My armor: How I loved the color pink
AFTER EXPERIMENT #WASHYOURROUTINE with the participation of bright make-up in everyday life, I wanted to continue exploring my “routine” - those very “unimportant” trivia that have reached automatism, but at the same time have a serious effect on my sense of self. My new relationship with the person demanded a creative approach, and I eagerly looked for new colors - until I caught myself thinking that I didn’t see pink at close range. A week later I went with pink eyebrows, but the feeling of taboo remained - then I decided to throw away the pink flag and for some time become a defender of the “girlish” color.
So in my "washing routine" there was a new chapter called #grownuppinkroutine on how to wear pink like an adult - that is, without complexes and fears. I decided to understand - is it in my personal conscious choice or in the role that I unknowingly play day after day? And if it's the last thing, regain pink as another one of the pleasures that were taken from us. After all, it became embarrassing to wear him only after he became "female".
Timid beginning
Despite the fact that I always dressed brightly, in my wardrobe there was not a single pink thing. In the apartment I found perhaps the products of obvious gender marketing - pads, cleaning products and detergents. First of all, it became interesting for me to update my preferences, to understand how I would feel in this color and how it would relate to the reaction of others. And, of course, to investigate the "pink question" from the point of view of the consumer: can I buy something for myself not in the children's department? For the purity of the experiment, I decided to do in general all purchases in pink.
I did not know whether I like pink or not. It is a Kafkian plot, in which you cannot separate your consciousness from the public. I started cautiously: I did not want to “discredit” myself, so I chose the “right” shades: dusty pink, peach pink, lavender or lilac. I kept a record on my instagram page and often heard from other girls that they have nothing against pink as long as it is of a “beautiful” shade.
So I decided that I would not divide it into variations and start wearing it up and down. As a result, not only the shelves with clothes but also furniture turned pink — I managed to bring a pink-burgundy sofa home. In addition to dresses, sweatshirts and T-shirts, I acquired a pink coat, a backpack, a tabletop, a flower pot. I managed to dye my hair pink. The glasses for myopia were tinted to me in pale pink - by the way, this radically changed the associations with vision problems, because the glasses began to look too festive for a medical accessory. As a result, in the eyes of others, they added to me ambiguity, especially in combination with platinum hair.
Shopping experience
Gender marketing has really earned on the separation of pink and blue since the war. But if it used to go on the same rails for decades, then quite recently the situation began to change. Previously, I managed to find something interesting in this color only in queer brands, on vintage ruins, in body-positive Monki and in Acne, whose bags are decorated with branded pink, but now it is everywhere. In what shop come, you will surely find a thing of an interesting cut, and shades are estimated in tens.
Everything happens for a reason, fashion becomes more conscious - and now for the first time in the entire history of the fashion house a woman becomes the creative director of Dior. Maria Grazia Kyyiri not only showed T-shirts with the words We Should Be All Feminists, but also influenced the industry as a whole - not only women's collections but also men's collections were rosy. In pink, they did literally everything: I could not believe that in 2017 the shelves turned out to be the most different models of pink jeans, in search of which I had already lost my legs. This is a great example of how times change, and attitudes towards things too. This added to me the confidence that such turns in the visual language are not accidental.
Here they usually begin to talk about "marketing moves" and that this is a passing trend, on which they earn money. Nevertheless, the culture of consumption will not go anywhere, but it can change; now she satisfies the most varied requests: to someone - a Barbie outfit, to someone - a Girl Power T-shirt.
Pink weekdays
Having rehabilitated myself pink, I realized how much he missed him in the wardrobe. It is incredibly nekaprizen - it can be worn even with red, not to mention the emerald and mustard. Pink cool dilutes the grunge and adds ease to the office suit. With things of metallic shades and textures, this color looks futuristic. In general, pink is a holiday that is always with you.
Separate love - office. I constantly need to write, work with text, and at the same time I study and teach at school. That is a lot of time I spend at my desk, which at the same time is for me a real field of fears and complexes. Tolerant and understanding pink helped out here too: my workplace now resembles an altar of self-love.
And, finally, pink Monki panties with a life-affirming slogan about menstruation. The coolest and most comfortable - I did not understand at all how I had experienced these days without them. When two weights were suspended on the lower abdomen and parallel to the uterus in the ram's horn, a piece of pink cotton works as a plantain. You are powerless against physiology, but you have special underpants - a small step toward respecting the features of your body, acquiring the skill of caring for it instead of ignoring pain. I never wear them on the other days of the cycle - so now I have them, consider, holidays.
In English, pink is often referred to as "comforting, loving color". This was confirmed in my experience: in the days when I felt vulnerable, I just added more pink - and returned to my comfort zone. It’s like walking through the streets in pajamas and having a cup of hot tea. Warm, soft tones are very comfortable, and if you choose rich colors, the mood quickly changes towards the party. Most importantly, they began to give me very often things of a pink color - I got used to it very well.
