"I came out in the confidence that I did the right thing": Women about the decision to have an abortion

Although reproductive rights are enshrined in the Constitution of the Russian Federation, more and more often there is talk that the right to abortion should be limited, for example, to withdraw this service from the CHI system. Recently, the governor of the Penza region ordered officials to discourage women from abortion and find out the reasons for their decision. In fact, the reasons for termination of pregnancy can be very different - from simple unwillingness to have children or health problems to lack of resources and opportunities to raise them. We talked with several women who had an abortion, about their choice - why they made such a decision and what happened after.

Interview: Elizaveta Lyubavina

Pauline

I had two abortions. Paradoxically, at sixteen, the doctors gave me polycystic ovary syndrome and said that the chances of getting pregnant were minimal. However, to have children has never been my goal.

Once - I was twenty - the condom broke. On the advice of girlfriends, I took an emergency contraceptive, although I was sure that I was sterile. Even a month later, noticing nausea and causeless irritation, for a long time did not associate it with pregnancy. A friend offered to do a test when I vomited after breakfast.

I was confused, but I understood that I was not ready to leave the child - my partner and I were both students. Upon learning of pregnancy, he ignored me for a week. I decided to have an abortion, after which he began to pester me with calls, asked "not to kill his child." At the same time, I did not receive any specific proposals or help from him - apparently, he was just worried about his genetic set.

I went to a private clinic where I had a medical abortion. Having taken a pill, I felt a pulling back pain - no more than during menstruation. When the climax of pain came, a piece of mucus came out of me. That's it over.

Two years later, I met my future husband. A month after the wedding, she got pregnant again, although she used a spiral - at some point she shifted. We already talked about the child, so we decided to leave the pregnancy.

I chose paid delivery, but everything went terribly. I was in the forty-second week of pregnancy, but the contractions did not start at all. Doctors were proud that in their clinic they all give birth to "themselves", and went to a cesarean section only when the child’s heart rate began to fall. I was twenty-four years old - doctors reproached that I wasn’t able to give birth at that age, they accused me of being a child: twenty five minutes after giving birth, my daughter stopped breathing on her own. Having not yet examined the child, the doctors stated that the case is severe and it is not known, “whether the child will have everything in order with his head”. The pediatrician and the neurologist, who we later examined, could not understand why obstetricians delayed the birth so much - it is obvious that a cesarean section should have been done much earlier. But the doctors were not embarrassed by my condition, or terrible pain, nor by the fact that I lost consciousness.

All this resulted in postpartum depression. But literally four months after giving birth, I became pregnant again - I used oral contraception, but probably missed one or more pills amid the worries. Upon learning of the new pregnancy, I was horrified. Now my daughter has no health problems, but then I was sure that she was seriously ill. Besides, having gone through difficult labor, I was not ready to go for it a second time.

I had no opportunity to go to a private clinic, and in the state I had to fight for the right to abortion. Doctors pulled time: at first my tests were "lost", then they found a candida - when I retake the analysis in a paid clinic, no fungus was found. During this time my seam began to disperse, but this did not bother the doctor at all. She tried to convince people that after cesarean delivery is safer than an abortion. I did not specifically look at the ultrasound on the screen, but the doctor persistently repeated: "You do not want to look, because you understand what you are doing."

Only the surgeon who performed the abortion behaved professionally: he performed the surgery well, gave competent recommendations and did not show the slightest condemnation. I left the hospital in absolute certainty that I did the right thing. I already have a child I love. On the second, I was not ready, also at the cost of health.

Life with her husband did not work out. Tired of lack of money and his drunkenness, I left him when the child was three years old. I think that with two children I would not do this: I simply could not feed them. Now, in order to raise my daughter and rent a house, I combine several works. I do not receive alimony from my ex-husband - he said directly that he would not do that. Trying to collect them in court is also meaningless: all his property is written on his mother, he does not go abroad anyway.

After the second abortion and divorce, I revised my social circle. Many friends began to show an unsolicited pity to ask if I had a dream about this child at night and how I could decide on this. Others advised to go to church, although I am not a believer.

Previously, such stories surprised me, because doctors can not refuse the abortion procedure. In fact, I am not the only one; my roommate experienced the same thing.

Nastasia

When I was seventeen, I got pregnant. Far from all are able to talk about sexuality, their needs and safety: there is not enough sexual education. It happened to me too - when I tried to discuss protection with a partner, I received a classic answer: "Do not worry, I can control myself." Unfortunately, I did not resist and insist on his.

