“I don’t need to set me a frame”: I have been living without one hand since childhood
My name is Kate Hook, I am 21 years old and I have no left hand. Self-irony is perhaps the most effective cure for complexes, so my pseudonym is Hook. Most often, with my relatives, I joke that I am “armless” - this helps me not to complex with the prosthesis. Until now, no one knows why I was born this way: doctors shrug their shoulders, the Internet does not give a clear answer. They say that it is a matter of genetics: genetic information with a “mistake” is transmitted from parent to child - but even this cannot be sure.
Mom told me that when I was born, one of the nurses saw me and said to the midwife: "Wow, maybe we will not talk about the new mother?" - to which the midwife replied: "She will not notice?" My family, of course, was shocked by this turn of events. After the birth, I spent a couple of months in the hospital, and my parents were worried all this time and tried to understand what to do with me - they naturally did not intend to give me away, but how to live further and how to educate me remained a question. In the end, they decided to treat me like an ordinary child, so from an early age I did everything the same as other children. I had the first prosthesis when I was about one and a half years old, so I did not have to get used to it - it became a part of me and helped with many household things. Children, as a rule, didn’t pay much attention either - they continued this way until they went to kindergarten.
In the garden, the children made me understand that something was wrong with me. They called me names and offended me, so I hated kindergarten from the first days, and every morning of mine began with tears. Because of the great reluctance to go into the garden, I often ached and cried frantically for a long time. The teachers and other adults looked at me, the girl with the prosthesis, with pity and often did not know how to treat me, so I was separated from the rest of the children: I slept in a separate bed on the edge of the room, the chair that I was supposed to change generally behind the closet. Sometimes they said to me: “Do not do this if you cannot”, but it was spinning in my head: “I can do everything, I don’t need to put a frame on me”.
When I went to school, the teachers communicated with me with care, because I was a “unusual” child. And classmates (thanks to them for that!) Played with me just as they did with everyone. In my class, everything was calm enough, and I was not the object of ridicule, but at the school itself there were rumors about me: some said that I got into a car accident, others - that the shark bit me, and I occasionally confirmed this information for laughter. At school, few people asked me about it in the forehead - but there were people who approached me on the street or in the subway and asked: "What's wrong with your hand?" Up to fourteen years in such situations, I was speechless and began to cry. When I became older, I began to simply leave without answering, because I did not know how to react to such insolence, how to tell about it and not cry. The biggest stress for me was when questions about the prosthesis were asked by representatives of the opposite sex: if a boy wanted to talk to me about it, and even the one I liked, I was ready to fall through the ground and burst into tears before his eyes.
Today I understand that if it were not for my prosthesis, I would not be so responsive and strong
I did not tell my parents about my experiences, it would upset them - we generally tried not to talk about this topic, because it was painful for me and for mom and dad. I remember that I was about ten years old, I was staying with my grandmother, we were going to go shopping, and I put on rings and bracelets for the prosthesis. Grandma saw it and told me to remove the jewelry, because it only attracts too much attention to the prosthesis. I removed the bracelets, but only recently I realized that I did not need to do this.
Work on the complexes is a long process. I still sometimes find myself afraid that I’m afraid to tell a stranger about a prosthesis, but then I’m driving these thoughts away: if someone doesn’t want to communicate with me because of this, it means he has problems, not me. I remember as a teenager I cried every night in the pillow due to the fact that I did not have a hand, and I thought that this is why my life would not be happy. I thought that I would never marry and give birth to children, because no one would love me like this. But with my personal life, everything is going well for me, and I cannot say that I was once deprived of male attention. Today I understand that if it were not for my prosthesis, I would not be so responsive and strong. My character was formed thanks to everything that I had to overcome from birth. I am grateful that everything went the way it did.
Every person with a disability undergoes a medical examination. When I collected documents about my condition, I was warned that they could remove my disability, because there was no threat to my life - that is, I would be considered a healthy person without a hand, according to all laws and documents. Therefore, at the medical board I pretended to be very weak - it was the only way I managed to defend my disability. I would not say that a person with a third-group disability in Russia has some special privileges: I cannot even park my car in a specially designated place, I do not have free access to the subway, I’m supposed to receive rehabilitation equipment and prostheses on time.
