"The prosthesis is cool, but it is not a hand": Margarita Gracheva about life after an attack
December 11 last year, Dmitry Grachev brought his wife Margarita in the forest near the town of Serpukhov. The man tortured the girl for an hour and a half, cut off her hands, and then took her to the hospital. The girl managed to restore one hand, and the second one replaced the prosthesis. In late September, Dmitry Grachev was deprived of parental rights, the verdict on other cases has not yet been rendered. We met with Margarita Gracheva (Ilyina) in St. Petersburg and talked to her about domestic violence, about the courts, about what it is like to be a person with a prosthesis in Russia, about the not-so-simple fame and about the future.
Interview: Irina Kuzmichyova
About crime
It all started last summer. By that time, Dmitry and I were married for five years, we had two children. We lived in the same apartment, but life was already conducted separately. Of course, sometimes quarreling - everyone quarrels. But I never went to my mother. He did not leave the house either - only suddenly he began to ignore me. At that time I got into a car accident (I was driving and crashed into me) - he didn’t care. I first organized a large-scale competition at work - he did not come to support me. In addition, he began to invent wild things - for example, that the younger son was not from him. Or, if I put on the underwear of the same color, he said that I had a lover.
He was waiting for my response emotions, he was seething, he wanted to hurt me. But by October, it seemed as if something had finally burned out in me — I didn’t want to shake my nerves, and it was all the same. I filed for divorce. When he found out about it, he beat me, tore up my passport and belongings, threw out the cosmetics. Actually, from the moment I told Dmitry that I wanted to get a divorce, all these terrible events began. Many people think that he beat me, and I was a victim and endured. No up
There was nothing like a divorce. Then, at my request, he moved out of the one-room apartment where we lived with the children. After we parted, the car stayed with Dmitry. I changed the locks in the apartment.
For a while I did not go with him in the car at all under any circumstances. Although help was needed to take the children to the garden: there was no direct bus from the neighborhood where we lived, no taxi with two child seats, and children should be brought by eight in the morning. I used to do it myself, but now he had the car. In addition, the last ten days, Dima has been courteous and put me to sleep, my fear has receded a little. I could not even imagine what a terrible plan he had come up with. I thought that after the divorce, we will jointly raise children.
On November 10, he took me to the forest for the first time and threatened me with a knife. Many ask why I got in his car. I did not sit down - he pulled me and blocked the doors, it was useless to shout and resist. After that, I wrote a statement to the district police officer. The policeman accepted him, but he called me back only twenty-one days later, in early December. He did not take any concrete measures. I think that after this incident, Dmitry became convinced of his impunity and began to think of a plan for revenge.
Since that day, my mother and I began to call up every day, morning and evening. She and my colleagues had his car number. I warned that if suddenly by nine in the morning I did not come to work so that they would start looking for me. On the morning of December 11, when I did not come to work, my mother called the police and the person on duty around the city, asked to find a car. But no one was going to take quick measures. They asked only: "At what address did he take her?"
I wanted to put the suitcase in the trunk, but Grachev said: “Put it back,” then I didn’t know that there was already an ax and harnesses in the trunk
On December 11, we took the children to the garden in his car; he promised to throw me to work later. Before that, we drove to my mother for a suitcase, because on December 14, I had to go with my children and mother to the Snow Maiden's homeland, Kostroma, to celebrate the birthday of the eldest son - he was five years old. I wanted to put the suitcase in the trunk, but Grachev said: “Put it back,” then I didn’t know that the ax and the harnesses were already in the trunk. I got into the car. He took the phone from me, blocked the doors. And we went. But not to work, but to the forest.
In the forest we were an hour and a half. I do not want to go into details. But even then, he checked what pants and a bra were on me — well, they were not from the same set, but he probably would have done something else with me. Before putting the ax into action, he pulled my hands with harnesses so that I would not die. Not out of pity. First, murder is another article of the Criminal Code. Secondly, he knows my character: at that time it was worse for me to get a disability than to die. I thought and I think that the most important thing is that everyone be alive and well, and the rest can be corrected or overcome. He knew how much harnesses could be held (prepared in advance), and watched the time. I remember that after forty minutes, already in the car, I said that I didn’t feel a hand, and he replied: “It's OK. You can keep it for an hour.” He took me to the hospital - this, like the purchase of an ax, is a premeditated and planned measure: for a third-time attendance, they remove a third of the term. That's scary - to plan and live with it, smiling at me and the children.
