How do I fight breast cancer

October is the month to fight breast cancer. We have already told what to know about this disease and what methods of diagnosis and prevention are the most effective. Now we have decided to turn to personal experience and talked with Irina Tanayeva, who was diagnosed with breast cancer two and a half years ago. Irina talked about how the disease has changed her life, about the struggle and what helps her maintain an optimistic attitude. The editors thank the project "Twist against breast cancer" for their help in preparing the material.

In October 2013, I suddenly felt a rather large seal in my chest, which appeared as if instantly. It did not bother me, did not hurt, but I still went to the doctor. In the paid clinic where I was observed, the breast oncologist examined me - there was no reason not to trust her. I received an ultrasound and the doctor said that it was fibroadenoma. I asked to have a puncture, but the doctor refused: that there is nothing terrible and I can sleep well until the next visit. I have always trusted specialists, it never occurred to me to go somewhere else, to doubt, to double-check. Looking back now, I understand that I have been very negligent in my health and in myself. I did not think about the bad: if the doctor said so, then everything is fine.

The next inspection I had to come in three months. I continued to live as before, absolutely not doubting that I was healthy. My family and I went to the sea - it was a long-awaited vacation in a wonderful place. It was there that I felt pain in the chest area - sharp, shooting through - it really alerted me and scared me. From that moment on, these sensations became regular. When I returned to Moscow, I again went to the doctor, but now to a specialized mammology center.

Two and a half years have passed, and I still cannot bear to remember. February 16, 2014 will forever remain in my memory the day that changed everything in my life. Then I was only 31 years old, they invited not only me, but also my husband to the doctor’s office - I still didn’t understand why. “Your cancer is very likely,” said the doctor. I heard no more, only the words “Cancer is death, I die” sounded in my head. I cried very much, did not understand anything, thought how could I leave my six-year-old son. These were the hardest minutes, there are no words to describe them: shock, despair, horror, fear - all this at once, in an instant, fell upon me, and I didn’t know what to do about it then.

Everything was difficult - but if physical pain could be endured, then one had to work seriously with his psychological state

We left the hospital and caught a taxi, drove almost silently - I cried, and my husband pulled me to him. My son and my mother were waiting for us at home. I didn’t know what to tell her, so I went home and calmly, without tears, announced that I had cancer. In response, I heard the sure: "cure." Mom survived, restrained herself and never cried at me. I know how much she is going through, but never talking to me about the disease never leads. I don’t know how the dad reacted - they protected me from all this, they didn’t feel sorry for me, didn’t regret it, we all continued to live as before. At least, they tried to live like this, but the disease made many changes to our plans.

We began to look for good doctors. We did not immediately find those whom we finally trusted, but I am happy that this happened. The first to whom I got an appointment was oncologist Evgeny Alekseevich Troshenkov, who works at the P. Herzen Moscow Oncological Research Institute. After a couple of minutes of communication, I realized that this was my doctor. Evgeny Alekseevich told everything in great detail, showed, examined, and most importantly - he reassured me, instilled hope and confidence in a good result of treatment. Leaving the office, he said: "We will cure, we will definitely cure!" For the next year and a half, I repeated these words like "Our Father." My husband and I left him with smiles on our faces, both said in one voice: "This is him." I didn’t think about anything else: my doctor decided everything for me, he gave clear instructions on what tests to take, what to do and where. I was no longer scared, I no longer doubted my victory. I had patience and went into battle.

My diagnosis is breast cancer T4N0M0: I had a tumor of quite impressive size, but my lymph nodes were not affected, and metastases were not found either. Cancer type - HER2 (+++), stage 3B. I underwent chemotherapy at the NN Blokhin Russian Cancer Research Center; I came to CI - clinical studies, which checked the effectiveness of a new drug compared to other existing on the market. The treatment went according to the plan outlined by my chemotherapist. I underwent eight courses of chemotherapy: every 21 days I was injected through a dropper with drugs that act on tumor cells. After all the courses, the tumor significantly decreased.

