Cars for girls, dolls for boys: Moms about toys and stereotypes

IN YOUR BOOK ABOUT HOW TO GROW A CHILD WITHOUT GENDER STEREOTYPES, Kristia Spears Brown says that children of any sex need three categories of toys: developing intelligence, body and emotions. The first person will need for everything related to school and work - and puzzles or, for example, designers are sent to his active development. Physical activity is important for the health of the body, so every child, boy or girl must have bicycles and balls. Finally, playing with dolls or soft toys helps to develop empathy, kindness, teaches care.

Small children take their cue from adults who are seen every day — no wonder that often plates, pans or taps with water attract them much more toys. The child studies how the world works, and has no idea that in the minds of many people there are already certain requirements for him, depending on gender and gender. We learned from mothers of boys and girls what stereotypes they encountered when buying toys for their children and what strategies they developed in this regard.

Somehow we with a three-year-old son arrived at the dacha - and there were kept the old dumbbells of my dad, fifteen kilograms each (the son at that time weighed less). And one of our relatives solemnly presented him with these dumbbells, saying a speech: “Download your muscles, you will grow up big and strong, other uncles will fear you and love your aunts”, it looks like he projected his complexes on my child.

I react to such an acute reaction: I immediately tell the child that this is nonsense - and that he can swing or not swing muscles, and his aunts, uncles, girls and boys will love him regardless of his muscles. Donors say that they can ask me for a wishlist or coordinate gifts with children to me in advance.

I am against any programming at all: gender, professional, what else happens there. First of all, because my expectations may not coincide with reality - and this can greatly hurt and frustrate a child. For example, a thin chess player will grow up, suffering from the fact that "one must" be a jock - or, even worse, a jock who would like to be a slender chess player, but is afraid not to conform and therefore lives someone else's life.

My son is three and a half years old, he goes to the kindergarten - and the concept of gender education has been introduced in the kindergarten. For example, holiday gifts are clearly divided; when choosing gifts for the New Year, we stopped at the Lego sets: a two-story house for girls and an excavator for boys. I very much asked my son to buy a house - but I was clearly told that he would get an excavator so as not to confuse anyone. As a result, of course, he does not play it, and I bought him a house myself.

I do not think that all children of the same gender are interested in the same toys, and I consider the distinction between boys and girls impractical - my son, for example, simply does not like cars, military and construction equipment. Besides, I do not think that playing expensive toys is more interesting. We immediately agreed with the relatives, and I am writing an exemplary wishlist for them - but the older generation try not to shock with the dishes or dishes for making ice cream out of the sand, I just buy these toys myself.

My son is five and a half years old, and he has a lot of toys - we do not divide them into pieces for girls and boys, we just buy what he wants. He had a baby doll Valera, and a tableware, and a year and a half he wanted a pram - I saw how happy he was playing with someone else's carriages, and ordered him to own one in the online store. Without thinking, she mentioned it in a conversation with her father-in-law - and he, it seems, almost fainted. The main argument of the relatives is that the child "will not grow into a peasant." My response tactic is simple: I ignore these statements.

Now the son is aware of his gender identity - I think the impact of society plays a role here, and he rejects conditionally the girl's toys. On the other hand, he loves his plush dog very much, and all the rest of his games are very active: a bicycle, badminton, balls. I do not see the point of sharing toys: the child will grow up and decide for himself what interests him. Yes, and in toys "for girls" there is nothing terrible - is it bad if the boy, and then the man, like to cook or nurse children?

My relatives adhere to traditional views on what children should play: cars for boys, dolls for girls. I think that any toys are suitable for children, they have no gender concepts. Moreover, boys need dolls, because they learn elementary plot games for them: put to sleep, take them to the doctor, feed them with dinner. When the son was younger, he rolled the toy carriage with pleasure, and the grandmothers snorted: "Well, how are you like a girl!" My question is "what's wrong?" Relatives usually give vague answers like: "Yes, there’s no need for that, what nonsense," but I know that they are afraid that the boy will grow up homosexual after playing "girlish" toys.