My friends and I myself want to make me a prosthesis, because the one that the state provides seems to me very ugly. I ask all the familiar designers to come up with a prosthesis of various materials to show people that they can be both affordable and beautiful. After all, a prosthesis can become an object of art, like the singer Victoria Modesta from Latvia. Seeing her, I was delighted and even more convinced that the dentures can be beautiful. But, unfortunately, the culture of unusual prostheses in Russia is not developed, and they cost quite a lot of money. In Europe, these costs are covered by the insurance company, and our state allocates thirty thousand rubles, which can be made except for a plastic prosthesis in the center of medical and social expertise, prosthetics and rehabilitation of persons with disabilities named after G. A. Albrecht. My friends and I tried to print the prosthesis on a 3D printer, but so far the successful model has failed. Our goal is to make a beautiful and comfortable "hand" so that in the summer I can wear T-shirts and not be shy.
People with disabilities can rarely be seen on the street - if they are, then most often they are people who beg for money on the subway. Russia does not teach people with disabilities to treat people with disabilities calmly and with respect. Not long ago, I heard the phrase of my mother, who said to her child: "Do not look at him, uncle is sick." Yes, not sick uncle! He simply does not have legs! When a foreigner walks through the city on foreign prostheses, people look at him as if he is from another planet. In Russia they pretend that there are no people with disabilities: we have few ramps and equipped pedestrian crossings - not everywhere you can go with a pram, what about a wheelchair. There are a lot of people with disabilities, they are just too shy to show themselves, therefore other people are not used to the fact that we are all different. Sometimes I see people with hand prostheses in public transport, but more often they put a hand with a prosthesis in a pocket or wear a black glove so that it is less noticeable.
I am sad that very little is being done in Russia for people with disabilities. There are quite a lot of bureaucracy here, and for every occasion you need to collect hundreds of documents. But even if you collect a hundred papers proving that you need a prosthesis, you will most likely find that there is no funding. I don’t complain, but I’m offended that children with disabilities have to wait for wheelchairs, artificial limbs and other means of rehabilitation for many years and they may not be allocated the right amount of money. In Petersburg, only one institute is engaged in the manufacture of prostheses. There they are doing the same as in the nineties - and yet in the courtyard the twenty-first century! But to get from the state of modern artificial limbs is unrealistic.
There are a lot of people with disabilities, they just feel free to show themselves
After school, I faced the question of choosing a profession and a university. At the beginning of the eleventh grade, I decided to enter the Mukhinskoe College, because I had painted and graduated from art school all my life. The third group of disability did not help me to enter the budget space allocated for people with disabilities, and for a regular budget I did not have a couple of points. My family is not very rich, so I decided to try again in a year. At this time I got a job as an administrator, every day I went to courses and to private teachers to prepare for admission. This year was very important for accepting myself: I began to communicate with people who implement their own projects, are engaged in creative work and do not think about the opinions of others. I worked in various positions and understood that in professions I have no restrictions - I can do everything. Before getting a job, I kept silent about the fact that I didn’t have a hand, I waited for my bosses to respect me as an employee. As a rule, when they learned about disability, they did not say anything - I remember only once, when the boss shouted at me because of this.
The following year I entered the budget department and continued to work in my friends' clothing store. They sold things by Russian designers, and I realized that I also wanted to sew clothes - later I launched my own brand of clothes and accessories, Total Kryuk. Being engaged in its development, every day I am convinced that I can do everything. The motto of Total Kryuk is “One Right”; This slogan we printed on the right sleeve of sweatshirts. Buyers often ask us about its meaning, and we always tell them my story. I do not want to call myself special, but if my example can motivate someone, this is the most important thing that I can give to people.
I have no difficulties in my work. I can't play the guitar, I can't tie myself a straight pigtail, but I can draw, drive with a manual gearbox, swim, sew clothes, work at the computer, cook - in general, do almost everything that other people do. I do not have one hand, but I have a lot of ambitions. Thanks to that year after the eleventh grade, I was able to understand what I really needed.
I can not say that I got rid of all the complexes, but I work on it every day. With my example, I want to show that nothing can prevent you from being happy and doing something that truly brings pleasure. Developing my brand and telling people about myself, I am convinced that some still react to those who differ from them adequately, with respect and understanding. Therefore, I urge everyone to be kinder to each other and remember that people who are supposed to be close will love you in all circumstances.
Photo: Dmitry Skobelev