Then radical skin-protecting mastectomy followed with simultaneous reconstruction with a tissue expander (temporary silicone implant, the volume of which may increase due to filling it with a special solution; later it is replaced with a lifelong implant) —the left breast and 13 lymph nodes were removed. Then there was radiation therapy (exposure to tumor cells with ionizing radiation), and six months after mastectomy I was given a breast repair plastics. A year after chemotherapy, I received a targeted drug that blocks the growth and spread of malignant cells, and is also used as a preventive measure to prevent relapse.

Everything was difficult - but if physical pain could be endured, then one had to work seriously with his psychological state. I persuaded myself, sometimes I felt sorry, I cried - I did everything so that my depressed state would not pass on to others. My illness practically did not affect my loved ones. I continued to live, as before, intensively engaged with the child, preparing him for school. She always smiled, she was always positive, and sometimes she herself comforted her relatives, because they, too, were hard times. The pain from the treatment is impossible to convey in words - it was very scary, very hard, sometimes it seemed to me that I was at the limit of my abilities. I do not know what was harder, - chemotherapy or radiation therapy: I endured both of them extremely badly.

It was easiest for me to have two surgeries - against the background of chemotherapy and radiation therapy, the pain from them seemed to me to be bitten by a mosquito. I really asked to remove both breasts - I wanted to get rid of them, so that there was not a trace of cancer. I am very grateful to my surgeon: he did not want to hear anything about the complete removal, said that I was young and that I still had to live on. Evgeny Alekseevich promised that he would do everything right, and asked me not to worry about anything - I did not ask any more questions. Now I have a wonderful chest, very beautiful, I really like it - all the more so as a bonus to everything was breast augmentation, which I myself asked the doctor for. My perception of myself has changed a lot: I stopped seeing only shortcomings in myself, I learned to perceive myself adequately, not to be offended at myself, not to wait, but to do everything now - after all, tomorrow will be a new day and new desires will come. I fell in love with myself - maybe not to the end, but I loved my body, my new chest, scars. I like everything in myself right now, despite gaining weight, a painful look, lack of hair. I love myself, period.

Now I give myself exactly five minutes to cry and feel sorry for myself - there is no longer any time or desire

During treatment in 2014, I really didn’t have enough communication with people like me. My family could not fully understand the depth of my experiences, I basically did not read the Internet and seemed to be in an information vacuum. Once, in a severe depression, I put my bald head photo on social networks and wrote: "Sometimes cancer changes us beyond recognition." For eight long months I hid my illness from everyone, many did not even know where I had disappeared so suddenly. Of course, others were shocked, many people preferred to stop me writing and communicating, but this is their right and their choice.

After that, on my instagram page, I started keeping the oncodynamics: I told what was happening to me, how the treatment was going on. Gradually, I began to find girls and young people with oncology like me. We supported each other, gave advice, learned something new about the treatment. I have always been a very kind person, I have always wanted to help, but here I suddenly found use for my big kind heart. I really sincerely empathize with everyone who has faced oncology, treat them with great respect and love. For me they are all heroes, fighters, winners.

It all started small. At first, I came up with the hashtag # bezmymybanda, thanks to which people with oncology began to communicate and get acquainted. Then she began to arrange small meetings. In October 2015, every day on my instagram page I published stories of women with breast cancer. Thanks to this my venture, many people understood that they are not alone - we are many, and that even with such a diagnosis one can fully live and enjoy every day. I called my action # project_Horoshishlyudi. Anya Yakunina as well as other girls sent me her story - then I was struck by her courage and vitality. Already, together we began to organize small events, workshops and just gatherings in the cafe. These were warm, sincere meetings, after which I really wanted to live. Many, after talking with us, have ceased to be ashamed of their illness, their appearance, began to speak openly about themselves, boldly go bald, not afraid of oblique views. Many, looking at us, began to realize that cancer is not the end of life, but only its stage, which can be passed.

Once we met Anya in a cafe and talked for four hours - we were just bursting with the desire to help people with oncology. We decided to organize a small club of support for cancer patients, where we will not talk about the disease, and anyone, on the contrary, for a moment, will be able to get away from all of their problems. I didn’t even have a question with the title: we decided to become a "Good People" communication club. Anya and me are united by oncology, and now we have become real friends. Our club is special - this is a friendly family, where you are always waited, you are always welcome, where you will always be understood without words: no need to explain anything, we ourselves have gone through all this.