I was conscious all the time. Although I was always afraid of the sight of blood and faint when I pass the tests. Now I also have a panic fear of harnesses: when the nurse pulls my hand to take blood from a vein, they are so narrowed that they cannot be found with a needle. Consciousness, I lost in the hospital - and then, after reporting the main information: I dictated the number of my mother, asked the doctors to untie the harnesses and explained how to remove the underwear. I had a bra with a complex clasp, I said: "Cut." And disconnected.
The right brush hung on a piece of leather, but there was nothing to restore it. There was no left hand, its parts remained in the forest, there were very serious injuries: eight fractures, damage to the veins, blood vessels, tendons. There was no chance to find a brush, but, fortunately, it was discovered five hours later. By that time, I had already formed a stump — they had sewn up the vessels and everything else. Couldn't wait, doctors saved my life. The operation in Serpukhov lasted five hours, in Moscow - ten.
Well, that on the street was zero degrees. Already at minus two, frostbite and tissue necrosis occur, with plus two, decomposition would begin and the severed left hand could not be saved. Zero is the ideal temperature to save a limb. It is good that the hand was collected, sewn and it caught on. And that raised money for the prosthesis. Even in my situation there are pluses.
About ships
After December 11, Grachev and I never saw each other. Lawyers go to court sessions instead of me: one from St. Petersburg (paid), the other from Moscow (free, from Andrei Malakhov). I am obliged to come to the hearing of the main case. See you then.
In January, when Dmitry was already in the SIZO, our marriage was terminated. Also in the winter, he spent a month in the Center for Psychiatry and Narcology named after V. Serbsky for a medical examination - he was recognized as sane. There are still many cases to be solved in court: the case of beatings, the case of the district police officer, the main criminal case - there are more cases of kidnapping and others.
The court three times refused to deny his parental rights. Three meetings were held in Serpukhov. At the third ruling, the decision was postponed until the main sentence was passed, and I wanted to deprive him of his rights earlier, because minor children are another mitigating circumstance and because I believe that a sadist cannot be a good father. Then the case was sent to the Moscow Regional Court on appeal, then again returned to the Serpukhov court for consideration. And on September 27 from the fifth attempt he was deprived of parental rights. I think he will appeal.
I wrote to Putin. I asked to tighten the deadline and ensure the safety of me and my family. Mom wrote in all instances. The answer to the first appeal to the president took two months; the appeal was mistakenly lowered to Solnechnogorsk. Wrote more. They replied that the courts are a separate organization, outside the competence of the president. And nothing can be done.
About recovery
The left hand is restored literally in millimeters. Now she works at twenty percent, there have been many operations and there will be many more. Now they made cuts to release the extensor muscles, before that - for the flexors. The nearest surgery in half a year: they will release the tendons from the postoperative scars. But each operation is new seams, which means new scars. And, of course, anesthesia is done every time. In my case it is not necessary to choose. What I can do now with my left hand is already cool. When it was sewn, the probability that it would take root at all was very low.
Now I have two bionic prosthesis for the right hand. Sensors from them are connected to the muscles of the forearm and react to signals that the brain sends: you need to imagine that you are bending your fingers and they are bent. But everything is not so simple: when you worry, the signal may not reach your hand. Recently a man approached me in the hospital, asked: "Can I shake your hand?" I squeezed, but I can not unclench it - I was nervous, probably. Then she calmed down and let go. Not
I must approach me with such requests, please: I am very calm about such things, but ten times a day it can be difficult. You do not ask other people to touch their hands.
I used to be right handed, now I work with both hands. Fork and spoon hold in the right prosthesis. For the left, I have a special spoon on an elastic band, sometimes I eat it. The first time the message on the tablet typed elbow. Now I’m typing on the phone with my left finger, because the sensor does not respond to the prosthesis. I do not know how to write, and it is very important for me to restore this skill. I love paper books - at first I suffered, that I could not turn the pages, but now I bought six books at once. Once I tried to open a plastic box with blueberries - it did not work, threw it into the wall. But I do not know how to fasten the buttons well, but it is already getting better - but for now I use a special device. I know how to fasten zippers, but with each new one you need to learn anew. There is a thing to wear tights, I want to order it. You can, of course, buy pants with elastic and a sweater without a buckle, but I do not want to limit myself. I can draw a pencil eyebrows, paint eyelashes. But I can not tie my hair with a rubber band or a hairpin - as a woman, I suffer a lot.
