Leisure on maternity leave: How to help young mothers not to forget about themselves
It's no secret that Russian maternity leave - one of the longest and most humane in the world: it allows a woman to concentrate on raising a child at the very beginning of his life. At the same time, motherhood is still not perceived as a full-fledged work, which takes a lot of energy, and the phrase "leave for childcare" only confuses and evokes associations with rest. Caring for a newborn takes almost 24 hours a day, and the days of young mothers, despite many tasks, are similar to one another. It is not surprising that they are tired of the monotonous daily activities - just as any person at a certain stage can get tired of his work.
It is often embarrassing for women to admit that such a regime is tiring and that they feel themselves culturally or socially isolated: the idea that a loving mother cannot get tired of being alone with the child and not need communication with other people and a change of scenery. In addition, mothers often feel isolated from cultural life: getting to museums and galleries with a child is not easy, and their administration does not always welcome visitors with baby strollers.
If an adult is comfortable and interested in a lesson or a concert, then the interest of the child grows even more.
The easiest and most understandable way to break out of the routine and social exclusion, in addition to searching for new friends on the Internet, is local communities and mothers' clubs. Most often there are specialized courses for pregnant women and young mothers devoted to childcare, but there are other options. After the birth of a child, young mothers often have to partially change their social circle: it is not always possible to meet with friends who continue to work in full time. Groups for mothers are created precisely for this purpose: they are intended primarily for the exchange of experience, as well as for support (for example, for those who have experienced postpartum depression), but they can also be organized according to another principle - for example, if mothers have similar interests (book club) or they want to go for a walk with children.
Groups for young mothers exist around the world, sometimes with non-profit organizations or churches. In this case, the volunteers most often look after the children - so that mothers can not be separated from the child and not be looking for whom to leave him with. There are even special applications for dating mothers - for example, helloMamas, which operates in the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the UK. The Preggie app is popular in Russia - it’s where young mothers and those who are just preparing for motherhood can ask questions and share experiences. In addition, the application helps to find other mothers living nearby for joint walks and meetings. Most of the users of the application are from Moscow, but there are also users from other cities.
Other mothers' clubs in Russia are easiest to find through urban communities on social networks. Most often in them women are looking for a company for joint walks with children, but there are also classes in foreign languages and other activities. Alas, we do not have such a variety of mothers' clubs as in the USA (here, it seems, everything is a club of women who became mothers in adulthood and a fathers club). But you can try to open a similar club yourself.
There are other initiatives specifically designed for mothers. There are not so many of them, and they are concentrated mainly in the capital. The most famous leisure project in Moscow for mothers with children is “Together with Mother”, existing since 2009, whose activities are designed for children from 1 month old and their parents. Its creator - Marina Kelman, who also developed the author's method "Leisure with children from 1 month." The project began with classical music concerts to which parents could come with their children; later yoga classes, theater performances, excursions, visits to museums and summer trips to the sea were added to them. The need for a project is indicated by its popularity: there is often a waiting list for classes. Club activities are paid, the cost of one on average is 500-1000 rubles - by Moscow standards the amount is not very large, but this can be a problem for families with a small budget.
Marina Kelman believes that joint activities are useful for both parents and children. In her opinion, it is much easier for a child to learn about the world in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere, when his mother is with him. She also says that if an adult is comfortable and interested in a lesson or a concert, then the interest of the child grows even more. “Another big plus of the fact that you can come to concerts, performances and classes to us all together is that the relationship between an adult and a child is more harmonious,” she says. “Music gives this opportunity to share this impression with your child.” and a partner, because it is a universal language that is accessible to both small and large people, and the division into age is absolutely not necessary here. We give an adult the opportunity not to experience discomfort because he came somewhere with a small child, but, on the contrary, rejoice uh . Th We give all of our guests to understand that we are very pleased that they came with a small child participation as a family in this musical event provides an opportunity for development not only of each participant -. A child and an adult, but for the whole family as a whole. " Now the project has six central sites and two dozen branches, including in St. Petersburg, Kaliningrad and the Moscow region.
Most classes in family centers are designed for children, and mothers only help the child.
Another project for young mothers - "Library 1 + 1" - was launched in February of this year. Its authors are Ella Rossman and Dasha Serenko. Events are held once a week in the building of the Moscow Children's Library No. 56; in contrast to the events "Together with my mother", participation in them is free. “At first, Dasha and I simply discussed the phenomenon of the cultural and social isolation of women with small children,” says Ella Rossman. “At the same time, they talked about how feminism can and should look like when there are very few opportunities to really fight for our rights, but There is almost no access policy. What can femactivists do in the conditions in which they are in modern Russia. Gradually we came to the idea of “Libraries 1 + 1” - an intellectual space where women (and everyone, we are happy with fathers, although obviously , that in Russia, children are very often completely women’s concern) can leave children with volunteers and listen to a lecture, take part in a group of mutual help and support, do art therapy or just read what has long been wanted. "
The project should last until August, but its creators plan to continue working on it in the future - despite the fact that the feminist orientation of the “1 + 1 Library” causes a wary reaction from the library administration. “Still, I want women to have a space where they can think and talk not only about the family, but also about themselves, about their desires, interests, problems - about their inner, about self-development. And about something new,” - says Ella Rossman.
Another small club for mothers is “Marussia”. He has two offices away from the center of Moscow, in which developmental classes for children are held. Moms at this time can consult with a psychologist, do art therapy, yoga or English; Most club activities are paid.
There are also more narrow thematic groups - for example, a running club and the Selfmama community, run !, one of whose co-founders is the sports doctor Olga Ilyina. Women can come to workouts with their children (while mothers are busy, babysitters are engaged with them), classes are also paid. "We know that taking time out for yourself when you have a child or a few children is very difficult. We know how scary it is to start when you have a small child and a lot of expectations from other people. And we also know about the opportunities that running, - opportunities to be alone with yourself, to hear yourself, to believe in yourself ", - says the description of the club.
Most programs for parents with children are of the same type: concerts and music programs are most often organized for them, probably because the music is more versatile and interesting for both adults and children. Other popular formats are yoga, during which a child sits in a classroom together with her mother and language clubs. At the same time, there are quite a lot of other project ideas for mothers who have not yet been implemented in Russia: in British and Irish cities, for example, they arrange special film shows for parents with small children. They show films that are interesting to parents, while the sound in the hall is quieter than in a regular session, and the lights are not turned off completely, so that the children are calmer.
And yet most of the lessons in Russian family centers are designed primarily for children, and mothers are only involved in the process, helping the child. This is probably due to the fact that during this period of her life, it is believed that a woman should not devote time to herself, but only to the interests of the child. The same happens with projects that were created for mothers from the very beginning. For example, Olga Ryabinkina, founder of the Mamas 'Place club, said that she was focused on American projects designed to organize mothers' free time, but then realized that the idea was too bold for Moscow: much more visitors were interested in developing activities for children. Therefore, the club for mothers was transformed into a children's center: now in its branches children’s performances, concerts and developmental activities take place.
At the same time, there is a demand for classes and leisure centers for mothers. In spite of how important it is for a child to spend time with parents in the first months of development, how difficult it is for the parents of the baby to spend time separately from him, and the fact that in the first months the mother’s life changes dramatically, adjusting to the interests of the child, spending time on herself and her enthusiasm is needed - if only because it is easier to cope with the flow of everyday tasks. A simple respite at several hours helps to observe the notorious balance between self-development and child-rearing and not to lose touch with the outside world. I wish there were more such initiatives.
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