We want to show by example that oncology is not a sentence, that during treatment you can and should lead a normal life, work, possibly play sports, walk, have fun and make plans for the future. Our goal is to change attitudes towards the disease. Throughout the year, we participate in various projects and organize events ourselves. We invite specialists and experts to our meetings who hold charity workshops on make-up, facial care, health-improving gymnastics, dance, painting, floristics, handicraft. Sometimes we arrange ordinary gatherings in cafes or picnics, we leave for cities near Moscow, we organize excursions to historical places.

With the support of our friend, stylist Peter Levenpol, our club made a photo project "You are special." It was attended by 30 women who were diagnosed with cancer. 30 examples of courage - different people, faced with despair, fear, depression, but did not give up and found the strength to defeat the disease! There are among them those who have not finished the struggle, but are close to recovery. We believe that by common efforts we will be able to support women with a difficult diagnosis and attract the attention of others, because prevention and early diagnosis is the key to successful treatment and full recovery.

In August 2015, I completed the treatment. It was such a happiness, such euphoria! I wanted to run through the streets, hug passers-by and tell everyone that I could, I won. I began to enjoy every second without cancer, rejoiced at the sun, rain, wind, smiles, every morning I woke up in a good mood. I absolutely enjoyed everything, every little thing caused a storm of emotions in me. It turns out that we live and a lot of things just do not notice, do not appreciate. But life itself is amazing and beautiful.

Too much honor for this cancer, talk, pity, tears - it's not for me

My amazing remission lasted seven months. Ironically, on February 16, 2016, exactly two years after the diagnosis, I was diagnosed with liver metastases. It was a big blow, very unexpected. It seems that you know everything, it has already passed through everything, but it’s hard to lay it all in your head. I gave myself three days: I cried, roared, hysteria, buried myself. Three days later, she pulled herself together and went to war. And again, chemotherapy, unbearable, much harder than the previous one - six courses. I persevered, endured everything and continued to live. Metastases are gone after the third course. There is no cancer in me, although, of course, all this is conditional and he can return at any second. But I believe and even know that this will not happen. Every 21 days I need to drip targeted drugs until the effect is there - it can last two or three years, and maybe more.

The fight against metastases was much easier for me emotionally and psychologically. Of course, I have breakdowns, I sometimes get terribly tired of this cancer life with constant war for the drug, these endless examinations, tests, control. Sometimes it seems to me that I live in the oncologic dispensary, but I don’t allow myself to become limp, I always keep myself in good shape, I control my treatment and keep a close eye on my health. Yes, in our country there are a lot of problems with the treatment of oncology - to describe them in a nutshell is simply impossible, this is a topic for another discussion. Yes, and I do not want to complain, because to affect it is difficult. Thank you, though with great difficulty, but we are treated.

Despite everything, I manage to maintain an optimistic attitude. How? It's simple: I'm not obsessing about my illness. Cancer is just my parallel life, nothing more. I love my bald head, and although I am really looking forward to hair regrowing, now everything suits me. Of course, it is better not to know what cancer is, but what happened, happened. This is a very unpredictable disease, and you cannot joke with it, but you should not give in to it either. In order to fight and win, you need a strong spirit. Now I give myself exactly five minutes to cry and feel sorry for myself - there is no longer any time or desire. The disease is trying to infiltrate my life, but she will not be able to break me: as much as I need, I will fight so much! Metastases have made me clearly understand: live here and now, do not look into the distance, enjoy every second, breathe deeply. Tomorrow is tomorrow. We are not insured against anything. Too much honor for this cancer, talk, pity, tears - it's not for me.

Over the next week you can support the global fight against breast cancer.

All that is required for this is to commit one bright act: temporarily change the hair color to pink, that is, the international color of the fight against breast cancer.

From October 20 to October 27, any Wonderzine reader or reader will be able to sign up for a free temporary painting in one of the promotion partner shops, calling the code word #pinkwondercheck. Depending on the salon, your hair will be painted with a special crayon, spray or unstable paint, which will wash off in a couple of weeks.

Having posted your new image on Instagram with the hashtags #pinkwondercheck and #breastcancer, you will help to draw attention to this problem and emphasize the need for prevention and timely examinations. After all, making the problem visible and discussed is already an important step towards its solution.