For a person who was born without hands, a prosthesis is really cool. And I had hands, I have something to compare
I don’t feel anything with a prosthesis, so I need to see what I’m doing - I can’t do anything in the dark. I pet the cat, and the hand does not understand what it is, although I can touch the other part of the hand. On the first day I broke the glass on the presented tablet: I grabbed it, but I did not calculate the strength. But already distinguish between hot and cold. The first two months almost did not go out: it was winter and there was a danger of freezing my arm and not noticing it. Once I poured water from the cooler, accidentally hurt the red lever - I noticed, already when there was a burn.
My dream is to get behind the wheel again: they even drive with two prostheses. But it is dangerous, because if a stressful situation arises, I can send the wrong impulse to the prosthesis and unscrew the steering wheel in the wrong direction, for example.
A denture is cool, but it's not a hand at all. The human hand has more than one hundred grips, the “robot hand” has eight. The difference is significant, but for the prosthesis this is still the maximum of opportunities - with it I can fasten the zipper, clench my fist. It is expensive (four million rubles) and very fragile, in three years it will have to be changed. Since August, he has been in repair in Germany: I put on my pants and broke my index finger. Repair costs more than 130 thousand rubles, I do it for the money that people sent - thanks to everyone. The second prosthesis has only one grip; I can hold them with a fork or a spoon, I sweep. I have it every day. And the one, beautiful, on the way out, like an evening dress. For a person who was born without hands, a prosthesis is really cool. And I had hands, I have something to compare. Doctors wonder why I am not happy about small victories, but I cannot squeeze the fist of my left hand, I will not consider this a victory.
In Russia, people with disabilities are not visible on the streets, so it seems that they are not there. In fact, a lot of them. In February, I went to Germany for a prosthesis and noticed that the attitude towards people with disabilities there is completely different. No one was looking at me there, but here they were staring like I was an alien or a Terminator. In the summer I went in a short-sleeved T-shirt, did not complex. I turned around - they were exactly staring at my hands, but did not recognize me.
The word "disabled" does not offend me. Almost no one calls me that, but if they call me, not out of evil. When I was given a second prosthesis, black and white, I was totally against the “glove”, which imitates the skin, as on my first prosthesis. I want the prosthesis to be visible. I want to show that the prosthesis is not scary. Because a part of me is metal, I didn't become dumber or worse, I remained myself. Just sometimes I need help.
About future
I am constantly moving around the cities. I am doing operations in Moscow with Timofey Sukhinin, who sewed my hand. I’m going through rehabilitation in Petersburg, as the three best brush therapists work here. I love all my doctors very much. In the summer I returned home from Moscow from an operation, a week later - to St. Petersburg for three weeks and again home, then a two-week recovery at the Paralympic base in Sochi, returned home, five days later I left for an operation again in Moscow, and now I am in St. Petersburg. Plus, I collected documents for disability and for a prosthesis from the state (not yet approved), for a pension, on a social card. This is a huge stream. Sometimes I do not have time to navigate where I am.
While I am in hospitals, sons are with mom. We live with her: so closer to kindergarten, but I still need help in everyday life and replacement when I'm in the hospital. But I plan to go back to my apartment. In general, I try to do everything myself, I want to understand what I can and what not yet. Now she came to St. Petersburg alone, without her mother. From 2015 on my page in VK there is a status: “Everything is possible! The impossible just takes more time”.
Now the money is no longer sent. And they, of course, are needed. I have the first disability group, non-working, that is, I cannot get a job. In any case, this is not possible in the near future: there are still many operations and rehabilitations ahead. Allowance of about ten thousand rubles, plus a surcharge for children - 1600 for each - while I received it once. More treatment, travel, food, clothes. Do not clear your mind. A prosthesis costs four million rubles. After three years it needs to be changed.
I have worked since I was fourteen. From sixteen she lived in Moscow, in a student hostel. During my studies I worked as an animator. In nineteen years she became pregnant. At the state exam at the institute came pregnant with a second child at the 39th week and with a bag for pregnant women. Has handed over, in some days has given birth. She completed the slides for the diploma in the maternity hospital, and the next day after discharge she defended it. After two decrees, she went to work for a local newspaper: first, she was the manager of the advertising department, then she became head of the department. Husband worked as a loader driver in a warehouse. He earned more than me, but he understood that, left alone, I could provide for myself. This also infuriated him.
A year or later I want to go to another group of disabilities and find a job. I love to work and suffer without cause. I will work for 150%, I don’t need any indulgences. I want to engage in creativity, organize projects - I can not without it. But the main thing is that I want to do something related to legislation or disability, maybe I will go to the Duma.
