“Did you have problems?”: Different people about how they gave up alcohol
Many feel that alcohol addiction - Something far away, not at all about them, but about those who "go into a binge", "get drunk before losing consciousness" or at least "get drunk on beer" in the morning after a stormy party. But the first stage of addiction, when a person stops controlling the amount of alcohol consumed or cannot stop on time, is very easy to miss. There are situations of abuse, when a person drinks alcohol in excess amounts, even if it does not depend on it.
In many situations related to alcohol, it is difficult for us to say no: pressure from others, social anxiety and stress - and now you are ordering another cocktail at the bar, not thinking about whether you really want it so much. Someone helps alcohol to relax and cope with feelings, others - to feel more confident. For many of us, it is important as an element of interaction with other people: could you present yourself at a birthday party, corporate party or a girlfriend’s wedding without a glass in your hand?
We talked to people who decided to say goodbye to alcohol, about why they did it and how their lives changed after that.
Interview: Alina Kolenchenko
Anastasia K.
Already in high school I loved to drink a couple of glasses of wine in the company of girlfriends. Even when a poor student I was saving almost everything, I always bought good alcohol. Of course, there were gatherings in the dormitory, during which the quantity and quality of alcohol consumed was out of control, but I rarely took part in them. In general, I used alcohol like everyone else: on holidays, at family feasts, during meetings with friends.
Then I broke up with the guy, two years of loneliness and depression came. My usual companion on Friday evening was a bottle of wine, the rest of it made me company on Saturday. Then a couple of glasses were added on Wednesday evening. Wine helped me relieve tension and anxiety, like a pain pill. But the more I plunged into depression, the less pleasure brought alcohol. I drank without discerning taste, just to stop an endless stream of thoughts. When you drink in depression, the pain really decreases, but then you despair even more. Yes, and because of nervous tension, the body soon ceased to succumb to alcohol. I remember once I went to a bar with a friend, we drank a few mugs of beer, then went to a party where I drank a bottle of vodka alone - I was certainly not happy with this dose, but I did not achieve the desired relaxing effect.
I understood that alcohol only exacerbates unpleasant feelings, but for some reason I still drank, most often alone. In the companies I pretended that everything was fine, drank one glass, then came home and “caught up” to the fullest, and the next morning I was tormented by a sense of shame and guilt. At the same time, both at school and at work things went perfectly.
Once in a company where everyone drank, I met a guy. He somehow could immediately understand my condition and, apparently, decided to take advantage of it. Once he invited me to his place, it seemed to be a friendly to watch a movie - I knew his parents well and therefore trusted him in absentia. He offered to drink wine, I agreed. The wine was disgusting, and, finishing the second glass, I noticed that he himself practically did not drink. At some point, I realized that he wanted to give me a drink, but it was already hard for me to stop - I was used to drinking "to the last." I do not remember how much I drank before I stopped understanding what was happening. I still don’t know what happened that evening: I don’t remember that we had sex, then two of his friends arrived - maybe I also had sex with them (obviously, this is an act of violence, contact without consent .- Approx. ed.). It is difficult to describe the feelings with which I woke up in someone else's apartment. Without saying goodbye, I ran out into the street, looking for a pharmacy in panic, in order to take an emergency contraceptive pill just in case. While getting to the house, a clear thought formed in my head: to get out of depression, first you need to quit drinking alcohol. Totally.
Since then, I have not been drinking for three years. I associate alcohol with grief, despair, with all the bad things that happened in my life. I do not exclude that someday I will want to drink a glass of wine, but for the time being I am not ready to part with the delightful sensation that arises in a state of constant sobriety. I began to listen carefully to myself instead of jamming my thoughts and feelings with alcohol.
The social circle has not changed: my friends calmly accepted my choice, we had a great time without alcohol before. But new acquaintances often ask why I do not drink. I know some, to avoid obsessive persuasion, they say they take antibiotics or suffer from intolerance. But I prefer to speak honestly: I do not drink, because alcohol does not bring me pleasure, joy, relaxation. It's funny that many are incredibly surprised by this reason.
Ira Lobanovskaya
I stopped drinking alcohol six months ago. The first question everyone asked me was: "Did you have any problems?" This is a symptom of society: to extinguish fires, and not to prevent them. I had no problems with alcohol, but my father and grandfather had them - heredity does not always appear and not immediately, but I do not like to foolishly take risks. I installed the application - the days counter, but I stopped counting how much I don’t drink, somewhere after the tenth.
