What is constructive criticism and why it is so rare
Internet and, in particular, social networks, gave us a unique discussion platform where everyone has their own opinion - and, of course, someone is always wrong. Multiply this by anonymity and impunity, as well as by the confidence that any word and action in a public space by default can, or even have to be, discussed, condemned and ridiculed. As a result, we observe daily a cloud of unflattering remarks and elementary rudeness from the mouth of people who do not seem to think at all about the relevance or effect of their words. The easiest way is to dismiss them with counter aggression, but it is also possible to extract benefit from the comments of others, of course, if the criticism is constructive. We have heard this magic spell more than once, and it's time to find out if constructive criticism is possible at all and why it is so important to learn to criticize correctly without hurting the feelings of another person.
Why are we criticized so much?
Research data say that, oddly enough, praise does not necessarily lead to positive results, and criticism to negative ones. Douglas Stone and Sheela Hin, the authors of the book "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well", working on the Harvard Negotiation Project, believe that it is not easy for us to accept any feedback on our work, both positive and negative, - because it touches on several important moments for us: on the one hand, our desire for self-development, on the other - the desire to be accepted and respected by others.
And yet, as a rule, we react more sharply to criticism than to praise. Clifford Nass, a professor of communication theory at Stanford University, says that we almost always remember negative events (which include criticism) more and more thoroughly. The reason for this may be evolution - in the course of it we learned to respond faster and stronger to negative stimuli: in the wild, they often mean a deadly threat, so paying attention to them in time was important for survival. Now our life has changed, but we still strongly react to negative events.
Another reason why criticism provokes so many emotions and experiences is the novelty of experience. Scientists say that we are more responsive to new and unusual stimuli. In a culture where polite approval (albeit often only formal) is considered the norm, we see open and direct criticism as something unusual and new - and therefore makes a greater impression.
What is the use of criticism?
Contrary to popular belief, criticism is an important tool that helps us get better and work on mistakes. Constructive criticism is an essential element of a working relationship; it is also important in relations with a partner, friends and relatives: without the ability to discuss what does not suit you, it is impossible to build a strong bond.
A calm attitude to criticism helps us make bolder and less obvious decisions and teaches that our actions and our work will not necessarily appeal to everyone without exception. We cannot evaluate the result of our work or our idea from the outside. Constructive criticism helps to identify weaknesses in work and understand what can make it better. Obviously, if a project or idea has a serious drawback, it is better to hear a comment (albeit not very pleasant, the main thing is constructive), which will help fix it than a false assurance that everything is perfect.
"Criticism is in principle one of the main and, under certain conditions, productive tools for the development of society and human relations. When we are criticized, we learn not to establish ourselves alone in our opinion and position, but to open ourselves up to the world of others, to interact with them at the level of mutual rational understanding." , - says Tatiana Weiser, teacher of philosophy and ethics of Liberal Arts RANEPA.
When is it appropriate to criticize?
It is worth criticizing if your remark is intended to help a person, and not to humiliate and insult him or simply point out his shortcomings. It is considered to be that if a person shows his work or puts it on the Internet, he should be ready to listen to any comment and gratefully accept everything they say to him. This is not so: even if you see shortcomings in the work of another person, think about whether you are the target audience of the project (otherwise your comment does not weigh as much as you think), are these shortcomings really so important, or what Does that just not match your preferences and expectations?
“The right to criticize appears when the product of the criticized activity is directly connected with you and your life,” says psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova, author of the famous manual “How to criticize.” - This happens in family and relationships, when working together, while teaching. Also it is possible to criticize, if it is you who have to deal with the consequences of other people's “jambs.” In all other cases, criticism is the free choice of the critic. "
An important feature of constructive criticism is the appropriateness of a remark (that is, a person should really want to hear your opinion) and a clear understanding that it will really benefit the other person, and not just upset him. This also applies to comments about appearance - it is foolish and presumptuous to expect a person to rush to change himself to suit your taste. “It makes sense to criticize even where lack of criticism can lead to disastrous consequences. For example, when an obviously unjust law is issued, or when another person behaves unethically towards you or another member of society,” Tatiana Weiser notes. “But in this In this case, it is important to remember that in order for your opponent to accept your criticism, it must satisfy the basic requirements of communicative and social ethics, it must be directed to an unfair action or attitude, and not to a person, to call for a sense of justice or mutual respect, suppose a response and use the most respectful language of communication. "
What makes criticism constructive?
