Why do men stop having sex
Text: Alexandra Sheveleva
I have two news: good and bad. First, a good one - thirty-year-old men began to take sex seriously and responsibly. The bad - they now treat him so responsibly and seriously that they prefer not to engage.
Let's not be cunning. A 30-year-old Russian man is not an Italian slob who goes to discos for up to 40 years and lives with his mother, and not an Australian bon vivant whose circle of life concerns is limited only by anxiety that on Bondi Beach on Thursday there would be a proper wind for surfing. A 30-year-old Russian man (if he is free) is most often a person who has survived a rather long relationship (marriage), most likely managed to become a father (or even more than once), divorced and departed for several years, licking wounds from a psychoanalyst and a priest or spiritual guide in Varanasi.
I was told by a friend who works at an advertising agency about a focus group that they conducted for a famous brand of men's razors in Moscow. They gathered young people of 28-35 years old and showed them a commercial in which a man of their age flirts with a colleague at work. The men didn’t like the movie: “Doesn’t his wife wait at home? What kind of flirting?” In general, no joy, because these people know firsthand how sighs and fishnet stockings with garters end: family, children, mortgage, and then property division, custody proceedings and grandfather Freud. There is no illusion that sex can be fun, easy and carefree, as in 20 years, men in 30 already do not.
I really want to believe that somewhere there, far away, shepherds and shepherds frolic freely in the pastorals of central Russia, but in Moscow, among reflective men, sex has long become a difficult and responsible matter, for which it is better not even to take it. When I talk with my friends, I hear the same thing: “I haven’t had a woman for half a year,” “I find it easier for myself,” “Of course, I have a friend who will come at any time, but I’m not calling her.” With one other friend, we even came up with a new brand of condoms "Seasons of the Year" (four in a pack), which in Moscow are doomed to success. He had his own sophisticated philosophy: "I do not have sex with one person twice. Second sex is already a relationship, and I don’t need a relationship. Loneliness doesn’t scare me." (I hope you're happy).
I almost cried from the insult for the feminine gender when I learned that my former young man, to whom nature was exceptionally generous (oh yeah!), Has been living an anchorite for almost a year. I demanded an explanation. He said this: "I am one of the steamed children, Sasha, I thought up a lot of" not allowed "and even more" not worth it ", and I really want to live my own way, it is closed." He said that he was not engaged in sex, because he was afraid: "Sex is a relationship, a relationship is a responsibility for which I am not ready. Sex is a responsibility, it is easier for me without it." Another friend of mine, who recently divorced, admitted that he stopped meeting women at the bar: “I just don’t understand what to do next. We slept, okay. At the same time, I constantly thought - she finished, she didn’t finish. And then hell begins: I think - do I need to call her or not? Is she waiting for me to call her or not for her? Suddenly I will hurt her if I don’t call or I’m not hurt her? And such an avalanche of guilt and alarm that I can't handle ". I was told that scumbags and scoundrels with sex are still hearty. There is no good, responsible people who are used to thinking and being aware of much. Reflection and sex, in general, are stored in communicating vessels: it is noticed that the more reflection a man has, the less sex. Therefore, the good old culture of one-night stand, really, has sunk into oblivion. At our age, parties more and more disperse home to let go of a nanny or watch a favorite TV series, and few people have enough strength to go on a sex tour to Chertanovo Central.
To seduce a peer, you have to be a nanny, and a psychotherapist: to convince him that he will have nothing for it
I talked to a very experienced sexologist Boris Beher, and he said that terrible figures sound at the All-Russian congresses of sexologists: 30% of young people in Russia have no interest in sex. He explains this by the fact that Russian men are negligent about their health: they drink beer a lot too early, they have little testosterone, and early problems with potency. "If twenty years ago, men over 50 came to me with a disorder of sexual function, now those who are under 30 are coming," says Becher. The cruel irony is that women closer to 30 are just beginning to understand why sex is needed, actually. My friends and I blink knowingly: "You, too, yes?" Multi-orgasms, squirt, incredible adventures of his own body are just beginning to cover us, when men, on the contrary, seem to be ready to fold the shop. Maybe this is news for someone, but women at thirty treat sex much easier than at 20. And certainly without so many reflections. But to seduce a peer, you have to be a nanny and a psychotherapist: to convince him that it is safe, you do not expect anything from him and do not demand (it’s just sex, come on, man, it will be fun!), He willn’t have anything for it, he is not guilty, you want it yourself, you do not necessarily plan a relationship, you like your apartment and you are not going to move to it, you are not going to replace his son with his mother, you just want to kiss him and give him a massage with shea butter. True. Believe it. In women, it happens.