We practiced interrupted sexual intercourse. The risk of becoming pregnant in such cases is high: even if ejaculation does not occur directly into the vagina, part of the sperm can always go there. So I got pregnant.

I made the decision to have an abortion myself. I received a referral from the gynecologist to the center where I could do it for free — I couldn’t tell my mom or grandmother what had happened and I didn’t have my money. Nevertheless, a couple of days before the operation, my mother intuitively felt something — but I did not receive any emotional support from her. The young man behaved infantilely: he said that "to kill children is a sin," but he did not offer anything concrete. For some time we did not communicate, but after a month I again got in touch with him - it’s difficult to call such relations calm. Upon learning of this, my mother asked only one thing - did I have enough “brain protection even for this time”.

For a long time I did not discuss this story with anyone. I mentioned abortion only to convince men to use a condom. I used to think that buying condoms was the responsibility of men, and I was embarrassed to go to the pharmacy for them. Now I am more attentive to contraception.

When I had an abortion, I was very lucky with the doctors, there was not a drop of condemnation in their words. Nevertheless, he became a traumatic experience, it is not an ordinary procedure, which passes without a trace. I was very ashamed of him, I felt "defective" and "spoiled." It seemed to me that this did not happen with "good girls". Then I was a believer, which only strengthened the experience.

I sincerely believed that abortion is murder, and I prayed to God that the pregnancy was false, and the test result was a failure in the hormonal background. It seemed to me that the child feels everything - then I did not think that in the early stages the embryo had not yet formed a nervous system. I felt that I could give life, but I did not do it. Abortion was the first situation that made one doubt the faith: I realized that no one would come to the rescue, and the problem would have to be solved by the very.

After the abortion, I experienced a strong desire to adopt a child — perhaps in this way I tried to relieve myself of the feeling of guilt. Over time, I realized that I did not have enough resources for this. I do not understand those who can have an abortion and forget - it is better to think about contraception in advance. Until now, I have not been able to fully accept myself: there was very little emotional intimacy in our family, which is why I was constantly looking for warmth even in unhealthy relationships. Now I understand that both partners must be responsible and take care of each other's health.

Anastasia

I chose oral contraception and was confident in its reliability - I wrote off the delay for other reasons. I got worried when my eating behavior changed a lot: I started to sweep away everything that was in the fridge. Then I did a pregnancy test. The result was shocking. My husband and I already have two children, a girl and a boy, and we do not plan a third one.

Husband supported me. In Krasnokamsk, where I live, pro-lifter sentiments are strong: in consultation, they began to dissuade me, the nurse called abortion murder. There were posters in the corridors, for example, "Mom, don't kill me!" Then I decided to go to a private clinic in a nearby town, where I did a medical interruption. They gave me a few days to think, but I refused them - the decision was made.

The procedure was no more painful than menstruation. When it was all over, she was greatly relieved. I am tired of the all-consuming life, I am not ready either mentally or physically for my third child, because pregnancy is a very large load on the body. Children just grew up, and I can finally devote more time to myself. For example, I resumed my studies: due to an early pregnancy I had to leave college, now I am studying banking again.

I didn’t tell anyone about my abortion except my husband: I knew that the meeting was a condemnation, and I don’t need any extra nerves and a spoiled mood.

Irina

I had an abortion at twenty-three. When doctors diagnosed infertility, it became easier to treat contraception: I did not doubt the health of a regular partner, the risk of pregnancy also stopped worrying me. However, the question of childbirth was not in front of me. I was raised with other attitudes: first education and career, and only then family.

The diagnosis was erroneous, although five doctors said that I could not get pregnant naturally. I discovered pregnancy quite late: oddly enough, it did not manifest itself physiologically, but very strongly in emotions. I noticed that I feel depressed, but at the same time - neither toxicosis, nor the reaction to smells, nor quick fatigue. I wrote off the delay to the change of climate, my partner and I just returned from an exotic country. I did a pregnancy test only when my chest started to hurt at night. When I found out that I was pregnant with twins and it was my seventh week, I was shocked.

I definitely told the partner (now my husband) that I don’t want to keep the pregnancy. He supported my decision. Helped: accompanied to the clinic, took the weekend to stay with me, supported financially. Close ones - mom and girlfriends - were also on my side. Everything said that this was the right decision: we didn’t want to become parents, we didn’t have our own housing, and besides, I didn’t lead a healthy lifestyle.