It is important to make a reservation that not all that we are accustomed to consider constructive criticism, in fact, it is. Constructive criticism is primarily a friendly, relevant and respectful review of the work or actions of another person. It does not imply a transition to personalities, splashing out negative emotions and self-affirmation at the expense of another, and also should not hurt the self-esteem of another person - all this has nothing to do with criticism.
“Constructive criticism is made by the position“ shoulder to shoulder. ”The focus here is not on hurting, demonstrating superiority, ridiculing — but on real help,” says Ekaterina Sigitova. “In Russia, this approach is unpopular, firstly, because of the hard conditions in which not only we grew up, but entire generations of our parents. For many years, it was believed that correcting deficiencies was paramount both in raising children and in adult life. Praise and support were not considered important, they were neglected by everyone, from family to state. No wonder critic but it has such an impact on us and we have learned a similar state of affairs as the norm. Secondly, we have a very narcissistic, aggressive and competitive culture, so criticism is most often used as a way of domination, demonstration of strength and scratching the ego. "
Tatyana Weiser notes that constructive criticism makes following the minimum ethical requirements: "First, you should criticize where it is appropriate, that is, assuming that the addressee of the critic will perceive you adequately and be able to keep the conversation at a decent level. The fact of finding a certain lack of another is not a reason for criticism. " She also says that you need to know well and understand the subject of criticism: for this you need to try to figure out how things you don’t like, show your opponent that you understand him. In her opinion, before you begin to criticize, you need to note all the advantages, and the best kind of criticism - questions open to discussion. You need to criticize, carefully considering your arguments, and not emotionally reacting to the words or personal qualities of your opponent. “Finally, it is necessary to criticize with the utmost respect for the opponent. Do not transfer the disadvantage to the person as a whole, use rhetorical formulas accepted in societies with a developed culture. You have the right to refuse to listen to criticism from a person, indicating to him the use of an unacceptable language.” - summarizes Tatyana Weiser.
What do we mistaken for criticism?
Expressing criticism, we, as a rule, do not strive to ensure that our criticism was constructive. Often, we don’t think at all about helping another - instead, we talk about our thoughts, preferences and tastes or spill out negative emotions on our interlocutor. Constructive criticism should be appropriate and timely - uninvited derogatory remarks and stinging comments will not bring any benefit to your interlocutor.
“We don’t care about constructiveness. Nobody taught us about this, people don’t worry about mental equilibrium. But literally with mother’s milk, we learn that any intrusive, offending and evaluative statement should be heard and taken into account. That’s how it interprets "Criticism" of the majority of Russians ", - says Ekaterina Sigitova.
“In Russia, the culture of constructive household criticism, unfortunately, is practically not developed,” said Tatyana Weiser. “Comments on the Internet often are aggressive, derogatory. Criticism of ideological opponents on political talk shows in the media is like a meaningless cry of everyone against everyone, or on fighting rounds that aim to destroy an opponent. Even in scientific circles, where criticism would seem to be the main tool of productive communication, certain tight scientific communities can use to criticize as a tool to separate "their own" and "others" and to discriminate the latter, and not as a way to jointly search for the truth. "
Where to start if you want to criticize constructively?
On how to properly express critical comments, we will describe in more detail in the following material, but there are a few general rules. Ekaterina Sigitova advises, before criticizing another person, count to ten and try to understand your motives. "If they are connected with the help of the criticized, it is good. If they are more about you, but the subject of criticism does not directly affect your life - it is better to remain silent," she notes.
Do not turn your remark into an accusatory monologue: criticism is first of all one of the forms of communication. Your comments should always be respectful and friendly. Ekaterina Sigitova considers the "rule of the sandwich" to be the main rule of constructive criticism: "Put your comments between two positive statements: first praise, then criticize, then praise again at the end." It is important to understand that criticism is a skill that can and must be learned; there would be a desire.
Illustrations: Katya Dorokhina