I once read an article about the binding of flowers to gender and I learned that at the beginning of the twentieth century, pink was considered the color of boys, and blue - girls. Then an advertising campaign of pink toys and clothes for girls was carried out in the USA - and it was of such magnitude that it completely changed the perception of people. Unfortunately, toy manufacturers are surprised by their inflexibility: right now my son fell in love with a red motorcycle from the “for girls” set, to which all kinds of tricks and flowers are attached. Buy it - not a problem, I just guess that he wants to play only with a motorcycle, and everything else will roll around without work.

When I was little, I really wanted a typewriter, but I bought very beautiful and unnecessary German dolls. Once in the kindergarten I bartered a typewriter from a friend - it was the happiest evening in my life! But my mother took her away and gave her back to the boy. True, my dream of owning a collection of machines came true: my son will soon be six years old, and he loves typewriters very much, he knows everything about them - how they work, what categories they divide into.

We have a traditional story with a stroller: the son loved to roll them, constantly took them from a girlfriend, and finally I bought him my own. The store was only pink, but it did not bother anyone. Somehow we were walking on the court next to which the entrance to the passport office - from there a man came out and, apparently out of boredom, approached us. The first thing he said was that the boy should not carry the stroller, especially the pink one. By the way, we threw the pram only recently, three years later, when it had completely become unusable. We are fortunate that relatives perceive everything quite adequately - these are just toys.

I am for following the interest of the child. Right now he likes cars and designers - but there were both a pram, and a baby, and a kitchen. He also does his homework with pleasure: he washes the floor with a mop, wipes furniture and his bicycles and scooters with a damp cloth. Children learn about the world, grab something that interests them from the huge flow of information, and want to study it. Do not deny them in these gusts - we do not know what the makings of our children and how they can best develop. I also know for sure, both from theory and from my own psychological practice, that the less you struggle with a child, the more comfortable the whole family will be. And I certainly don’t see any reason to fight him about toys.

I have two children: a three-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son. My daughter plays in the kitchen, in the steam locomotives, in the carriages, "mends" with the dad with screwdrivers - little by little, and the son does not lag behind. When friends with their son come to us, he always gladly rolls the daughter's stroller and babysit with our baby - but when I ask a friend if she should give him a doll, she replies: "That you, dad will kill us."

I do not want to raise sexists - especially the son. It seems to me sensible to immediately convey to children the idea that it is normal for a man to mess with a child and roll a stroller, and for a woman to make a birdhouse. So we raise them, both children participate in any games and activities, without regard to gender. Toys and gifts, I usually choose myself and order - this is accepted by relatives, because we live abroad and so simply more convenient. Sexism manifests itself more likely not in toys - for example, I say that I want to record my daughter in ballet classes, and I hear that "this is very good for a girl."

When his son was about one and a half years old, his grandmother presented him with a tank, which was screaming "fire, fire" and fired. When asked why such a toy, the grandmother answered - he is a boy, he will fight. When the batteries sat down, the child safely forgot about the toy - and my husband and I were glad; her husband did not like that this toy was very loud, and to me that it was a tank and he was shooting. I am generally against weapons.

We are against the gender distribution of toys. Manufacturers in vain make toys of two colors - pink and blue - this makes it difficult to choose and encourages the condemnation of relatives, if you chose the boy a toy "girl" color. Yes, and annoying - you can after all all the same to produce yellow, green, white, in the end.

Children's games are an adult life practice, an imitation of parents. If a child takes care of his toys - he copies his parents, who take care of him. It is a pity that at first dads object to the stroller in boys, and then grow up men who do not want to walk with the child. There is nothing wrong with that girl will turn the nuts with the key, and the boy will manage the toy kitchen.

I was looking for a doll for my son, just a baby doll with arms, legs and just the right amount of fingers to tell him about the person and show the parts of the body. Finding a normal-looking doll is difficult in principle: some are frightening, and others are of the Barbie type, so you had to contact the salespeople. And they, all as one, said that the boy does not need to play dolls. The question "why?" The answer was simple: "He's a boy!" - that is, the boy does not have to understand where the arms and legs are and that you can take care of someone: feed, water and put to sleep. By the way, I am afraid of dolls, and in my childhood both designers and cars bought me, not considering them toys not for girls.

