Genderfak: I'm constantly confused with a boy, so what?

Contrary to popular belief, the boy is not distinguished from the girl by sexual characteristics, but several centimeters of curls. Before I first came out of the barber shop with shaved temples, no one questioned my gender. Although, it would seem, I always dressed in men's things not in size and somehow pulled up a flimsy aspen for the sake of victory in “Cossacks-robbers”. But now everything is different.

The man has a beard and a rough voice, and the woman has a bulging chest and flowing movements; case is closed

In the yard in 2015, short hair and pants women wear a long time. However, beggars, children (and their parents), guides, guards, and salespeople are still turning to me, “Hey, boy!”, And some people loudly discuss my gender among themselves. I do not find this offensive - mainly because I was born as a cisgender woman - but most acquaintances are truly terrifying. Usually they are taken to console me: "Do not worry! You are a beautiful girl and do not look like a man at all," - it is understood that an androgynous girl in a man’s style can not be beautiful by default.

I did not try to try on the role of a boy, except for those cases when I called a male name in Starbucks because of mischief. Moreover, it seems to me that it is only necessary to speak, how everything will fall into place - maybe it is in the timbre of the voice, or maybe in the habit of constantly asking for forgiveness. But if the external border of the floor is blurred, where exactly does it go now?

Readers of the children's encyclopedia "I know the world" (that is, at the time and I) in the signs of gender was not supposed to doubt. The man has a beard and a rough voice, and the woman has a bulging chest and flowing movements; case is closed. More difficult with babies who seem absolutely identical to any stranger. A sexually mature person who is recruiting on Google "how obstetricians determine the sex of a child" will be considered incongruous — and in vain; there everything is not as obvious as at first glance. As you know, the external genitalia develop from the so-called sexual tubercle - and the floor itself is determined precisely by the ruler: everything that is less than 1 centimeter is called the clitoris, everything that is more than 2.5 centimeters is the penis. Because of these one and a half centimeters, my grandfather somehow cried: having learned that my father was born to him, and not a long-awaited girl, he could not hold back tears right on the threshold of the maternity hospital.

As the scientists say, children begin to distinguish the sex somewhere from 2-3 years old, but it largely determines their life before birth. The family needs to choose clothes, furniture and toys of a suitable shade of pink or blue; after all, we cannot address the child “it wants to eat”, our language is deeply imbued with gender differences. So when I ask myself, why should I find out my gender, in order to ask for a trifle or ask for directions, I’m a little cunning: the language where the plane is masculine, and the door is female, teaches us to think in similar categories.

These small details can prevent even those parents who want to raise their children without gender stereotypes. As the study showed, at the age of 5-6 years, children perceive gender as a biological sex, and girls are sure that they will still play with dolls, even if they grow up in an exclusively male society. Other researchers showed the children a photograph of a man who was cooking dinner for his family, but this did not affect their stereotypes - later, remembering the picture, the children said that it was a woman or that the man was repairing the stove instead of preparing the food.

Pop culture teaches us the same thing. According to the plot of the Disney cartoon "Mulan", the main character is first rejected as a worthless bride, and then she needs to change into a man in order to go to war. In his essay "My daughter believes that Bilbo Baggins is a girl," scientific journalist Michel Neuhays argues that it is easier for children to associate with heroes of their own sex. Therefore, literature can and should be subject to revision - fan fiction, for example, can be the easiest and most convenient way to create compelling female characters in classic stories.

But even after the “Hunger Games” had already begun, ended and gained a prequel, Amy Schumer in “A Girl Without Complexes” proclaimed the right of a woman to a sexual choice, and my haircut finally went out of fashion, the main artifact defining men and women remained - behavioral norms, the choice that is expected from each of us.

As Charlotte Witt, the author of The Metaphysics of Gender, notes, you can only cancel the rule that applies to you. If I were born a man, would I become a different person? Probably would wear the same hairstyle, the same boring pants, boots, sweaters and shirts. But almost certainly, I would take the opposite life decisions - simply because they are waiting for them from the boy - and would come to a different result. I would go to study abroad instead of staying at school, because this is “safer and more logical for a young girl”. I would ask for as much money for my work as I considered fair, and not take it, how much they would give. In the end, I would not apologize to every person who pushed me into the subway.

Gender helps us to show identity, and not only hangs around the neck of the yoke of perennial principles and rules

Life is a terrible and unpredictable thing, and we seem to need stereotypes to quickly read information and make decisions. Don't put your head in the jaws of a lion. Do not go through the dark streets in a short skirt. "Do not behave like a woman" at a meeting and "do not behave like a man" on a date - and then the company will understand you, accept and everything will work out. Therefore, these behavioral one and a half centimeters, which truly divide men and women, are so difficult to finally overcome. It is difficult to understand what you really want - to stay with a sick child or go to an important work meeting - and what family, friends and everyone you know want for you.

These norms are already cracking somewhere. One of the main things that influenced my femininity was the reality show RuPaul's Drag Race, in which transgender people compete for the title of the most beautiful and most daring. A show about how clothes, ingenuity, charm and a million sparkles turn you not into an object of desire, but a full-fledged daring and beautiful woman helped me to understand - first of all, gender helps us to show identity, and not only hangs the yoke of perennial foundations and rules. In addition, "RuPaul's Drag Race" is also a very interesting show.

Therefore, conscious misnding for both men and women is not fair. You can not call a crying man "young lady." Do not force a transgender woman to flush makeup. Do not tell me "you dress like a man" or "you are asexual androgynous." For a person who has never been taken away identity, there is nothing offensive about it. But for people who are insulted for the right to be photographed on the right, the situation looks different.

When the stereotyped ideas imposed on us about men and women do not work, it turns out that we have no others. But are they really needed in a world where gender is no longer binary? Everybody is educated in different ways, and gender studies are not yet included in the general education program of Russian universities, but there is one surefire rule in this fast-moving world: try to understand. If you called a girl a boy - sorry, no big deal. If you can not determine who is in front of you, ask politely. Nobody will blame you for this - but for the right to decide exactly where we are on these one and a half centimeters, Ru-Ru and I are ready to fight to the last.

Photo: Rita Popova / Instagram