Journalist Kristina Safonova about relationships with the body and favorite cosmetics
For category "Cosmetic Bag" we study the contents of beauty cases, dressing tables and cosmetic bags of interesting characters to us - and we show all this to you.
About cosmetics
In childhood and adolescence, I liked everything bright: mother's red lipstick, pink glitters, purple shadows and dark eyeliner - the more, the better. At fourteen this interest has passed. I do not know why, but I began to experience discomfort when I had makeup on my face.
Now I almost do not dye. In the cold season I can apply a tonal remedy (it seems to me that with it the skin is not so badly injured due to wind and cold) and mascara. In the summer - I do not paint at all, except that I add a little color on my eyebrows to hide a small scar. When there is a mood or a reason, I can sprinkle glitter from head to toe. But this is more for fun than to emphasize something in appearance.
My care is also very simple: washbasin and moisturizer. At will I add to them a cream for the skin around the eyes. Once or twice a week I do face masks - sometimes because I want extra cleansing or moisturizing, but more often simply because I enjoy it. Once a week I use a body scrub. And after a shower and bath, always apply a moisturizer or coconut oil. In general, it is difficult for me to buy cosmetics, so all my jars are findings on the advice of girlfriends or gifts from loved ones.
About well-being
I love what I do. But my work is stressful, and I am very impressionable. As a result, I know firsthand what a nervous tic is, seizures and other unpleasant stress responses of the body. To feel more or less good, I try to follow simple rules. Sleep at least seven hours. Start and end the day with a warm bath. Every day, please yourself with something (it can be anything from a chocolate bar and a nice movie to a walk with a husband or ping-pong with friends). I go jogging or to the gym twice a week, nothing unusual: ten minutes of a treadmill, warm-up and forty minutes of strength exercises. In especially stressful moments doing yoga or going for a Thai massage. And if there is an opportunity - take a vacation and travel.
About eating disorder
At seventeen, I moved away from my parents and began to rent an apartment with a friend. I didn’t cook, and there was no desire to do it then, so I ate what I had: a McDonald's pie, chocolates, hot dogs, grilled chicken and burgers. As a result, I quickly recovered six pounds. I have never had problems with the perception of my appearance, I did not sit on diets and did not torment myself with workouts. Therefore, a few extra pounds did not scare me. I felt comfortable - and this is important.
Everything changed when I heard from a loved one surprised: "You are so stouter!" I immediately felt unattractive, even disgusting. The following month I did daily exercises, ate by the clock and only the "right" foods: nothing sweet, fatty, fried. Combining a diet with a session at the university was hard, I was constantly feeling hungry. Weight at the same time went very slowly. Soon I had a breakdown - I remember how I came to the cafe and ordered several dishes at once, which I never did.
I no longer saw the point in continuing the diet. I decided that I would not eat much more effectively, I sat on apples, kefir, tea or water. Then I started running, although I didn’t like to do it at all. After three months, I ran every day for ten to fifteen kilometers, but the figure on the scales still seemed to me “too big” - I began to weigh myself every day. Combining hunger and sport was not easy, to put it mildly. Out of pity, I allowed myself to eat candy or cookies, but all was not limited to one dessert. Soon I began to eat before the acute pain in my stomach, when it was impossible to straighten. Over time, a chocolate bar, a croissant, a plate of borsch, a toast with nutella, some hot, a cake, a few candies and waffles got into me. In one of the failures - I do not remember how it happened - I caused vomiting.
The next three years have passed like a fog. On weekdays I was starving, and on weekends I ate myself sweet, then caused vomiting. I constantly thought about food and hated myself for it. It seemed to me that if I could not control my desires in such a simple matter, then I would be nothing. Every year this feeling intensified - especially when I recovered as a result of thirteen kilograms. I did not understand that I was sick, and I was ashamed of myself, and therefore I hid what was happening from everyone. I started having health problems, but I still could not stop. I was scared, and it seemed that it would never end.
About recovery
After another bilimia attack, I complained to my mother about how I felt. What exactly happens to me, I did not clarify, so my mother took me to an endocrinologist. Analyzes showed that there is too much sugar in my blood, and I was prescribed a protein diet. Having received official permission to eat at least something, I was able to adjust the food a little and even lose five kilograms. Attacks of bulimia have become less common, but psychological difficulties have not disappeared. I still hated my body, rarely took pictures and avoided meetings with old acquaintances who remembered me as thin.
I know a lot of girls who could not cope with the disease, because they were left alone with her. I was lucky: a loving person appeared in my life, who, not knowing what was happening, gave me great support and help. It took more than a year to "recover" (as far as I know, with RPP, only remission is possible). Gradually, I returned to a normal diet - I cannot say that I completely got rid of obsessive thoughts about food and my body: I eat everything I want, but I always control the amount. I started to play sports, not because I "need", but because I like it. She stopped weighing herself every day and hating her reflection in the mirror.