Usually, habits are formed longer, but in my case there are many factors at once. The main thing - the desire to increase productivity. Alcohol is a depressant and even in minimal amounts reduces cognitive function. There were fewer parties because I was tired. In the hands of now non-alcoholic beer, everything is still, just leaving home earlier, when the interlocutors begin to lose the thread of conversation. Clean skin, early rise, always fresh head. And if you add a regular sport, massage and bath - your body will be happy.
We consist of a set of habits - something to do or, conversely, not to do. We do not think about whether we brush our teeth in the morning. So instead of thinking, let alone imagining the pain of abstinence syndrome, you can simply try to give up alcohol. For thirty days, for example, why not.
Vika L.
The first time I tried alcohol in high school. It seems to me that in adolescence no one can drink what is called cultural. We had some hellish gatherings, which certainly ended in a queue at the toilet. In those days I was terribly complex because of my appearance - after drinking, I felt more attractive, more relaxed, did not hesitate to talk to the guy I liked. Even then, I noticed that alcohol affects me more than others: I instantly got drunk. With age, this has not changed: I was "carried away" from a glass of champagne, and from two I lost all ability to control myself. Almost after every party I was very ashamed. And also, having drunk, I uncontrollably lowered money.
All this gradually led me to the thought that I should not drink at all - I felt too much shame because of alcohol. Now, when I am persuaded to drink, I reply that my body does not tolerate alcohol badly. Recently I was at a wedding where only I, the eighty-year-old grandfather of the groom and the pregnant bride did not drink. By the end of the evening, watching the wandering guests, who had been respectable and serious people a few hours ago, listening to their drunken conversations, I thought: “Did I also once look that way?”
Despite the fact that I do not drink, I like to read about wine and I understand it quite well, I like to study labels in the store for a long time. I do not know, perhaps this is such a compensation. Occasionally I can try a sip of expensive alcohol to appreciate the taste. But as soon as I feel the “wave” that hits my head, I immediately stop and tell myself that I don’t need it. The main positive effect of giving up alcohol, in addition to a clear conscience in the morning, for me is that I learned to take my body and interact with people without a glass.
Artyom Makarsky
The first time I gave up alcohol in 2016. In early July, I got to a closed party on the ship, where I did not think that I was swayed until, in fact, I came down to the ground. I usually try to drink alcohol sparingly. Of course, not in doses that doctors recommend, much more, but at the same time I try not to bring the matter to memory loss, nausea and other harmful effects. That night was a signal to slow down. I remember how it became easier to wake up in the morning, easier to live - in a word, everything that is usually written in joyful stories about why it is worth quitting.
I had enough for three months. I don't remember why I started drinking again. My friends were surprised, but they didn’t give a special look - maybe they were joking, but they never put pressure on me, they didn’t ask me when I would stop, for which many thanks to them. I think I just decided that it was enough time (and a lesson for me) to continue drinking, but to do it more consciously. Nevertheless, in May 2017, I again decided to quit. I am rather a well-worn, worried person, I had some kind of drama, and for a couple of days I did not leave the house. It was Victory Day, I lay there, listened to the fireworks, and realized that I wanted to quit again, since it happened.
The second time, nothing happens to you - or you may not notice it. It is still difficult to get up in the morning, there is no lightness - it would seem, well, then why give up? In my opinion, this is a frequent trap. I think I was just lucky, I realized that alcohol does not give me anything. I also thought that it was harder for me to do some things with alcohol, weight changes, and so on. This is my personal problem and metabolic features, so I never agitated anyone to stop drinking. Most likely, this is why I had no problems with the circle of friends. I live in Petersburg and still socialized in bars, I only took non-alcoholic drinks. I did not cast angry views on people who drank alcohol, did not reproach them in any way, and they answered me the same. But this is not a story with a happy ending: exactly six months later, at a house party, I pointedly poured wine into a cola and offered to drink - it was so brazen that I took the glass no less evil and drank it in one gulp. Since then, however, I try to drink very carefully, not forgetting about the water and the amount of alcohol consumed, and often refused a new portion.
Now I plan to quit alcohol again for a while. In late December, I clearly exceeded my norm. Nothing much happened (though, leaving the guests, I slipped on the stairs and twisted my leg), only in the end I looked at myself from the side and realized that I didn’t like the way I looked. I did not immediately give up alcohol, I just began to drink very little. Frankly, I do not know how much is enough for me. But I know for sure that I still will not condemn people around me - who am I to do this? And I do not think that now my decision will surprise anyone.
Svetlana D.