Aegeism, internal misogyny and pink
All my life I struggle with the fact that I am not taken seriously, I constantly have to prove that I am quite experienced. Understandably: in collisions with ageism, pink would only make my life more difficult. I have been living independently of my parents since the age of seventeen, the last ten have worked to be professional, I have a separate budget with my husband, I try to develop - based on all of this, of course, I want to be treated accordingly.
Is it possible to wear pink not like a scarlet letter without turning your life into resistance and struggle? I tried to be honest with myself and do everything possible with my part. After all, since he still has never been in my wardrobe, maybe I also have something to work on? It turned out that yes. The pink color revealed my residual internal misogine, a hidden dislike of everything too “girlish,” which I didn’t even realize. I grew up with the idea not just that pink is not cool, but that it’s not cool to be a woman. As a child, my mother never dressed me in pink clothes, explaining that they were “for fools”.
I was the façade of my mother's worldview, while it was important for the child to understand their own identity. Of course, at school I talked mostly with boys, I really had no friends. At university and in work, the situation has not changed, but rather has smoothed out. It was as if I was a woman, but I was very afraid to openly admit it. As if there is something shameful about it.
Reaction of others
Pink is a color with a contradictory history, it was exploited for different purposes and in very different contexts. In the 19th century, men wore it, because it looked like a muted shade of red, which was considered a masculine color at that time, pink triangles were used as a stigma for homosexuals in fascist Germany's concentration camps; Before the war, the girls did not wear pink - they were dressed in blue, the color of the clothes of the Virgin Mary, a symbol of purity and innocence.
Immediately, I would like to say that I do not agree with the ideas of the second wave of feminism, which advocates gender neutrality and that women need to stop feeding stereotypes, dressing in pink and using cosmetics. I do not think that my whole life is a hoax and I am a victim of my upbringing. It seems to me fair to change the situation in which for some reason it turned out that things that women like are denied dignity and significance. I do not think that I should be ashamed of any of my desires. I do not want to think about someone else, opening in the morning the door of his own closet.
To be honest, after diving into all the adventures with pink, the reaction of women upset me the most. I once wrote a column that makeup does not contradict independence, and we can enjoy it without looking at anyone else - and this caused a wave of disagreement. I heard the same arguments in favor of combating pink. While I would like to believe that both of these things can contribute to sisterhood and a sense of unity. In society, this color is still perceived as a social marker, which makes it easier to navigate the world around, read people fluently and diagonally - but this can and should be changed.
In pink I was always perceived younger than I am. Help, too, were called more often. In Russia, grandmothers were touched, they said that I was such a "girl-girl". Men went to flirt, calling a dolly and dismissing patronizing comments. It seems that only anime lovers just saw only Kawai in me. In general, the attitude was not negative, but they didn’t particularly see me behind the color - they immediately passed judgment. At the same time, the line between "innocent pink" and "defiant pink" turned out to be very thin - you choose a more saturated color, and now you are "asking for it yourself."
In England, on the contrary, they were treated with caution, which was a surprise to me. Since local culture actively advocates gender neutrality, many simply send pink to ban to remove any associations with this or that gender from sight. At the same time, he is welcomed by the third-wave feminists, offering to love the whole “female”, regardless of the patriarchal system, and recalling that after the Second World War, pink has become a special and very personal color for women. One way or another, I was always cautiously asked why I like pink so much in order to understand which front I am fighting.
Once my friend said: "Oh, you are still in pink. That is, pink is not only on Wednesdays." We immediately started a dispute about stereotypes and imposed models of female behavior. As a result, the loop always closes: choosing whether to wear pink or not for ideological reasons, you feed the stereotype anyway. By the way, they react to men in pink more positively: through this color, they can establish themselves as free-thinking individuals. For example, office workers in America are advised to wear pink shirts to stand out, citing the statistics that the annual income of men in pink shirts is higher.
Color as a symbol
Pink has become for me more than just a color - it has become my symbol. Making a choice in favor of our desires in the details, we become bolder and in fundamental things. If I am a soldier of my life, then this is my pink uniform, protective armor - a statement that I am rather ready for maximalism than compromise. I would rather be attentive to all sides of my own self, than to shyly avoid external pressure.
American racer Donna Mae Mims lived in the 60s, when pink was the color of housewives (pink dress, pink kitchen set and pink Camay soap), who did not receive a drop of respect for their titanic work. Donna had a pink helmet, a pink racing car and a pink suit. She was called Pink Lady, and she seems to have overtaken not only her rivals, becoming the first female winner of the US National Championship, but also with a whistle ahead of the public consciousness. With stereotypes about pink it is best to fight, armed with pink itself. It was not by chance that at one time the walls of prisons were painted in this color - when prisoners looked at pink for a long time, they became less aggressive and showed more tolerant behavior. It would not hurt our scattered society to take a close look at pink outfits.
