically involved in the conception and birth of a child, but three: a surrogate mother bears a fruit grown from the material of biological parents. Society to this method of dealing with infertility is very ambiguous. Women are often accused of giving their own child, although according to the law, a surrogate mother cannot be both an egg donor and a child at the same time, in fact, of course, is not "her own." Nevertheless, in Russia there is a presumption of motherhood: the mother is the woman who gave birth to the child, and her biological parents are transferred only with the consent of the surrogate mother.
In many countries — for example, in France, Germany, Portugal, and Bulgaria — surrogacy is completely prohibited. In others, like the United Kingdom, only commercial surrogacy is prohibited: biological parents cover the surrogate mother’s expenses, and she is not entitled to remuneration. It is believed that this measure should help protect women who are in a difficult financial situation and go into surrogate motherhood, because they are in dire need of money. Russia is one of the countries where surrogacy is fully permitted. Lyubov Sharapova told us how she participated in the program and what she encountered in the process.
Interview: Irina Kuzmichyova
Rights and obligations
I learned about surrogacy from the TV. I watched a program like "Let them talk," and my mother asked me: "And you could have done it?" From that moment on, we in the family began to discuss how this plan could be implemented. I was twenty-seven years old. The age is suitable: there is already life experience and reproductive opportunities at the very peak. And I decided to do this, because at that time I only gave birth to my first child and planned to devote the required three years to my daughter. In addition, there were no problems with the employer: before the pregnancy I had my own company and, having learned about the "interesting situation", I just sold it to spend all the time with the child. Since I myself became a mother, I had a close desire to have children, I was sympathetic to couples who could not have them. And, of course, our young family was acutely faced with the question of living separately. Having studied how surrogate motherhood is paid, I realized that this money would be enough for an apartment. That's all the reasons.
I was looking for parents for the child myself - I found those who wanted on the Internet and offered a service. There are many special groups "VKontakte" and just sites, ads. In principle, I am against surrogate motherhood agencies - it seems to me that the “brokers” are superfluous in this matter. If something goes wrong, the agency will protect me from a legal point of view, just as I myself with a notarized contract on my hands. I myself can control everything. I have my own head, and no one will do anything better for me myself. Parents usually look for a surrogate mother without bad habits, with her own child and whose tests are normal. I had no special requirements, except for the amount, for couples. Some wrote that they could pay only five hundred thousand rubles for everything. But no matter how much I want to help, I am not the Red Cross and I must respect my interests.
Parents usually look for a surrogate mother without bad habits, with her own child and in which all the tests are normal.
I found the right pair quickly. While I was doing the necessary tests and waiting for the results, we communicated on the web. I first met when I came to them in St. Petersburg for the procedure of in vitro fertilization. The meeting was calm and comfortable, we have a very emotional relationship. We are still continuing to communicate and even subscribed to each other on instagram, but we do not personally meet, since we live in different countries: I am in Ukraine, they are in Russia.
We immediately entered into a contract, assured him at the notary. Not a single paid service should consist solely in words: all parties should be accountable to each other, including documenting it. Warranties are important to both parties.
The probability that a child will be born with health features is discussed in advance, and this is an unpleasant discussion. I do not want to go through this, and for other people it is a blow and pain, and even expenses. Therefore, everyone is trying to choose the best option: for example, it is prescribed that if something happens to the fetus for up to the twenty-eighth week, then I will be paid one and a half thousand dollars. If after, then the total cost is divided into all the weeks that the pregnancy should proceed, and multiplied by the number of weeks of the relative pregnancy. Well, after the birth to me in general, no questions can be - this is the business of parents and specialists. I have nothing to do with it. And get the amount in full.
That was three years ago. For each of the nine months I was paid three hundred dollars plus fifteen thousand dollars after the birth of the child. We bought the apartment.
Came and bore
My family and friends fully supported me. The husband is a taciturn person, so there was nothing interesting in the conversation about the possibility of surrogate motherhood: I suggested that he agreed. The spouse worked in Russia, therefore he was not always physically close, but he supported and worried about me. I agreed in advance with my parents that they would help me in every possible way. While I was carrying a child, my daughter and I lived with them, and they took upon themselves all the cares - they were engaged in life and granddaughter. During the first and last trimester of pregnancy, I was in St. Petersburg, and my daughter was completely on them. Over the entire period of the program, I have never even raised it - although it was small and constantly demanded attention. But this is a big responsibility to other people. For myself, carrying a baby is, of course, easier.
In the antenatal clinic, I immediately said that I was a surrogate mother. I did this because there must be information in the card that the pregnancy was the result of in vitro fertilization, and the physician must understand that it was not done because of the health of the parents. In addition, doctors saw that the first pregnancy was normal - that is, in any case, it would be necessary to explain the need for artificial insemination.
This is a big responsibility to other people. It’s easier for you to carry a baby
IVF program I took place in a private clinic in St. Petersburg. Often, preparation is a large dose of hormonal drugs. She lasts one cycle, then you need to continue to be observed to maintain pregnancy. Before the IVF procedure, I, of course, was worried - again because of the level of responsibility, although nothing depends on me. In addition to excitement, the procedure for replanting an embryo did not differ from the gynecologist's examination. Pregnancy also proceeded well. A couple of times I was on conservation, but more due to the fact that doctors and biological parents were reinsured. During the IVF program, at about the twenty-first week of pregnancy, hormonal drugs are canceled, and this is best done in the presence of doctors. Otherwise, everything was in order.
Childbirth went just fine. But I also liked the first ones: I think I treat those women who do not scream and swear at obstetricians at the time of childbirth, but simply come and give birth. The second birth was much faster and easier, and in about three hours a new man appeared - a girl. Giving the child was not at all difficult. At the time of birth, I did not see her, when I moved away a little, they showed it to me. The main thing is that the child shouted that with him and with me everything is fine. Everything! There were no other feelings.
Pregnancy is not a job
There can be no talk of any maternal instinct. I have a daughter, she is my child. I gave birth to her from a beloved man. For myself. I'm fine, why should I feel something for someone else's child? It happens that nannies spend much more time with a child than his parents, but they do not claim their place. Similarly, in our case. The only difference is that I help to bear and give birth, and babysitters - to raise. But purely businesslike attitude to surrogacy, I think, it is impossible. It is foolish to call pregnancy work: not everything for which you get the money, it is. Let's just call things in your own words - surrogate motherhood program, that's all.
After that, I tried to become a surrogate mother three more times. We have already signed an agreement with one couple, but before the IVF in the state clinic all the embryos died. We terminated the contract and said goodbye. The second time she participated in the program for a couple that already had common children, and then the woman had health problems that prevented her from becoming pregnant again. The third couple had no children. In the last two cases, I went through the IVF procedure, but did not get pregnant. Here, little depended on my body: if the material of biological parents is weak, then I can at least close in the pressure chamber, and I will not help the case with anything. You're either pregnant or not, there's nothing you can do. I was paid about three hundred dollars compensation. I don't plan to become a surrogate mother anymore - it's time to think about my second child. While my husband and I are in the process.
It will take many years until the child, whom I helped bring to life, will mature - I want to believe that during this time the attitude towards surrogate motherhood will also change. In the meantime, and biological parents, and I believe that telling the girl all the details of her birth is impossible. I do not pay attention to those who discuss and condemn surrogate motherhood. They have their own task, I have my own. Any person has the opportunity to speak - please. I do not care who thinks what: I do what I think is necessary. I have an ace or even a joker up my sleeve: I gave a person life, and a pair has the unlimited happiness of being parents. What did you do?
Photo: olando - stock.adobe.com (1, 2), alexlmx - stock.adobe.com