At first, the doctor did not try to dissuade me, but after learning that I had a negative Rh factor, I suggested that it was easier to give birth. There is a common misconception that women with negative Rh should not have an abortion during their first pregnancy. In fact, this is a solvable problem.

I did a paid medical abortion: I felt nauseous, pain in the lower abdomen, there were heavy bleeding, and then it was all over. Everything went well, I was relieved. But after two weeks, melancholy and sometimes suicidal thoughts began to overcome me. At first I thought it was a psychological trauma after an abortion, which is called the “post-abortion syndrome”.

In fact, this stressful situation helped uncover the underlying problem. Together with a psychologist and a psychiatrist, I realized that I always reacted keenly and emotionally - just during the period of pregnancy and after an abortion, the reactions reached apogee. Then I faced a depressive state and experienced several panic attacks. However, it was before, but I preferred to write off everything as “hard”, “hysteria” and even “features of female behavior”.

The doctor diagnosed borderline personality disorder. He explained that there is no post-abortion syndrome. There is a reaction to public pressure: stating that "abortion is murder," the pro-impose guilt on the woman. Sometimes, as it happened with me, psychological problems, aggravated by stress, are taken for the post-abortion syndrome. I am grateful for this situation, she pushed me to solve the problem. I do not regret: children should only be welcome.

Lily

I had an abortion sixteen years ago. Then there was a terrible lack of sexual education: in schools it was not there, with open sources, things were no better. In the Altai region, where I grew up, there were problems with the Internet. We were poorly protected, and once I got pregnant.

The relationship went to the wedding, but as soon as I got pregnant, the partner completely disclaimed responsibility, said: "Do what you want." I did not expect such a reaction at all.

I did not dream of motherhood, but then I wanted this child - conception seemed like a miracle to me. But nevertheless I decided to have an abortion: I was twenty years old, there was still a university course ahead of me, but I didn’t want to hang my child on parents. Besides, I realized that if I give birth to a child and stay with a partner, this marriage will not be happy. I have always been a supporter of family planning: too often unwanted children become scapegoats that parents blame for ruining their lives. I did not want this, after all, children should be welcome. I decided that abortion is the minimum harm for everyone.

Early on, I had a vacuum abortion at a state clinic. The procedure was terrible. It began with the injection of Novocain in the cervix, which in itself is unpleasant. But the anesthesia worked very poorly, it was painful. My neck did not open, and the next day I had to go for cleaning.

But it was even harder to face the disregard of the young man. On the day of the abortion, he hurried me to the antenatal clinic, and the next time he didn’t go with me to clean up, although he promised. Since we had a separate budget, we agreed that we divide the amount for abortion by two. But the next day he asked for his part back to buy tickets to the house - after my cleaning, he was going to go to his parents. As a result, he did not go with me to the clinic: he took the tickets for the earliest bus to his native village, explaining that the following were less comfortable.

I could no longer trust him. If I had left the child, it would have been worse: all this would have been revealed much later, and on maternity leave I would also be dependent on him. I have never regretted that I decided to have an abortion, but the pain of betrayal remained. True, since then I have been more attentive to people.

Now I have a child whom my husband and I could not conceive for a long time - we turned to assisted reproductive technologies. As it turned out, the problem with conception was of a psychological nature. Doctors discovered the immunological factor of infertility, but the reason lay in psychosomatics - I think the negative experience played a role here.

Valentine

I had my first abortion a long time ago, back in the times of the USSR: I got pregnant at a New Year's party, when I was in my first year at university. I hid my pregnancy for a long time from my mother, until, at the eighth week, she herself suspected that something was wrong. I had to confess. It turned out that mother normally took it - she herself found herself in a similar situation. Mom took my hand and took me to the antenatal clinic to get an abortion referral. The gynecologist behaved correctly and did not dissuade abortion.

Before the abortion, I was very worried. Scary and the fact that the doctor - a man. The neighbors in the ward reassured: they had not done the abortion the first time and knew the doctor who was supposed to perform the operation well. As it turned out, he was not in vain praised - the operation went very smoothly and delicately. It cannot be said that she was painless (after all, an abortion was performed under local anesthesia), but tolerable.

I did the second abortion with the same doctor and did not worry any more. After graduating from university, she gave birth to two desired children - no complications with conception and childbirth arose. If pregnancy was not desired, it is better to have an abortion - I do not regret about my decisions.

Photo: Zebra Finch - stock.adobe.com

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