Jung, tattoos and IVF: How women are affected by a midlife crisis
New Porsche, a girl twenty years younger, haircut "not for years" - we all know the cinematic signs of a midlife crisis in men. And let not women come up with the same heap of stereotypes, they still face age-related problems - moreover, the question is especially acute for them. We understand why women overcome the barrier more successfully than men, and how menopause affects it.
Past and depreciation
The term "midlife crisis" was invented by psychoanalyst Jacques Elliott in 1965, although earlier the leaders were talking about the concept in some way or other like Freud and Jung. According to psychologist Olga Prokhorova, a mid-life crisis can be considered as payment for the longevity of a modern person: "In our youth we are stocked with values and ideas about life (often imposed), but over time it becomes clear that not all of them correspond to our desires." Periodic crises are normal - even a child has a “crisis of two years of age,” when he really wants to, but so far he cannot physically explain his needs to those around him.
The crisis of the middle age is associated with the past. With his offensive, it seems as if the entire path made was meaningless, and work, partner, home and friends no longer bring any pleasure. A person may feel keenly that he is not engaged in his business or will never achieve career success. Around this time, elderly relatives may die, so that a person inevitably thinks about death. So, others tend to change their occupation, leave the family or drastically change their way of life - because time seems to be less and less.
Inequality and Competition
It is considered that the crisis is overtaking in the first place by men - to recall at least the main character of “American Beauty”, who quits a stable job in an advertising agency and goes to sell burgers in a diner. Men, as the stereotype says, suffer from unfulfilled career ambitions, doubt the choice of partner, regret the lost sexual experiences and, of course, yearn for the outgoing youth.
However, the same experiences are peculiar to women: the fear of choosing the wrong profession, fatigue from work duties and existential emptiness are universal. At the same time, due to gender inequality and biological peculiarities, they can survive them much more acutely. In Russia alone, women earn 30% less than men, and the number of women directors in the world and in our homeland is still rather modest - from 4 to 9%. Moreover, women from 35 to 45 years old earn more than female workers aged 45 to 55 years. The average age of company directors is steadily falling. Understandably, amid such a picture, career disappointments are becoming even worse.
The problem rises, for example, in the series "Apple Yard", where the main character - a successful scientist, mother and wife - begins an affair with a man who threatens to destroy her measured respectable life.
All this is reflected in the emotional state of women on the eve of the middle age crisis. The situation not only breaks ambitions, but also scares financial instability, especially those who raise or support grown-up children on their own. On average, working women spend more than an hour looking after a child every day of work, while men spend only 26 minutes. In addition, women often have to maintain elderly relatives: the average age of a person who is forced to care for a sick parent is 49 years. No wonder that many are worried about their future.
But how do women feel who have not tried to build a career? “Many people devote the first half of their lives to the family. They do everything for their loved ones, and nothing for themselves. They can be manipulated for a long time,” says psychologist Olga Chizh. They approach the midlife crisis emaciated, wanting to change something. “It’s not just to buy a new dress or make a styling, but to regain at least a little free time. They just get tired of the family and feel that they have gone the wrong way,” says Siskin The problem arises, for example, in the TV series "Apple Yard", where the main character (played by Emily Watson) - a successful scientist, mother and wife - begins an affair with a man who threatens to destroy her measured respectable life. There is a reverse example - the "empty nest" syndrome. After so many years of working for children, a woman feels emptiness when her offspring begins to live separately - and for some it may not be a release, but an unexpected loneliness.
Menopause and youth
At the age of 36, Tracy decided to leave the UK stable job and an open relationship with her boyfriend to go to Tanzania. There she worked as a volunteer, she realized that she was not satisfied with her partner or life in Europe. She never wanted children, but still decided to become pregnant during her journey.
For a woman, the onset of a middle age crisis and the need to overcome it are more obvious than for men, for biological reasons, says psychologist Olga Prokhorova. According to statistics, women in the premenopausal period are more prone to depressive conditions than all others. Obviously, they are undergoing a hormonal adjustment, which can adversely affect the mental state. In addition, those who previously did not want to become a mother may experience frustration due to the fact that they did not meet the expectations of society. Emergency IVF, feverish search for a partner, contacting the sperm bank are not a conscious choice, but a neurotic sign of a midlife crisis. This includes the sudden decision to have another child without regard to circumstances and deep desires.
When Lucy turned 45, she left her husband, bought a Harley-Davidson and went traveling. Together with her new tattoo "Live Life" she found a new partner, nine years younger. “Before the premenopause, the sexual needs of a woman are only increasing. And in fact, for a 40-year-old woman, an active partner is needed, which her husband may not be,” says Sis, explaining why women on the eve of middle age can leave the family, acutely feeling sexual dissatisfaction.
When a woman ceases to be fertile, she makes more complex demands to the man. Now it’s not enough for him to be a sexual partner and father of children - you need to be a spiritually close person
With menopause, reverse dynamics occur. “When a woman ceases to be fertile, she makes more complex demands to a man. Now it’s not enough for him to be just a sexual partner and father of children - you need to be a spiritually close person. For this reason, many marriages break up - women stop needing men as before,” believes Prokhorov . For a minute, in 68% of cases women become the initiators of divorce. For example, Yana says that at the age of 38 she felt that she had to find her own person, and by that time her son had grown up. Her husband was against divorce, but she insisted. Yana has not yet found a new partner, but has changed jobs and feels more harmonious.
During this period, women are faced with the need to accept themselves in a new capacity, but the transition usually occurs painfully. So, in 2016, American women aged 40 to 54 did more than 7.5 million aesthetic procedures and plastic surgeries - all in pursuit of the notorious "youth", the key to happiness in the world of commodification. “With a healthy approach, a woman can finally cease to perceive herself exclusively as a sexual object, and that’s great. Youth, desire to be attractive and compete with other women and other imposed values cease to be so important,” says Prokhorova.
Risks and hopes
“Passing a mid-life crisis, a person ceases to perceive himself as a service function for others. And in order to come to himself, you will have to collect pieces of his personality that are ousted by society,” says Prokhorova. Simply put, when the race of daily worries slows down and the body begins to change, people are forced to finally look into themselves, which inevitably leads to a rethinking of desires and needs.
At the same time, it is easier for women to successfully overcome the mid-life crisis, says Prokhorov: "Women have a biological change in life periods, and this helps them to accept themselves in a new status. While men can live with the illusion of endless youth: changing wives, starting new ones children, pretending that everything is in order, as if youth has not gone anywhere. Problems will pile up without finding a logical solution. "
Photo: HBO, Universal Pictures