About publicity
My mother is a correspondent for local television, I worked for a newspaper. I understand that everyone needs a “fever”, and nobody is interested in reading stories about how I walk and smile. Some people think that I’m smiling because they’re pumping me up in the hospital. Others wonder why I do not cry. And I do not want to cry. Maybe later I will burst, but for now it is not necessary to push for it. Honestly, for all this time I cried three times - once because I was in the hospital and missed the matinee in the kindergarten for children. I see no reason to cry, only time to lose. Hands from tears will not grow back. I think about the present and the future. The most important thing now is my health.
I think it annoys him that I smile. And that they sewed my hand, probably angry. Probably, he was counting on something else: I did not know that my hands were being sewn, and so was he. If I knew, then the hands would have gotten worse. But in general, I don’t know what he was thinking about then: dad in prison, mom with a disability, and children with whom? I know that he asks the investigator about me. I believe that he repents of anything - on the contrary, I am sure that he did everything right, and even satisfied with himself.
I do not read anything about myself and do not look. Even Malakhov did not look. I do not want every time to re-experience everything. Sometimes I ask mom to run through the eyes of new publications. It may seem that I often give interviews, but I refuse very many. Honestly, already tired of such attention. But I want to show by my example that life goes on. I hope this helps at least one woman. Maybe a single precinct will change.
I was offered a psychologist, but I did not go to him. In the hospital, where I was brought from the forest, they came to me twice. But I do not know how a psychologist can help me. She warned my mom to watch me, suddenly I would go out the window. But I immediately told my mother that I would not do anything like that. For me, this is too easy and uninteresting.
Писали моей маме: "Привет, тётка! Ну что, хайпанула на дочке? Скажи зятю спасибо"
Общалась я только с детским психологом во время процесса по лишению родительских прав. Спрашивала, что сказать детям об отце, о том, где он. Она предложила сказать, что папа маму обижал, поэтому мы не общаемся. Я так и говорю. Как сказать им правду, не знаю - это слишком жёстко, даже если не раскрывать подробности. I do not want them to decide to take revenge on him. But still, children should learn this from me, and not from others. In general, everyone in Serpukhov knows me. Probably have to move. Too much attention.
There are people who react inadequately. They wrote to my mom: “You specifically did this to propiaritsya. We collected money, but in fact nothing happened to you” or “Hello, aunt! Well, did you give a hypo on daughter? Say thanks to your son-in-law.” There were those who believed that I myself was to blame - both girls and men. Once a taxi driver recognized me and asked: "Did it hurt you when your hands were cut? Did you watch, was there a lot of blood?" I did not answer him. What to answer to people who have neither upbringing nor tact?
Fortunately, there are more good people, and I don’t get tired of thanking them. When I was in hospital for the first time, women and men of all ages came to me every day. Batyushka brought flowers and a vase. Grandmothers brought the last five hundred rubles. One woman handed over two hundred thousand. Men brought tickets to the Kremlin Christmas tree for my children. They brought handmade Christmas decorations, cake, crafts. At work, I had six huge packages with things and gifts. One girl gave a tablet, we still communicate. Three Santa Clauses came to our home - from the theater and from the head of the city of Serpukhov. For me, support is very important.
Many organizations to combat domestic violence have offered me to become their "face." But I think that you first need to solve your problems, and then help others. Women often write to me, tell me how they are subjected to violence in the family, ask for advice and support. One woman said that her husband gouged out her eyes, but she does not know how to tell children about it. Another husband hung his legs upside down in the doorway. Scary stories. I answer: "We must leave. Yes, it will be difficult, but there is always a way out." But they do not want to change anything, and it is sad. They hope that the husband will change. Will not change. My domestic violence lawyer says that the situation usually only gets worse. Russian laws do not protect a woman, even when something terrible has happened to her. It is beautiful to speak and promise to correct such men are very well able. Until they kill.
My ex-husband, of course, has no excuse. But I have no hatred for him. Maybe it's weird. I do not want to spend on this power, I need them to restore health. I would like him to understand what he did and live with it. For me, this would be the main punishment to him. But it is unlikely, such as he, do not change.
I absolutely will never forgive him. For me, this man does not exist. I want the law toughened: now the punishment does not match the deed. And I want not to punish him alone, but all the men who resort to domestic violence. There are a lot of such stories. And to sit for this for three years, or even less, or not to sit out at all is wrong.