Passive rebellion: Why laziness does not exist
Probably NO ON THE HUMAN LIGHTwho would not have said at least once: "You're just lazy." We hear about laziness from childhood - from parents, grandparents, teachers ("Able girl, but lazy. We need to try harder!"). Later, we ourselves begin to use this phrase and call ourselves, our partners and children lazy. But is everything so simple with this idea?
Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary tells us that laziness is “reluctance to work, aversion from work, from work, from work; a tendency toward idleness, to parasitism.” It is interesting that laziness is considered here in two senses at once: as an act or a temporary state when a person does not want to work, or as a permanent trait of character - if a person is prone to doing nothing.
Nevertheless, psychology treats laziness in a completely different way: it considers that this is not a feeling or a quality of character, but a social construct. There are basic emotions - fear, sadness, anger and joy - which are the same for all higher mammals, and we feel them approximately equally. But such a feeling as laziness does not exist - there is a feeling of fatigue or a state of apathy, there is aggression, which can be expressed in the unwillingness to do something (the very “aversion to work”). There is no lazy quality of character either - with its help we describe people who don’t want to do something that we think they should. Even if we are talking about ourselves.
Where did laziness come from
Usually, parents or teachers tell us about laziness for the first time. A child can learn that he is "lazy" in different situations: for example, when he, according to his elders, is not energetic enough - that is, he is apathetic and lethargic. A healthy child should really be active, so lethargy is really a cause for concern. But in this case it is better to consult a doctor or psychologist, and not to glue the labels.
The second and probably the most frequent option is when the child is not interested in what his parents consider useful and necessary: “Lazy clean the room”, “Lazy doing homework or writing words”, “Lazy visiting the grandparents”. There are hundreds of different reasons behind the reluctance to do anything - but since parents are considered indisputable authority, and talking with their child about their desires and feelings in our culture is still not accepted, it is accepted to write off any insubordination either to bad behavior (when a child actively revolts), or to laziness (it is considered a passive riot).
Growing up, we get used to this concept and begin to describe ourselves and other people through it. Unfortunately, the idea of "laziness" prevents us from understanding our own feelings, motivations, and even tracking our physical condition: a sudden apathy, which we habitually dubbed laziness, when examined by a doctor may turn out to be starting bronchitis, reduced hemoglobin levels or pregnancy. The concept of laziness can lead to the fact that we begin to put pressure on ourselves. Compare: the phrase "I resist this" leads to further reflection, prompts to figure out what is happening - what I resist, what is the reason? What I do not like or not close? And the words "I am lazy (lazy)" imply a moral look. Laziness here is a “vice” that needs to be eradicated.
“Laziness” is a convenient label for a whole tangle of confused feelings, uncomfortable and unpleasant relationships, conflicts that prevent us from being active.
Psychologists or coaches are often approached with the following request: “How do I start the tenth project, when the previous nine exhausted me to a state of semi-corpses?”, “I sleep four hours, I work twelve hours a week without days off, and I can’t start studying French. lazy, huh? " Of course, laziness has nothing to do with it. A person who is tired to a pulp can not be helped by any methods of self-motivation. His problem is rather that he cannot stop to consider himself an omnipotent cyborg and recognize himself as a living person with a need for rest, doing nothing and having fun.
Usually in such cases one has to turn to childhood and family settings. Often there you can find ideas that the rest is “shameful”, that you need to “earn it” or have good reasons for it (three years without leave, a serious illness). Or installation that they love only those who benefit. A lot of good. A person who wants to be loved and accepted, begins to work hard, destroying himself and close relationships - there is simply no resource left for them. When he feels that relations are collapsing, he feels himself to be unnecessary, then, in spite of everything, he tries to work even more. After all, mom and dad showed that they love just such - it means that it should work with other people!
What hides laziness
Very often, “laziness” is a convenient label for a whole tangle of entangled feelings, uncomfortable and unpleasant relationships, conflicts that prevent us from being active. For example, you are "lazy" to get a second degree or engage in advanced training. It is terrible to think: maybe you are "lazy" because you do not want to do what seems senseless to you? For example, if you did not set the goal yourself - just someone from the people who are significant to you inspired you that a second higher education is necessary.