For holidays, Tim is presented with ships, constructors, and pistols - “he's a boy,” but in principle no one in my circle is against dolls or wheelchairs. But on the playground I hear other opinions - people are afraid that "not those" toys will cause some changes in behavior and, for example, the boy will become gay if he plays with dolls. Worse with clothes: a child in pink is a girl. Pink boy can not wear - also, obviously, will be gay.

The story of buying a toy stroller took more than a month. The range and attitude of sellers in different children's stores were absolutely identical - pink flowered carriages and questions about why a boy needs a wheelchair, who we want to grow and whether it is better to buy him a car. In the end, I ordered a stroller in the online store, so as not to answer questions about the age and height of the girl — they asked when I came without a child. This attitude did not offend me, but it irritated me - and, fortunately, my husband agreed with me on the choice of toys.

The son loves to play with the dolls and animal figures, he has a kitchen and a set of pots and dishes, there is a railway and cars of all kinds. At his age, I mostly played with designers, cars and wind-up toys, did not show any interest in dolls. Therefore, I believe that toys should be divided according to the interests of the child and his inclinations, by age - but not by sex. Playing with the baby doll teaches care and self-care, the ability to cook will be useful to everyone regardless of gender, and the girl may be interested in the technique - and this does not diminish her. I was very lucky with my mom and husband: they share my views and there is no gender discrimination in our house.

When the son was nine months old, he actively tried to walk with support. Somehow, on a walk, he saw a toy carriage and got very carried away - and I bought him the same that evening. The kid was happy, he was driving his favorite toys around the house, and when Dad came home, he did not release any comments - he would not have thought of it. All our relatives live far away, and every few days I send photos or videos of my son to my numerous relatives. I was very surprised when mom, dad and brother started writing to me in reply: “What is this, girlish stroller, is it normal in Moscow, is it considered? Remove the stroller, he's a boy!” In my argument: "And you, dad, what, did not roll us in a carriage?" - there was no intelligible answer.

There were other episodes - somehow I showed my son how to water the flowers from the watering can, and he really liked this process, he began to water the flowers every morning. Again, without a second thought, I sent the video to relatives - and I received a comment that Mark only lacked an apron and that she would be a housewife. The same thing about the baby doll, which the child "fed" with plastic vegetables - the mother said: "Don't you need dolls for your son, who do you grow up?" In general, I hear phrases from my grandfather or uncle about once a month, the meaning of which comes down to one: "Grow up - bring, we will do a man." It is given a joke, but the desire to carry a son to relatives is zero.

To forbid a child to play this or that toy is to limit his desire to learn the world. A child on toys works out adult behavior patterns, loses social plots. I do not want my son to understand the message “to roll the carriage is bad” or “to do housekeeping is bad.” By the way, a set of children's dishes caused my son to be delighted - I took it out when I cooked myself to distract the kid, pronouncing why each item was needed. So, the reaction of relatives to the dishes was also negative.

I was lucky that my parents and I live in different territories, so it’s easier to avoid conflicts - but if I lived nearby, I would have to keep a tight defense and insist on it. I have so far sounded to the relatives the following rules on toys: no military subjects and no inadequately noisy or luminous toys that cause over-excitement.

I myself grew up with my two older brothers and I remember my offense and incomprehension very well: I so wanted to play with them, shoot a slingshot, play a set-top box, but I was always pulled off and pointed to sex. I couldn’t climb trees and basements and even had to parade to play Barbie with my dad, who donated it - so as not to upset. Over time, "you're a girl - my mother's assistant" was transformed into a duty to feed, wash, cook, help the mother in every way in everyday life, to serve her father and brothers from elementary school. It seems that the girl gave birth to a girl solely to help - and I decided that if I had a daughter, I would behave differently. I would never instill in her the idea that she is obliged to do something just because she managed to be born a girl. And I will allow my son to be as open in the expression of emotions as possible. He is a very tender and tender boy, the first thing every morning is feeding his lamb with a bottle from which he ate at night - let it be so.

Photo: Stylepit, Gordana Sermek - stock.adobe.com, logos2012 - stock.adobe.com, belizar - stock.adobe.com, Spiele Max, Ikea

Watch the video: Mom argues with child over gender appropriate toys. What Would You Do (November 2024).