I completely gave up alcohol more than ten years ago; I was then thirty-six. Before that, my life was like one incessant party: I earned good money, but I didn’t like work and in my free time I tried to break away to the fullest. My husband and I had many friends, we traveled together, constantly participated in noisy feasts with an abundance of alcohol.
For thirteen years of marriage, we never acquired our own housing, there was no time to think about the child - we were only interested in regular parties with numerous friends. When my husband left for another, I had nothing left but a car, mountains of luxury clothes and endless emptiness inside because the years of my life had flowed away to nowhere. I, as before, went to parties, but now with only one purpose - to get stronger to get drunk to ease the suffering. And I began to get drunk behind the wheel. Sadly, in the companies I was always pushed towards this, for my friends it seemed to be something funny, cool and impudent. Drunk champagne rides in the city became our favorite entertainment.
Once, at a friend's birthday party, I drank one and a half bottles of champagne and sat behind the wheel - for me it was common. And then I noticed the DPS patrol, which was driving next. In a panic, I pressed on the gas, the traffic police car rushed after me. I left the city limits, had a long chase, like in a bad action movie, but in the end I was stopped. Then there was a long trial, which lasted almost a year.
Having lost the opportunity to drive my beloved car, I lost the last one, which brought me joy, but at the same time, and seemed to wake up. First, I realized how terrible I did when I got into a drunk driving, because I could kill a person. Secondly, I understood how foolishly I spent my life: I gave all my strength to the hated work and did not do what I was really interested in. I completely gave up alcohol, got a second degree, changed my profession and social circle - it turned out that all these years I have been surrounded not by friends, but by my friends. Only having lived without alcohol, in which my personality disappeared for many years, I realized who I really am: a person who has interests, plans, a favorite thing. For all this, I need a clear head, so there is no longer any place for alcohol in my life - it has already taken too much of my time.
Uliana Z.
I had to give up alcohol for health reasons. I have been suffering from eating disorders for about ten years: I went into remission several times, but I could not finally cope with them. From the age of thirteen I have been sitting on rigid “one apple a day” diets, but at the same time I have never limited myself in alcohol - it was a great way to stifle obsessive thoughts about my own imperfection. In the community of forever losing weight, there is the concept of "drankoreksiya" - this is when a person replaces food intake with alcohol. From time to time I sat on such a "diet" and after a couple of years I really became very thin - but at the same time my periods disappeared, my hair fell out, I was constantly sick.
I understood that at a certain moment I would die if I did not start eating a balanced diet, but the fear of eating was so strong that I could not swallow a single piece. In the fight against this fear, alcohol helped me again, which blocked the feeling of guilt. All day I did not eat anything, and in the evening I came home and opened a bottle of wine that allowed me to have dinner without being tormented by remorse. These experiments on myself did not pass without a trace: the stomach was constantly ill from everything I ate or drank. Common sense dictated that we should stop drinking alcohol. But at the same time, I saw the only way to eat without pain - to drown it with alcohol.
When the doctors to whom I addressed talked about the unconditional harm of alcohol to my body, I stopped drinking for a week, but as soon as I was getting better, I immediately made up for lost time. I did this not because I really wanted to drink, but all the time there were some situations in which I thought I was supposed to miss a glass: a friend's birthday, New Year, a meeting with classmates. I knew that alcohol was bad for my already poor health, but I drank, afraid to fall out of my social circle. I never had the spirit to refuse. As a result, after six months I had an acute attack of pancreatitis and I spent a day on the verge of life and death. Only after that I realized that I still had to quit with alcohol.
I do not drink more than a year. Honestly, for the first few months it was very hard for me, especially when traveling, where every now and then you see people drinking wine from thin glasses in a restaurant - and you go to the hotel to make yourself a gastric collection and cook oatmeal. Besides, my husband is a great wine connoisseur, and I could no longer keep him company. There was a feeling that I had fallen out of social life: my colleagues stopped inviting me for Friday's gatherings, the girlfriend no longer called for me to speak out for a glass of wine. I felt like an "inferior" person, less often began to meet with friends, go somewhere. I think it was difficult precisely because of the categorical prohibition: that what is impossible is always very desirable.
It took a long time before I could finally accept the situation. Friends, too, finally got used to the idea that I did not drink, and although there were fewer of them, the friendship with those with whom it was good and without alcohol became more valuable. The husband of solidarity, too, almost does not drink and says that he feels much better. Another plus is significant savings. Health has improved, and now I can already afford a glass or two. But life has already changed, and alcohol has lost its previous importance for me.
PHOTO: LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS - stock.adobe.com (1, 2)