If you go to the courses or sit after the main work at the desk there are no forces and you desperately skip, it's time to ask yourself: why was it all started? If you want to change the scope of activities, maybe it will be enough just to apply for an internship? Or even just send a resume to a position with a slightly lower salary, having entered there all the experience of work in close specialties. You'd be surprised how shorter the path to the goal is, if you figure out what you really want.
Or maybe the original goal was to please mom and dad? Then you should look for a less energy-intensive way - or even work with a psychologist on where the demonstration of love and gratitude to parents ends and the living of other people's life scenarios begins.
The phrase “you're just lazy” is also an excellent means of manipulation. In essence, a person says to you: "I want you to do this. If you do not do this, I will consider you bad and I will try to convince you of the same thought"
You should be wary if laziness encompasses you whenever you undertake a task (meeting, project, trip) connected with a certain person or group of people. For example, at work, you postpone the task from a specific client until the last, although you always fulfill the others on time - you simply cannot bring yourself to start. Or you get lazy before going to some friends or relatives, although in other cases you can take a long way to go. It even happens that over and over again you do not want to open a book or watch a movie recommended by someone.
In this case, it is worth remembering what happened in your relationship lately. There are usually good reasons: laziness turns out to be a way to passively resist aggression, trespassing, humiliation, violation of agreements. Indeed, "laziness" to meet with a friend who canceled two previous meetings when you were already on the road. And I do not want to do a project for a client, from whom then months have to demand a fee. "Laziness" to go to relatives who criticize your lifestyle, rude, violate borders. And even a book from a person who treats you badly, you do not want to read - and the point is not that you do not pursue knowledge, but the fact that complex feelings towards a person are transferred to reading, watching a film, a trip.
"You're just lazy!"
The phrase “you're just lazy” is also an excellent means of manipulation. In essence, a person says to you: "I want you to do this. If you do not do this, I will consider you bad, and you will try to instill the same thought." Here it is appropriate to talk not about the qualities of your character, but about the activities that you allegedly are too lazy to perform.
Conversation that an employee at work is lazy can be a “good” way to disown all uncomfortable questions, from salary delays to an imbalance of power and responsibility. So the employer may try to transfer the conversation from business relations to the categories of evaluation and morality, and this is wrong. Perhaps you are "lazy" to take on other people's duties and recycle at no extra charge. Or you are “lazy” to independently carry out a project that requires more formal authority and promotion. And here it is very useful to call things by their own names: "Sorry, I do not consider it acceptable to require me to stay until nine o'clock on Friday evening without payment for processing", "In order to take this project, I must have the right to sign documents and your power of attorney."
When a partner says that you are “just lazy” to wash the floors and cook dinner after a full day, instead of accusations and excuses, it is more appropriate to talk about how to share household chores. If you are "lazy" to visit your mother at the cottage for hundreds of kilometers from the city, you should think about what was happening in your relationship or whether you are tired. In any case, it is useful to think not about laziness, but about whether a working person is physically able to drive six hours in traffic jams on a Saturday to a dacha, in order to go home on Sunday night from Sunday to Monday, and how much it is necessary to express love for parents in this form (this is a big question).
The idea of laziness is like a trashcan, where they throw out completely different disagreeable and uncomfortable feelings instead of dealing with them.
One of the most difficult questions is when there is a conflict behind laziness. Worst of all, when what you do contradicts your values - if you exaggerate, it is very difficult to be a vegan and work at a meat processing plant, or advocate body-positive and advertise beauty contests. In this case, laziness is literally salvation. This is a healthy resistance to what a person considers to be immoral, harmful, or dishonest. And an activity that goes against your life principles is better to change as soon as possible, because it is destructive.
The idea of laziness is like a trashcan, where they throw out completely different disagreeable and uncomfortable feelings instead of dealing with them. So if you are overcome by laziness and feelings of guilt for her, it is time to rummage in this basket, get out the accumulated feelings and emotions and carefully examine them.
Photo: Zamurovic - stock.adobe.com (1, 2, 3)
